how do i react

[simplyasiam]

i have been with my BPD g/f for six years. we have recycle many time in the past but have never really tried to work out our troubles.

we have been apart for the past seven months but have staied in contact the the whole time. two weeks ago we started dating agin. ive spent most nite at her home over the past to weeks, a couple of times she told me she needed a nite or two alone with just her and her kids.

she very depressed the past few days but last nite was a good nite for us, this morning she asked if if could could take the the day off and spend with her... .i couldnt.

today after work she told me she needs time alone again.

im not sure what to make of this or what to do or not do.

do i just wait to her from her

do i txt once a day to let her know i here for her.

quess im just venting to keep from over reacting and trying to see things with a clear mind

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[daenarya]

Have you tried using S.E.T. to explain to her that you could not just take the day off of work? If not that then maybe just validation of what she is feeling? I find that even when my uBPDbf needs his space that I keep up at least a minor routine with him of always messaging him good morning and good night. If he wants to talk further he makes that clear to me, but the routine seems to keep us somewhat grounded and let me know where his head space is currently at.


Hope that helps some and goodluck to you   

[daenarya]

sorry I actually meant to put these links for you... .

https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation

https://bpdfamily.com/content/ending-conflict

[an0ught]

Hi simplyasiam,

you are wondering how to adapt to her behavior. The question is not reaction but what your actions should be. Her behavior is unstable and the more you adapt the more you destabilize! Besides being painful and dangerous for you it does not make you more attractive for her.

She may be important but you are important too.

Can you take a step back? What are your

 - Values

 - Boundaries, stuff you do and in particular stuff you don't do



Maybe write them down! Act in accordance to your values - they are there to guide you in confusing times. Doing what believe in helps you to protect or increase your self esteem.

Check out the workshops on boundaries.

Focus on yourself, your values, your needs. Take good care of yourself. You deserve it