Covert / Stealth Narcissism

[Waifed]

My ex WAIF displayed many of these characteristics. It makes me sick to think she could be a full blown narcissist.  I think more than likely she just had strong leanings. I also think covert narcissism is very similar to severe passive aggressiveness with lack of empathy differentiating the two. I think she felt shame and it appeared that she had empathy for others (me... .not so much).  It is pretty hard to come up with many empathetic moments though.

[damage control]

Waifed ... .

I was stunned when I read the article posted here last week on PA disorder ... it was/is my ex to the letter bar one or two small points - his background, his behaviour etc ... .

I wondered just a few months in if he was a narc ... but the reading I did didn't quite fit or explain ... .not in the way BPD and PA do ... .the PA stuff helped explain why there was a lack of rage (there isn't of course, it just manifests differently due to the PA tendencies) ... .these PD's are a sliding scale and as they describe real, actual people and behaviours, they are a living scale ... so it changes as well ... but that aha! moment ... .it kinda helps

[fromheeltoheal]

NPD being co-morbid with BPD is pretty common apparently.  My borderline was very narcissistic along with extreme BPD Queen traits, although narcissistic traits are similar to BPD Queen traits.  Hell I don't know, I'm no shrink, but I do know that when we sat in a restaurant together she was absolutely convinced that every man in there was checking her out, and every woman was pissed about it.  She also expected constant vigilance from me, god forbid I've do my own thing or focus on something other than mighty her for a moment; that was good for some rage.  Oh, and her persistent question: "What are you going to do when I get famous?"  Well, I'll trust you even less than I do now, but not to worry, you'll sabotage yourself if you get close.

Yes, narcissistic traits all, not so covert though, pretty blatant.

[winston3]

Absolutely familiar with the covert narcissism. With my ex I wondered why she did these random little things and the true purpose was call attention or to judge herself vis-a-vis what was around her. Shopping mall, restaurant, café, or even while surfing the net - it was always about whether or not she was good enough etc., "But so and so is so skinny and more attractive than me etc.,"

The worst for me though is when the negative result of this narcissism made her project her self-hatred onto me. That was the worst. And I would almost end up believing her sometimes when she would say absolutely nasty stuff and blow up my every weak spot.

I partially wish that I had another chance with my ex to try different strategies for dealing with that behavior.