regaining that "spark"

[maxsterling]

My current struggle - my dBPDgf is definitely doing better, but definitely still struggling.  I've worked to detach emotionally so as to not let her moods bring me down to oblivion.  As for the future of the relationship - I just don't know.  Just thinking too far beyond a month or too causes me stress.  I either have to see a change in her, or decide I can accept the status quo.   But knowing I can't expect a change, I must decide if my love for her can overcome the baggage she brings.

And she brings a ton of baggage - more baggage than Delta Air Lines.  Baggage I feel uncomfortable with because she brings it up almost daily, reminding me over and over that her life has been constant chaos in which she left a trail of destruction.  I don't think she is capable of letting go of that baggage, and I just don't know if I can ever be comfortable with hearing about it over and over again. 

And I am losing that spark.  I am fighting against letting it go away, and trying to mentally initiate things.  But, my attraction is waning, and for the first time I am truly starting to feel frustration with her behaviors, thinking negative things as she is saying them.  And this is hard, because in all objective honesty, there has been slow and small improvement.   

I know she loves me - but it is a complete enmeshment love.  She can't live with out her, and I know that if I were to break up with her, she would be completely destroyed - probably attempt suicide. 

I just don't know what to do now.  About all I can do is manage day to day or month to month, and enjoy the happy moments we have.  But, thinking about stepping forward in this relationship right now causes me racing anxiety that I want to escape from.

She was talking about marriage again tonight.  And having a baby.  But I can't explain that I feel manipulated by those conversations without her raging.  But I can't lie.  So I try and change the subject, or give an ambiguous answer. 

[Surnia]

Its a very tough decision for everyone. 

And when a partner is not stable even more.

Do you speak about this with your therapist?

[AWest84]

Best way to regain the spark is spend time away from her. You will find wether you love her still or not. Did that with my ex and when we met again its was amazin!

[dontknow2]

As it relates only to the "spark", I suggest differentiating between infatuation and feelings that come with a long-term relationship. I tried to find a good article for you but couldn't; maybe you can.

Wish you well.