Hard Times Comin

[Depression = 72% of members]

Been about three months since I list directly spoke to my ex.  Lots of wierd stuff since then, but I haven't taken any of the bait.

I've been crying for days straight now.  I just had a majorly positive breakthrough yesterday at work, and I was terribly sad I couldn't share it with my ex.

I have come to a place where I don't think she will ever leave me.  I will never forget the times we shared, even if she wasn't experiencing them in the same way I was.  I found my inner little girl, if you will, in her, and I won't ever let that part go.  That's going to mean a lot of sadness as I realize the impostor was not that person.

The hard times are around my move.  She threatened to come back and find me, well I'm not letting it happen.  I'm moving before she gets back, because I just can't take any more heartache.  I know her games, and I don't want to play.

I feel like such a wuss for "running away" but in reality I need to move on and find a new space.  This one just haunts me with bad memories.

Yet, somehow I feel a sense of betraying her by disappearing.  I told her I was going to do it if she left me.  I told her I was going to be gone. 

I'm confused and it's hard to feel happy or make rational decisions when I feel like this.

[PhoenixRising15]

Been about three months since I list directly spoke to my ex.  Lots of wierd stuff since then, but I haven't taken any of the bait.

I've been crying for days straight now.  I just had a majorly positive breakthrough yesterday at work, and I was terribly sad I couldn't share it with my ex.

I have come to a place where I don't think she will ever leave me.  I will never forget the times we shared, even if she wasn't experiencing them in the same way I was.  I found my inner little girl, if you will, in her, and I won't ever let that part go.  That's going to mean a lot of sadness as I realize the impostor was not that person.

The hard times are around my move.  She threatened to come back and find me, well I'm not letting it happen.  I'm moving before she gets back, because I just can't take any more heartache.  I know her games, and I don't want to play.

I feel like such a wuss for "running away" but in reality I need to move on and find a new space.  This one just haunts me with bad memories.

Yet, somehow I feel a sense of betraying her by disappearing.  I told her I was going to do it if she left me.  I told her I was going to be gone. 

I'm confused and it's hard to feel happy or make rational decisions when I feel like this.

[TakingWingAtLast]

QF,

I can certainly understand both the need to leave and the sense of betrayal you feel.   It must be really hard on you.

Yet, you know what is healthy for you.  You already know the costs of trying to reengage.  You are making bold steps for your own health and well-being.  It's certainly not wussing out!  I congratulate you!

Be well, QF.  In time, like for everyone here, the pain, loss, anger and grief will come to acceptance and you will be in a much better place in the long run!   

We understand and will support you as you make your way through your confusion.  It will indeed be hard times a'comin, but you will weather the storm into the beautiful sunlight in the aftermath.

Yours,

D

[zordon11]

Hey  QuestioningFaith,

So NC is not working for you? If she is threatening you you need to call POLICE ASAP (record her calls, save her texts, e-mail as a proof). And never tell her where are you moving and please let know all your friends/family to never tell her since she may reach out to them.

Stay strong! We are here for you and remember "Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise"

[Ironmanrises]

Question,

You are not a wuss my brother. You are trying to protect yourself from a harmful person. I dont blame you for moving, if that eases your mind/sanity for a even a little, then that is the prudent thing to do. You want physical distance from her, i totally understand that. She has/is hurting you. The haunting memories you refer to, are a reflection of that. You trying to make sense of what she is presenting now(the imposter) versus the original person you fell in love with, i totally relate and understand that completely. I still struggle with that. The imposter that sprouts forth after we trigger the pwBPD in our lives, is an experience that has jarred me beyond words. That other side. I get chest pains when i remember my exUBPDgf demeanor as that other side. Seeing it in person, has been one of those things that has been burned into my memory. I know you dont wish to abandon her, it was no different with mine. NC is not going to cure you, but will give you that buffer space that you need, once ready, to begin to heal. We are here for you. Hang in there my brother.  

[ShadowDancer]

Re: Hard Times Comin

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=214825.

The best thing I did was in the moving from my location. Changed all contact information. Poof... .gone! Out of sight!

I don't wear that target anymore.

I am Shadow. I am dancing the last waltz.

Happy feat. Happy feet.