messages

[zkirtz]

Ok so I left a violent relationship and I am trying this no contact for half a year now. Fot two weeks I had peace and NC but now I got again those terrible messages:

three days  ago it said I stil love you in capitals and something I may or may not understand as a threat. And now I got this mail "didn't you ever love me". Should I still not react? The strange thing is that I first seemed to have convinced him in to thinking that it was better not to have contact with me but now he is desperate again.

He always talks about suicide in december. Bercause then anopther year has passed without his situation getting better.

I am afraid. I do not know now what he is up to. Should I really not react?

[Perfidy]

Zkritz ... Sorry you had to go through all that... Violence especially. I feel that whenever violence is a factor complete zero contact is the only way. Might help to read a bit about extinction burst. Let them kick. Ignore them. It's just a way (childish) to get attention. If you really are concerned about his committing suicide call the authorities and the can send people to preform a welfare check. Don't ever involve your self to the point where physical harm could come to you. More than likely the suicide threat is just that... .Only a threat... Because people that really are suicidal just do it. Some of us are lucky enough to realize that we don't want to die. We just don't want to hurt anymore and if we run out of resources suicide could happen. I was suicidal. I did not share that with my ex. I shared it with my counsellor. She gave me resources. I am still living.

Ignore the messages and go on with your life. Stay in the now. Right now he can't hurt you. Peace...

[fromheeltoheal]

Ok so I left a violent relationship and I am trying this no contact for half a year now. Fot two weeks I had peace and NC but now I got again those terrible messages:

three days  ago it said I stil love you in capitals and something I may or may not understand as a threat. And now I got this mail "didn't you ever love me". Should I still not react? The strange thing is that I first seemed to have convinced him in to thinking that it was better not to have contact with me but now he is desperate again.

He always talks about suicide in december. Bercause then anopther year has passed without his situation getting better.

I am afraid. I do not know now what he is up to. Should I really not react?

Hi zkirtz-

I'm a little confused because you say you had no contact for half a year, but you had peace and NC for two weeks?

Anyway, your relationship ended for whatever reason, so he is no longer your problem.  You can react if you want to, but the bigger question is why do you want to?  If you are truly detached you would view his communication attempts with indifference, they wouldn't mean much to you beyond a little curiosity maybe, but him talking about suicide and you being afraid indicates you are still emotionally connected.  You should do whatever you want to do, but look at your motivation compared to what you really want and need.

[zkirtz]

oh yess it is like this: I havent talked back since july, he on the other hand did not call me for a month but two weeks ago he started mailing again, another mail three days ago and today I got this mail. And I was called an hour ago by an unknown number but chances are near 100%, that this is him. The reason why I still "care"is because he is violent and desperate and most importantly, because he knows where I live. I am now looking for a cheap vacation home for december so that I do not have to worry. The reason why I want to react is because then I know what he is up to and now I am eating my heart out, because I do not now. I live in a 5story apartment so there is no alternate exit route. In the long term I am already wondering: should I move, but for today I am wondering: should I stay here at all.

[fromheeltoheal]

Is it time for law enforcement and the courts to get involved?  Do you have security in your building?

[heartandwhole]

The reason why I still "care"is because he is violent and desperate and most importantly, because he knows where I live. I am now looking for a cheap vacation home for december so that I do not have to worry. The reason why I want to react is because then I know what he is up to and now I am eating my heart out, because I do not now. I live in a 5story apartment so there is no alternate exit route. In the long term I am already wondering: should I move, but for today I am wondering: should I stay here at all.

zkirtz,

I'm sorry to hear that you are getting these messages, that is very disturbing, and your feelings are very understandable.  I would definitely encourage you create a safety plan.  You may never need it, but it's better to have thought things through ahead of time, than to wait until you are in crisis.

Here's some information:

Safety First

What do you think?