Birthday

[zordon11]

So two days ago I had my birthday it went pretty smooth. On the other hand though I expected my ex to at least send me a text message with best wishes since she exactly knew the date of my birthday. No contact with her, I think she did it on purpose to hurt me/punish me for me not coming to her house again to pick up my stuff (which was just an another weak idea to lure me back). I know it is for the better (at least we have NC right) but somehow it still hurts. 

On the side note yesterday I have read that:

These individuals typically disarm you with love bombing while pushing the relationship forward at an unusually fast speed. Wanting to move in after only 2 months of dating is a definite warning sign and good for you for heeding that one.

-- and in my case she wanted me to move in into her place just after 2 weeks of knowing each other.  Speaking about red flags ... .too bad I was not smart enough before hopefully next time I will.

[Jbt857]

Happy belated birthday! And well done for getting through it.

Who knows why she didn't send you her wishes. As you say, probably game playing of some kind. But the longer you go NC and keep healing, the less it will matter.

My marriage started out as a LDR. He proposed the second time we met! I said yes, but made us wait a year to be sure. He would have married me on my next trip there, had I not pushed back. So yes, they move fast. But we have to ask why we allowed ourselves to get caught up in the whirlwind, I guess.

[Pretty Woman]

Mine dumped me less than a week before my birthday and then said shed still take me to the concert but only as friends... .I would not change her mind. 

Originally I said yes and then totally changed my mind. Who does that and she is already sleeping with my replacement. 

I hope you had a good birthday.  It will get better. 

[zordon11]

Happy belated birthday! And well done for getting through it.

Who knows why she didn't send you her wishes. As you say, probably game playing of some kind. But the longer you go NC and keep healing, the less it will matter.

My marriage started out as a LDR. He proposed the second time we met! I said yes, but made us wait a year to be sure. He would have married me on my next trip there, had I not pushed back. So yes, they move fast. But we have to ask why we allowed ourselves to get caught up in the whirlwind, I guess.

Thanks for the wishes and my condolences that you had to be involved with similar crap. Yeah they move fast. In fact I have refused to "move in" multiple times and this is why she has invited her male friend last time for next night. She announced this to me over the phone I guess the idea was to harm me in some sick way. One way or another I'm glad I'm not with her anymore. Everybody here knows that getting the hell out is the only possible solution. Cheers!

[zordon11]

Mine dumped me less than a week before my birthday and then said shed still take me to the concert but only as friends... .I would not change her mind. 

Originally I said yes and then totally changed my mind. Who does that and she is already sleeping with my replacement. 

I hope you had a good birthday.  It will get better. 

Thanks also I'm really sorry that you had to experience this terrible pain. Good luck to you as well, no doubt you are going to find someone worth your time.   

[GreenMango]

Zordon this book kidnapper ain't going to make your birthday better.  

I think one of the most important things to do when first coming out of a situation like this is really look at what we want and see if it realistic based on what we've gotten so far.  It's a reality check that sometimes galvanizes your decision.

[zordon11]

Crap guys I have just received birthday-gift package a toy with "happy birthday" slogan (the sender was not mentioned and no card inside). I think I preferred her to stay silent because this thing is even more confusing to my brain.   :'(

[Jbt857]

... .Well I think the lesson there is to be careful what you wish for! 

Ignore, ignore, ignore. It means nothing, other than she's still paying games.

[zordon11]

... .Well I think the lesson there is to be careful what you wish for! 

Ignore, ignore, ignore. It means nothing, other than she's still paying games.

Yeah definitely I thought about the same phrase  "be careful what you wish for".

Problem is now I feel obligated to also send her a card for her birthday and this complicates the NC method.

Any ideas?

[Jbt857]

Why are you obligated? Honestly, you're not. I see you have stuff at her place. Is there some need for diplomacy that is making you feel that you need to not upset her? If you two are done, you are under no obligation.

Or play dumb - seeing as she didn't indicate the package was from her,  act dumb and don't let her know you figured it's from her.

[bruisedbattered]

exactly ... .play dumb.   whats to stop her from denying she sent anything if you do contact her?  These are mind games they love to play. Dont play their games, you cant win because the rules only make sense to them.   

[GreenMango]

FOG

F- FEAR

O- OBLIGATION

G- GUILT


Do you feel these things?

It is what keeps many in a dysfuctional unhealthy dynamic.

Presents aren't tit for tat.  A nondescript thank you note might be appropriate or a return to sender for that loaded gift since it makes you uncomfortable is okay too.

[Discovery]

Problem is now I feel obligated to also send her a card for her birthday and this complicates the NC method.

Belated Happy Birthday

And... .NO, no, no... .you have NO obligation to send her ANYTHING.

Gifts which are "true" gifts have no strings attached.

Someone gives something *because they want to.* That's a true gift.

In light of your history with this person, h/e, I would treat this gift as highly suspicious - very likely another type of manipulation... .

and ignore it.

No card, no sender identification. No need to do anything (except if it was me, and my intution said is was from her, I'd get rid of it so her energy is nowhere near me)

In my opinion, any communication to her only puts you back in her game.

Keep your own power.

[zordon11]

Thanks for the wishes people   Yeah I think I will stay NC. As many of you previously noted the gift was not signed so it could be from anybody. And also I have realized I'm still in the FOG and this is just another game.

Today I was doing some shopping and I saw an empty bookstore for sale (pretty good offer). The point is my ex always wanted a bookstore and she was looking for a place. I suddenly thought about contacting her but then I have realized I can't.  Those little things break my heart.  :'(

[zordon11]

So my ex has birthday tomorrow and as the time goes by I feeling tempted to send her a card. However since we all know they do not act like normal people I am worried about possible outcomes of this action. For me it is normal human decency (and this is why it is hard for me to ignore her birthday) but for a BPD it may mean everything... .Have anyone of you tried, how did it end?

[Waifed]

You are looking for an excuse to contact her. Play with fire and you will get burned. Look at it this way, if you don't contact her you will continue to hold the power in your mind. That is a pretty comforting feeling to have while healing. You are delaying the inevitable. It's very tempting. My ex has a birthday next week. I will not even consider contacting her. It is pointless.

[zordon11]

I've stayed strong, no gift, no card, no wishes, no contact. Hopefully it is for the better.

[Waifed]

Good for you!  My turn is next week.  I am not even considering any type of contact.