I feel so good about my decision to have ZERO to do with my BPD ex

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

     What a relief. I feel so at peace with my decision to get as far as I can away from my untreated, stuboorn, and narcissistic BPD soon-to-be-ex wife. I am off the crazy emotional roller coaster. Now i am in recovery mode.  I want to lead a normal life again. My children (teenagers) want nothing to do with their mom. And I have to support their decision. They are tired of her nonsense, ... .and it really is non-sensible behaviour, ... .n o n s e n s e . It really makes no sense. none.

       I will continue to tell my kids, that the they have an inherent right to not want to be with their mom. If they feel unsafe, or abused, ... .it is 'okay" to say to themselves, ... ."I'm atta here, dude" ... .and they do not have to spend one minute with her if they do not want to.  It is like spending time with a neighbourhood dog that happens to be a pit bull. If you feel unsafe around the creature, ... .then just don't go near it. It is "okay" to have those feelings of fear. A temper rage episode from a BPD parent is not what a child needs or wants to witness.   

[ogopogodude]

     What a relief. I feel so at peace with my decision to get as far as I can away from my untreated, stuboorn, and narcissistic BPD soon-to-be-ex wife. I am off the crazy emotional roller coaster. Now i am in recovery mode.  I want to lead a normal life again. My children (teenagers) want nothing to do with their mom. And I have to support their decision. They are tired of her nonsense, ... .and it really is non-sensible behaviour, ... .n o n s e n s e . It really makes no sense. none.

       I will continue to tell my kids, that the they have an inherent right to not want to be with their mom. If they feel unsafe, or abused, ... .it is 'okay" to say to themselves, ... ."I'm atta here, dude" ... .and they do not have to spend one minute with her if they do not want to.  It is like spending time with a neighbourhood dog that happens to be a pit bull. If you feel unsafe around the creature, ... .then just don't go near it. It is "okay" to have those feelings of fear. A temper rage episode from a BPD parent is not what a child needs or wants to witness.   

[Pearl55]

What happened you reached this decision? Because I believe when you dealing with a BPD/BPD your self steem has been eroded dramatically and leaving is very difficult. What step you did take to help you to leave? Very good luck

[ogopogodude]

Well, ... .I am now standing up for righteousness and truthfulness. This also means that I must stand up for children's rights. Kids call it like it is... .When they see an injustice then they come right out and say it.

    My kids are teenagers and they, ... well, ... .are beginning to "hate" their mom. And ... .I am letting them start to  feel this way (and I do not feel one bit guilty). However, ... .I am not encouraging them to feel this way but they are young adults now and they can choose to make decisions accordingly when they see bs come their way.

   Their mom is lazy. She chooses not to work and she chooses to drink every day. This isn't me mudslinging. This is truth and fact.  Both of our kids live with me.  And they know that there is no reason for their mom to just stay at home and spiral downwards into oblivion except for the reasons of she is an alcoholic and that she won't seek help for her mental illness. Even her own lawyer said to her that she better get herself cleaned up.

    Yes, ... leaving her was a problem a year and a half ago. But no more. I have finally come to the realization that I was allowing myself to be abused by this woman. I will not allow this to happen anymore. I will also not allow my children to be abused by a BPD mother. I will, however, allow my kids to start hating their mom, ... .if they so choose. This will be the only way that she may change. Nothing else worked. Maybe if the kids hate their mom then maybe, just maybe the boozer mom will well, ... .stop boozing.

     Oh, ... she will claim that I make them dislike her but I really do not care anymore about a BPD's outlandish claims.  I personally live my life by two very simple rules: work hard and be nice.

   In my case, ... .my soon to be ex-wife lives by the opposite of this philosophy that I live by. My kids see this, too. This is what they see each and every day: Dad gets up and goes to work, but 1st sees him doing all the chores (make lunches, organize his own life but also theirs as well), all the while their mom does nothing. I do mean nothing. She needs a purpose. Just one.

[ogopogodude]

This site has been very helpful to me in terms of support. I read others' posts and problems and then I start to see the light. I am calling a spade a spade.  I am no longer walking on eggshells. I am finally away from the nonsense (of a BPD spouse) and I am getting stronger each and every day.  

    And one thing is for sure, ... I am seeing my spouse get weaker and weaker every month as we get closer to our divorce becoming finalized. I am beating this BPD demon down with a stick. I will always remember my doctor saying to me these two phrases during an office visit (after showing him a few covert videos of my wife's tantrum episodes): ":)o you WANT to live like THAT?"  and "I would get as far away from that nut as I possibly could"

[ogopogodude]

    Last night my daughter found my covert videos (they are little icons) of her mom (my spouse) on my desktop computer. My daughter started watching them by herself then I realized what she was up to ... .so I kneeled beside her and viewed them, too, remembering what we went thru and why I left to get the kids into a safe environment (my current rental house).  She smiled and seemed to actually enjoy watching the nuttiness of the BPD temper rages of her mom, remembering how her mom used to throw things and yell so loudly. I know exactly what she was thinking ... ."Never never again will I allow myself to be abused like that by mom again".

[Pearl55]

Didn't she try to recycle you? I'm out since Sunday but unfortunately my son has been brainwashed by my husband and he wants to stay with him, he's only 6. I feel very empty and guilty. I know child custody issues won't go anywhere. My husband is a medical Dr himself and there is no way I can win this battle because he's soo intelligent. I've got a family member and he wanted to be out so many times but he would be recycled. His wife is queen type and I think his self esteem sufferes a lot. She doesn't do anything, no cooking, no cleaning absolutely lady of leisure. She has cheated on him twice before as well. I really don't get it but it's very sad.

[santa]

Right on. Don't promote nonsense. Just let her go be crazy somewhere else.