Get rid of house?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I bought a house for my udBPDexgf and I, I'm sure you all know the story, mine involved her emotional abuse, her substance abuse, her financial abuse, cheating, more lies than I can count, ect ect... Well we lived in the house for a year and she is gone now, problem is it reminds me of her immensely, I am only 5 months out and still in the fog. I feel that selling the house would be a good move for me, It has alot of equity in it. But my friends tell me they are jumping the gun, saying things like ":)on't let her affect your life like that" "Thats her winning" ect ect... .but I don't think they really understand the emotional torment. What do you guys think? I want to move to a high rise condo.

[redbaron5]

I bought a house for my udBPDexgf and I, I'm sure you all know the story, mine involved her emotional abuse, her substance abuse, her financial abuse, cheating, more lies than I can count, ect ect... Well we lived in the house for a year and she is gone now, problem is it reminds me of her immensely, I am only 5 months out and still in the fog. I feel that selling the house would be a good move for me, It has alot of equity in it. But my friends tell me they are jumping the gun, saying things like ":)on't let her affect your life like that" "Thats her winning" ect ect... .but I don't think they really understand the emotional torment. What do you guys think? I want to move to a high rise condo.

[seeking balance]

I bought a house for my udBPDexgf and I, I'm sure you all know the story, mine involved her emotional abuse, her substance abuse, her financial abuse, cheating, more lies than I can count, ect ect... Well we lived in the house for a year and she is gone now, problem is it reminds me of her immensely, I am only 5 months out and still in the fog. I feel that selling the house would be a good move for me, It has alot of equity in it. But my friends tell me they are jumping the gun, saying things like ":)on't let her affect your life like that" "Thats her winning" ect ect... .but I don't think they really understand the emotional torment. What do you guys think? I want to move to a high rise condo.

Well, I am living in the house 3 years later... .have equity too and considered selling. I didn't because I needed to have a bit of stability after the chaos and I am close with my neighbors.

Emotionally, it doesn't really effect me any longer.  I have been here alone longer than we were here together now... .I have painted, done a lot of upgrades and I love my house.  Good neighborhood, big enough for kids -works for me.

If you have always wanted to move to a high rise, that is cool - if it is a reaction, maybe your friends are right.

Too many big changes at one times does not always bode well once the dust settles... .5 months doesn't seem that long for the dust to settle.  But you know you - if you want to sell and you are sure you won't regret it - heck, why not?

[fromheeltoheal]

I agree with Seeking. What do you want to do?  If you want to move to a high rise condo then do it, but moving because of her is giving her too much power.  There's an opportunity to use the energy you still feel towards her to change the place and make it your own.  New furniture, new paint, whatever, not to erase her but to make it your own.  You could make it a tangible representation of you taking back your identity after your time in borderline hell, something that could be very motivating and beneficial, and you'll feel better about yourself as a result.

[Jbt857]

I can think of nothing I'd rather do than move.

I bought our house in December 2012. We moved in 5 days before Christmas. It is the kind of house he likes, in the area he wanted to be in, with features he needed (like a garage). Within 2 months, my marriage was over.

I am stuck in a house in a part of town I don't want to be in, a place that is too big for one person, but that needs work that I am not able to do myself (and cannot afford to pay someone to do). Until I can afford to do the work, I can't sell it at a profit. I make good money so can afford the mortgage payments on my own, but it does mean I don't have an awful lot left to get out and have fun or do much that is nice for myself.

I am truly stuck. Miles from the few friends I do have down here. Every fault in the house that he was going to fix reminds me of my failed marriage. It sucks.

If you feel you need to escape the memories, and it makes financial sense for you to do so - I say go for it.