Should this make me nervous?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

he has called me 5 times in the past 45 minutes which is extreme even for him and now I am getting a little worried. Can't imagine what is going thru his head... .3 days ago I texted him saying I was done for good and went NC... .He hasn't left any messages or texted at all just calling repeatedly... .He always texts so  the fact that he's not is peculiar.

[Aw511]

he has called me 5 times in the past 45 minutes which is extreme even for him and now I am getting a little worried. Can't imagine what is going thru his head... .3 days ago I texted him saying I was done for good and went NC... .He hasn't left any messages or texted at all just calling repeatedly... .He always texts so  the fact that he's not is peculiar.

[Surnia]

Can you say what are your worries? More direction stalking or is he suicidal? Or something else?

[Aw511]

Sorry, no I don't think he is suicidal just afraid he is going to show up on my doorstep I guess... .luckily I'm not home. I'm sure he is drunk so hopefully he passed out by now it's been a while since the last ring

[Surnia]

Okay than, yes being drunk and doing this would make same sense.

I hope, it will stop.

[damage control]

When I told the ex I wanted no contact, it elicited  extreme responses from him ... he doesn't want me but ... .he doesn't want to let me go ... .

And so the merry-go-round continues

[fromheeltoheal]

Mine did the same thing. She would text me more than any other form of communication, but when I left her the texting stopped and I got phone calls. I had been trusting the words in texts, silly me, never trust the words with a borderline, and she confirmed when she stopped texting that texting was a lower form of communication than the phone, and therefore easier to hide behind. She started calling in a flurry because she knew I was serious about leaving her, as I sat there kicking myself for putting way too much weight on what she told me by text all those months. She lived too far away to just show up, and eventually the calls stopped.

So that's my take; he knows you mean it. Consider that the good news.

[Aw511]

Thanks guys. The grand total was 9 over 3 hours... .I think you are right about the calling vs. texting. When we dated he would explicitly say he does NOT talk on the phone (bizarre, too intimate I think) and would even question me if I did call him for something. Suddenly after we break up he starts calling me all the time... .Last night he actually called me more times than he did when we were together! 

[Tincup]

the whole text vs call thing is weird.  My ex never called me in 5 years we were together, only texts and like 40-50 texts a day.  Stay strong, it is time to get off the merry go round and try a new ride.

[patientandclear]

Just chiming in on the texts vs. calling because I know how comforting it is when we realizing this is all a real "thing" and not a collection of random hurtful behaviors.

My ex & I had long glorious phone calls when we were first seeing each other.  Getting to know each other in that deep way you can when you have hours of conversation.  I was with my kid so we couldn't be together most evenings, but this was wonderful.

After we broke up, no more phone calls.  Even after we reconnected as friends, no phone calls.  When he had a tender moment a few months ago & we were texting about his scared, fragile feelings, I offered a phone call & he quickly responded no, he's weird about the phone, not sure why.  I'm sure you are all right, it's intimate.  There's no buffer.  He might slip & provide information he later regretted.  (Often true when we are physically together.)  It's the same reason he doesn't seem able to see me more than every few weeks, even when we are in the same city.  It scares him & he almost physically falls apart.

But.  A while back I gathered that he was seeing someone else and I pulled back the slightest bit in our email communication, which is all we have left now (he stopped texting when he got a new gf -- that's one reason I figured it out).  Suddenly he was offering phone calls.  It's like they know that is the necessary level of engagement to prevent you from leaving. 

[fromheeltoheal]

Just chiming in on the texts vs. calling because I know how comforting it is when we realizing this is all a real "thing" and not a collection of random hurtful behaviors.

My ex & I had long glorious phone calls when we were first seeing each other.  Getting to know each other in that deep way you can when you have hours of conversation.  I was with my kid so we couldn't be together most evenings, but this was wonderful.

After we broke up, no more phone calls.  Even after we reconnected as friends, no phone calls.  When he had a tender moment a few months ago & we were texting about his scared, fragile feelings, I offered a phone call & he quickly responded no, he's weird about the phone, not sure why.  I'm sure you are all right, it's intimate.  There's no buffer.  He might slip & provide information he later regretted.  (Often true when we are physically together.)  It's the same reason he doesn't seem able to see me more than every few weeks, even when we are in the same city.  It scares him & he almost physically falls apart.

But.  A while back I gathered that he was seeing someone else and I pulled back the slightest bit in our email communication, which is all we have left now (he stopped texting when he got a new gf -- that's one reason I figured it out).  Suddenly he was offering phone calls.  It's like they know that is the necessary level of engagement to prevent you from leaving. 

Yes, the lowest form of communication is words-only like text and email, the next is the phone where we get tone of voice and tempo along with the words, and then in person we get the added body language, which is most of the message.  Mine felt most comfortable by text, although she could and did bullsht on the phone endlessly, but in person was too intimate for her to be as comfortable and she turned into someone I didn't like much.  But you're right, when things got more serious, in that she felt she was losing me, she would use the phone and not text, because she was aware it was more complete communication.