back here again

[broken but not beaten]

Haven't been here for several months after painful seperation from uBPDex gf... .things got better and I met someone who I thought was a wonderful person... .we met online and struck an immediate connection... .she had issues with prev partner and we talked openly and honestly about our realtionships everything seemed to go so well. It was the love story you see in movies although we live a few hours apart then she told me she was still legally married with children... .red flag I know... but I chose to ignore... .our first meeting she travveled 2 hrs for a 20 min face to face chat then left and things progressed from there. She declared love early on and I felt obliged to do the same... the love making was intense as other non's have said here. Fast forward several months and I'm right back where I began... ashamed I've allowed myself to fall for another person displaying so many red flags its shameful,I'm raw at the moment after being discarded for daring to loose my cool and displaying behaviour I'm not prous of after numerous attempts at gas lighting yet I feel lost,I tried apologising for my actions but I feel almost suicidal that I'm the failure who let her down,apologies for poor grammar I'm just typing what I feel trying to make sense of it all after I felt I had grown so much emotionally after the first round of BPD... the shame of allowing me to put me in this situation again is a reality check to how far I mislead myself to how far I came. Failure and nothing more than dog poop under her shoe is all I'm worth

[strikeforce]

Hey broken but not beaten 

I am sorry you have went through that not long after a BPD relationship.

You fell into a trap that I have fallen into many times before.

Its time for you to pull back from the relationship world for a time, until you have fully healed and until you love yourself 100%.

[heartandwhole]

Broken but not beaten,

I'm sorry you are hurting. We all do things that in hindsight weren't for our best interests, be gentle with yourself.  You are a human with strengths and weaknesses, and very worthy of love. 

For now, give yourself lots of TLC, you are hurting and need tenderness and understanding.

We're here for you.