Ex was booked in jail for DUI on the 23rd

[motherof1yearold]

Long story short, ex was booked in jail for DUI on the 23rd. I didn't find out until the 24th. His mother had already picked up dd2 before I found out.

Not sure what my next move will be! I have NO legal representation anymore.

[livednlearned]

Is he still in jail?

[momtara]

GOOD!

This keeps happening to him.  It's time that he has less custody.  He is doing DUI while he has a 2 year old in his care, and didn't even let you know.  Ridiculous.

You have no representation?  Get someone pro bono.  Go on AVVO and ask a question for free and mention that you are looking for someone to represent you low cost. 

It's time this guy get his parenting time reduced. 

[ForeverDad]

Finally happened.   If he had daughter with him you would have had a case to seek restricting his time with her so that she would not be at risk.

Whether he is still incarcerated is a good question in case his parenting time is only for him.  Of course his parents want to parent in his place but possibly that's only while he's at work or similarly occupied?  If he's unavailable for a long period of time, such as sentenced to jail, etc, then the exchanges should continue as though he were there.  Grandparent rights are much weaker than a parent's rights in most cases.

[livednlearned]

Finally happened.   If he had daughter with him you would have had a case to seek restricting his time with her so that she would not be at risk.

Whether he is still incarcerated is a good question in case his parenting time is only for him.  Of course his parents want to parent in his place but possibly that's only while he's at work or similarly occupied?  If he's unavailable for a long period of time, such as sentenced to jail, etc, then the exchanges should continue as though he were there.  Grandparent rights are much weaker than a parent's rights in most cases.

Either way, you should file for an ex parte order. You need an emergency order to get full custody right now. Maybe the clerk will help you with filing instructions. 

[motherof1yearold]

He got the DUI on my parenting time.

I have been desperately trying to find out if he is still in jail, but so far have had no luck. I do understand that his bond was set at zero, which usually indicates that he will be staying in jail. However, in florida it varies quite often. Sometimes they only hold you for 12 hours and release on your own recognizance, and other times they make you wait until your court date (so at least a few weeks)

I only have very few details because I saw it in the paper after I already exchanged the child with his mother. Had I known sooner, I would have not handed her over.

[ForeverDad]

Since you've never had cooperation from his parents, I wouldn't ask them or even inform them that you know. Be sure to get your daughter back without a fuss.  Then when it is time for the exchange back to him, if you don't know whether he's out, then state you'll do the exchange only with him in person.  If he's out then he'll be sure to call or come.  If he's not out then they'll fuss and fume and threaten but I don't think the police would intervene if ex the father is not around.  Remember, it's his parenting time, not his parents' time.  (I would hope that's the way the court would see it too.)

[livednlearned]

Once you get her back, what do you plan to do?

[motherof1yearold]

I just found out he is already out.

He is due to exchange DD back Thursday morning. I am not sure what I will do, or why I feel so intimidated.

[livednlearned]

I just found out he is already out.

He is due to exchange DD back Thursday morning. I am not sure what I will do, or why I feel so intimidated.

Maybe you feel intimidated because you know he has to somehow make you look as bad as he does, and right now, he looks really, really bad.

A normal person would take responsibility. He won't. He has to get rid of his negative feelings onto someone else, and you're probably going to be the target.

Even if he is out, you can still file an ex parte motion for temporary emergency full custody. A DUI is a substantial change in circumstance.

You can use this to your advantage. 

[DreamGirl]

Are you worried about his driving drunk with your daughter?

Is this his first or has he had more then one?

Is his drinking an issue that was brought up during the divorce?

Is he an alcoholic?

If you answered "yes" to any of those, it probably would be a good idea to hire an attorney or go pro se to address his ability to care for his daughter on his parenting time. It might at least require him to report to another authority when it comes to his alcohol use.

If it's "no" - I might guage the pros and cons. Getting a DUI isn't necessarily a "loss of custody" circumstance and he did get it while she wasn't with him.

He's also only accused at this point in time and I would hate for you to jump the gun especially since money is so tight for you right now.

[livednlearned]

Are you worried about his driving drunk with your daughter?

Is this his first or has he had more then one?

Is his drinking an issue that was brought up during the divorce?

Is he an alcoholic?

If you answered "yes" to any of those, it probably would be a good idea to hire an attorney or go pro se to address his ability to care for his daughter on his parenting time. It might at least require him to report to another authority when it comes to his alcohol use.

