She aint pretty, she just looks that way.

[bruisedbattered]

Have any of you ever heard that song by The Northern Pikes "She aint pretty, she just looks that way"?   It about sums up my feelings for my xBPDgf now...     Now when I look back throught my experience with her,  I feel disgust and shame that I fell so easily for her ploys, games, and vulnerabilities.    I fell in love with an illusion,  the facade disappeared leaving only the pain.     I no longer think of her as any kind of beautiful... .   Ugly inside/out.  A pitiful child caught in a woman's body with little of hope of change.    This is how I think of her, and this is how I move on.   Just sharing, thinking out loud, and hoping other's have come to the same realization as me.   

[Octoberfest]

Anymore when I see a picture of or think about my BPDex it just makes me sad.  Not that I am not with her, not that it didn't work out, just sad that she is the way she is.  Now that I am better educated from being on this site, having learned more about BPD and having stepped far enough away to be able to look a little more objectively, it is just terribly sad that someone lives their life the way mine does.  Always pointing fingers at other people... .always someone else's fault... .running from one guy, one relationship, to the next, lying to people, falsely idolizing people, it is a terribly phony way to live and one that can bring nothing but heartache in the long run.  It's just depressing being able to see clearly all that is happening with her and having the capability to forsee how it is going to end up, each and every time, sooner or later. Very bleak.

[ZigofZag]

I see photos of us both and remember the back story behind each one of them. 99% of the time I was trying to help her and avoid a conflict. 100% of the time I was walking on egg shells. My answer to your question is yes, I am seeing her through memories of pain and hurt, lies and violence. She isn't pretty to me anymore. It is sad that people live this way, terribly sad as we have a small child together and she deserves a stable mother.

Love the song title. It really nails it for me.

[bpdspell]

I was certainly a sucker for my ex's good looks and prided myself in his physical hotness as some kind of trophy on my part. Very shallow on my end. Quite honestly the ex was the most physically attractive person I've ever dated in my entire life and the sex was amaze balls enough to keep me in the relationship longer than it should have lasted.

But man... .he was an ugly such and such on the inside. Just rotten, unlikeable, abrasive, selfish, stingy, all about me and entitled. And his sense of humor sucked as well.

Under all of that physical prowess was a vast land of superficial emptiness.

Spell

[Discovery]

My former partner is a good-looking man... .I loved his "look" - it was what I like and part of his appeal to me was definitely physical, but I have never been attracted to guys on physical first... .I have to feel an emotional connection or the physical is irrelevant. I felt like I was so lucky to have found a man who I loved for what was "inside" (or so I thought) AND bonus I loved much about him physically too.  I still see his handsome face when all the memories flood me... .and I miss him... .I miss *us* (we were often told what a happy and good-looking couple we were... .) BUT I now know that people can look one way on the outside and be not so "pretty" on the inside. I thought I could spot the type w/ the good looking outside/crummy inside (the overt ones always turned me off) but it turns out my radar wasn't what I thought it was (and it had no dial to discern BPD/NPD). I see him now in my mind's eye and I just feel really sad that inside he is messed up and deeply unhappy in spite of what the outside world sees. He isn't a man, really. He looks like a man, but he is a hurt, wounded, broken little boy in a man's body and I'm sad that he can't live a full life and enjoy a true, intimate loving relationship.

[damage control]

Mine wasn't (isn't) all that much to look at - he is cute ... but he had (has) charm in spades ... he is quirky and appeals to a paticular kind of woman (like me) ... we are the ideal victims.

He is short, has a very round belly, is almost bald (but, I have thing for bald men anyhow) ... .his face is nothing special and his body is the worse for wear - he even has erection issues ... .so ... that should indicate the level of charisma he brings to the table.

Thing is, he has no male friends, no female ones either ... just people who rotate through his life until he screws it up ... ... without getting to know him, most people find him creepy ... he is a weird mix of all these things ... but none of them truly reflect the turmoil within - which I have heard about and witnessed first hand - they are memes.