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Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits. Practicing lawyer, Senior Family Mediator, and former Licensed Clinical Social Worker with twelve years’ experience and an expert on navigating the Family Court process.
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Author Topic: BPD side of the story. Video on you tube.  (Read 945 times)
Naddred369
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« on: November 27, 2013, 05:02:56 PM »

Hey guys, just watched a couple of vids on youtube from a BPD sufferer persepective.

Have you seen them?

How do they affect you?

Me:

1: I got angry and started saying things like" yeah right you cheating -----!"

2: I actually started crying thinking what my ex must be going through( yeah, white knight syndrome again! Im such an idiot!)

3:I really didnt want to leave or abandon her and I really would have stayed if she'd let me!

Do you feel sorry for them? at all? in any way? even a little bit?

I was gonna write something nasty about my ex, but its just ego. I hope one day to wish her well, but i will cross the road first!
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Hazelrah
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #1 on: November 27, 2013, 05:24:44 PM »

Yeah, I've done a lot of reading on the illness since my BPD wife left our marriage this past June.  I'd done a fair amount of research before that as well, since she was first diagnosed in February of this year.  Besides spending a lot of time on 'our' side of the fence (i.e., this terrific site), I've read a lot of accounts of those suffering from the illness, and also ruminated regarding so much of what my wife told me about her feelings and emotions when we were still together.  I've long suffered from depression and anxiety (seems to affect a lot of creative people), but the pain I understood her to feel surely exceeded anything I ever experienced.  That certainly doesn't excuse the fact that she stomped on the heart of a husband who treated her beautifully and loved her with all his heart, but I've come to understand the genesis of her feelings and behaviors and have begun to de-personalize that part of our equation/relationship. 

So, to answer your question, yes, I do feel sorry for that part of her being, as it must be hell.  I'm sorry that she's quite likely to repeat these patterns and continue to heap incredible amounts of shame upon herself, knowing that she continues to hurt people that care about her.  True forgiveness may be a ways off for me, but at least I can continue to work to understand both her and myself a little bit better in the mean time. 
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newlife3
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Relationship status: divorced
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« Reply #2 on: November 28, 2013, 03:17:17 PM »



Hello:

Once you work thru your own grief... you will realize very clearly that this has nothing to do with you. Its a chronic, severe mental illness and as such they are not doing it on purpose to you! Once you realize these are very ill people, even the high functioning ones... .you will DETACH and start focusing on your own life as you are responsible for it not the PwBPD
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necchi
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« Reply #3 on: November 28, 2013, 06:28:20 PM »

Yep feltand feel sorry but cannot cope with the fact that she denied and will  still denie the facts. She will probably come back crying,denying, explaining but the realaty is i cant fix her.as much as of this is draining life out of me ei:the guilt,love,my own denials,my own excuse for her from me, they is nothing i can fix and believe anymore ever thought in my inner soul it hurts like hell, and i mean hell
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fromheeltoheal
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
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« Reply #4 on: November 28, 2013, 07:10:05 PM »

Initially I wanted to kill the fcking btch for the way she treated me, especially since I was just trying to love her and create an equal partnership.  But as I detached I began to see her as a sick person and not a mean our bad one, and I developed sympathy for her.  And ultimately the experience ended up being a gift, since the pain forced me to dig deep and grow.  The only thing that still sucks is she will continue to create pain and stress for people, or she will kill herself, both of which are avoidable if she'd only get a clue, one I would have given her if she'd only listen, of course assuming that I have one, but I'm positive I'm healthier than she is, although it takes two to tango.  Live and learn.
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necchi
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« Reply #5 on: November 28, 2013, 07:23:39 PM »

I got physical with her even though i wanted tokill her sometimes in the past, when i this happens it was always about her... .i was defending myself or in the past my animals or once my kid... .man they are sick people and i can't get why i still hold feelings for the b'itc*
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necchi
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« Reply #6 on: November 28, 2013, 07:24:51 PM »

Even calling her this fell wrong
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