If it's "no" - I might guage the pros and cons. Getting a DUI isn't necessarily a "loss of custody" circumstance and he did get it while she wasn't with him.

He's also only accused at this point in time and I would hate for you to jump the gun especially since money is so tight for you right now.

An ex parte emergency order does not have to be substantiated, although usually you list the reasons why it is being requested. It's different than filing a motion for modification of parenting time.

It tells the courts that you are alarmed, based on a substantial change in circumstances, and are taking measures in the interests of the child until things can get sorted out by the courts.

Since Mo1YR knows he drives drunk with her daughter, I would say better to err on the side of filing an emergency order.

[DreamGirl]

Since Mo1YR knows he drives drunk with her daughter

This is what I would think make the difference.

Getting a DUI - which is a mistake that my husband made - did not constitute his losing any of his parenting time/custody. The circumstances were also minimal in severity being that the law had changed recently, dropped from .10 BAC to a .08 BAC, and he was actually sitting in his truck getting warm. Keys were in the ignition and he was sitting in the drivers seat = intent to drive. 

His ex-wife saw the vulnerability and did use it as leverage - and it landed them in more unnecessary conflict with more attorney fees. I don't believe that there was a valid concern from her, but maybe there was. 

If there is a valid concern of her daughter's safety, I think it's important to do what needs to be done.

I think all the facts should be taken into consideration to keep it in perspective is all. Probably why I asked all the questions.  

[livednlearned]

Since Mo1YR knows he drives drunk with her daughter

This is what I would think make the difference.

Getting a DUI - which is a mistake that my husband made - did not constitute his losing any of his parenting time/custody. The circumstances were also minimal in severity being that the law had changed recently, dropped from .10 BAC to a .08 BAC, and he was actually sitting in his truck getting warm. Keys were in the ignition and he was sitting in the drivers seat = intent to drive. 

His ex-wife saw the vulnerability and did use it as leverage - and it landed them in more unnecessary conflict with more attorney fees. I don't believe that there was a valid concern from her, but maybe there was. 

If there is a valid concern of her daughter's safety, I think it's important to do what needs to be done.

I think all the facts should be taken into consideration to keep it in perspective is all. Probably why I asked all the questions. 

Yes, a good strategy. Just that BPD, well. You know. Stuff like this tends to be attached to more systemic behavior. 

[DreamGirl]

Stuff like this tends to be attached to more systemic behavior. 

Very true.

[motherof1yearold]

I just found out he is already out.

He is due to exchange DD back Thursday morning. I am not sure what I will do, or why I feel so intimidated.

Maybe you feel intimidated because you know he has to somehow make you look as bad as he does, and right now, he looks really, really bad.

A normal person would take responsibility. He won't. He has to get rid of his negative feelings onto someone else, and you're probably going to be the target.

Even if he is out, you can still file an ex parte motion for temporary emergency full custody. A DUI is a substantial change in circumstance.

You can use this to your advantage. 

Exactly. I feel like he 'out for blood' now because he made a bigggg mistake. Our exchanges have been downright miserable for me. I don't know if I mentioned this yet, but I just lost my sister unexpectedly  very recently. He told me he wished I would have died and not her. Then the next exchange he said he 'was sorry' about her, then proceeded to gloat about how money buys the best attorneys and that he 'didn't do anything'. He said ' I know  you know, so I just wanted to get that out of the way real quick' 

It amazes me that he will not take accountability for ANYTHING. And yes, he is an alcoholic, badly. This is his first DUI, though he has been pulled over THREE other times and managed to cry and manipulate his way out of it. One of which he was driving our 5 day old baby around.

Called an attorney, he said nothing can be done due to the fact the child wasn't in the vehicle when he was driving. I don't even know if I believe that. I'm just dealing with so much right now.

[DreamGirl]

I'm so sorry about your sister, MO1YO.  :'(

Is there any way to reduce the amount of contact you have with him while you are so overwhelmed with all the other stuff? Dealing with him is something that has to be done, but can you scale back while you are tapping into your coping mechanisms to deal with such a profound grief?

You have to be able to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of your little one.

[momtara]

"Called an attorney, he said nothing can be done due to the fact the child wasn't in the vehicle when he was driving. I don't even know if I believe that. I'm just dealing with so much right now."

Yes, but he was put in jail and unable to take care of her during his parenting time. 

Post on avvo.com and see what the lawyers think.