More afraid of being alone than ending it with a BPD partner?

[Pretty Woman]

You know, my therapist brought up something interesting the other day.

She asked what I feared and I said, "Being Alone"

To which she responded, "well weren't you already alone in this relationship?"

Why yes.  Yes I was. 

I never really thought about it like that. 

FOG= Fear, Obligation and Guilt.

I never trusted my ex she gave me no good reason to do so. 

What is most funny to me us she always said she didn't trust me.

I never gave any reason. 

But back on point... .

Did you feel alone in your relationship?

[Rose Tiger]

I sure did, especially during the silent treatment days.  I felt like I couldn't exist without him though, even though I was very independent prior to the relationship.  It took making the break to find out, again, that yes I can take care of myself.  I had to relearn how to be alone and be ok with it, again.  They didn't rescue us from anything, it's like they anti-rescue us.  Getting away is re-rescuing ourselves.

[Tincup]

I also felt alone during the relationship, alienated actually.  We did not live together, but lived kind of close to each other.  Looking back on it I felt worse after I spent time with her.  I would feel almost dirty.  I am not sure why, and am still processing this feeling. 

[Pretty Woman]

Mine seemed always unhappy.  She was so joyous when we met and then she snapped at me over something so minute.  It scared the hell out of me.  She was frightening.  I remember at the beginning I actually old her to take a hike.  My gut told me she needed help but she cried and begged me.   

I stayed. 

But after that I gave her all my power and she dumped me regularly.  Each time I thought it was over... .it wasn't. 

This time I feel it really is. 

I know about month three it will start to crash and burn.  My ex will get bored.  She is dating someone who has never been in a gay relationship just as I was.  As soon as this girl starts to process and accept she will be cruely dumped. 

My ex can not deal if her partner is stressed.  She runs, perceives it as rejection. 

Her new target is very insecure and wounded.  She waited four years to divorce a husband who walked out one day and never spoke to her again.  She waited to see if he'd come back. 

This relationship is going to institutionalize her. 

[popeye6031]

I enjoy being alone, always have.  It is what makes my relationship even harder to handle, that my every move needs accounted for.

But getting to your point, I certainly feel that my thoughts and feelings are never taken into consideration.

Everything is about her.  Even tragedies that happen in the world make her think about how it affects her.

The lack of trust drives me nuts.  I have to account for myself pretty much every minute of the day, while she is free to do what she wants, when she wants.

[Waifed]

You know, my therapist brought up something interesting the other day.

She asked what I feared and I said, "Being Alone"

To which she responded, "well weren't you already alone in this relationship?"

Why yes.  Yes I was.  

I never really thought about it like that.  

FOG= Fear, Obligation and Guilt.

I never trusted my ex she gave me no good reason to do so.  

What is most funny to me us she always said she didn't trust me.

I never gave any reason.  

But back on point... .

Did you feel alone in your relationship?

You make many good points and I felt very similar.  I don't know if I was afraid to be alone but she had chipped away at my self esteem and I felt like no one else would ever want me.  She would even make comments saying this.  I always fought back and said that a lot of people would want me.  I said that but I didn't believe it.  I spent the last 2 years of the relationship trying to get out but every time I tried she would suck me back in.  I knew it was never going to work but I kept hoping things would change.  The "love" I felt was just so intoxicating. 

It is so amazing that you can be so addicted to a POS.  I can not wait to get over this.  I hate this feeling of emptiness.  It has really been going on since the end of the first year we dated.  2-1/2 years of emptiness.  PUKE  

[Pretty Woman]

Waifed,

   I mean how abusive is that? Telling someone they couldn't find anyone else or better?

See, we forget we were abused and we started to believe it. BPD's are very astute in picking up on our insecurities and using them against us. 

We are the only ones that can break this cycle. 

For our own sanity and well being. 

[Waifed]

Waifed,

  I mean how abusive is that? Telling someone they couldn't find anyone else or better?

See, we forget we were abused and we started to believe it. BPD's are very astute in picking up on our insecurities and using them against us.  

We are the only ones that can break this cycle.  

For our own sanity and well being.  

E Angel,

You are right.  She said things to me and at the same time accused me of cheating on her constantly! 

It is only us who can break this cycle.  It is so very hard because even 4 months out I still replay things in my head constantly.  I know she is no good and I would never want her back yet it would be a struggle to not let her in if she knocked on my door.  (I wouldn't let her in though since she called the cops on me and I wouldn't want to be anywhere alone with her.)  I also still struggle with boundaries after a toxic 3 year relationship.  Her lack of boundaries rubbed off on me and I have to be very conscious of what I do and say right now because my feelings are uninhibited.  

[Pretty Woman]

That's another thing.  I got totally threatened with restraining orders. 

They make you out to be a total perpetrator when they are the ones perpetrating you!

I am amazed when I read this board.  How can all these people be violent criminals?  Omg my ex is un diagnosed but c'mon really similarities are uncanny!

We deserve better.  Thing is and this is not to insult but we have issues to have stayed.  We can change though and find fulfilling relationships.  They can't. 

[Kadee]

I feared being alone, after being married to him for 34 years. We married young, I had never been alone. Straight from parents home to him.

I am so much happier alone these last 10 months. Not to say I haven't been lonely, but I've come to understand that I am not mourning a marriage, I am yearning for a relationship I never had.

Big difference, mourning and yearning. Sometimes hard to tell the difference until you realize.