Things that help me in my healing

[Our abuse recovery guide]

As suggested by P.F. Change. But hopefully others will have things to add.

So here goes. I grew up being terrified by my PD sister. I was afraid to draw attention to myself because she would get so angry and retaliate. So there were things I longed to do and never could. One of those things was to write songs. Another was to learn to play guitar. I did briefly have a guitar when I was in my teens, but it was stolen before I could learn to play it. Can't blame that on my sister, as she would never have stolen a guitar. I also liked to sing but was terrified of singing in front of people because I was sure they would make fun of me. So this is one of my healing things. It started on a birthday that had been just lousy. On my job they fired 20 people, many who were my friends. Then my husband forgot. But his buddy told him to come to karaoke and since it was mostly just friends, we agreed. My friends talked me into singing! They kept saying that since they did it, that I had to sing too. So I did. I sang House of the Rising Sun. They applauded. I sang again. It's the only time I ever went to karaoke. Then a few months later I bought a ukulele. Then a guitar. And I started putting songs to music. And I played in front of people. All of this has gotten me to see that I AM capable and I AM competent. This is part of my healing. The songs I have written are not anything big, but they are based on things from my life. Like my love for my husband. I have found that pushing myself out of my shell, helps me to heal further.

[Deb]

As suggested by P.F. Change. But hopefully others will have things to add.

So here goes. I grew up being terrified by my PD sister. I was afraid to draw attention to myself because she would get so angry and retaliate. So there were things I longed to do and never could. One of those things was to write songs. Another was to learn to play guitar. I did briefly have a guitar when I was in my teens, but it was stolen before I could learn to play it. Can't blame that on my sister, as she would never have stolen a guitar. I also liked to sing but was terrified of singing in front of people because I was sure they would make fun of me. So this is one of my healing things. It started on a birthday that had been just lousy. On my job they fired 20 people, many who were my friends. Then my husband forgot. But his buddy told him to come to karaoke and since it was mostly just friends, we agreed. My friends talked me into singing! They kept saying that since they did it, that I had to sing too. So I did. I sang House of the Rising Sun. They applauded. I sang again. It's the only time I ever went to karaoke. Then a few months later I bought a ukulele. Then a guitar. And I started putting songs to music. And I played in front of people. All of this has gotten me to see that I AM capable and I AM competent. This is part of my healing. The songs I have written are not anything big, but they are based on things from my life. Like my love for my husband. I have found that pushing myself out of my shell, helps me to heal further.

[Marcia]

Wow, good for you Deb! You are getting on with enjoying your life. What a worthwhile pursuit--must be fun to engage your musical talent! Thanks for sharing   

[Deb]

I can't say how much talent I have. But I am enjoying myself. And living well is the best revenge, right?   Not that I seek revenge on my sister. Nope, I truly wish her well. I didn't used to be able to say that.

[redroom]

That is wonderful, and it's good to hear that you don't wish revenge on your sister.  I have a hard time dealing w/ the wanting revenge aspect of things.  I feel that if I lived well, then my uBPDm and deceased uNPDf get off the hook for what they've done.  If their kid turned out OK, then they couldn't be too bad, right?  I just can't get around that thinking. 

What helps me is writing or doing some sort of art (I'm not too good at either, but I enjoy them and have fun), but only if I can share my stuff with others.  If it's just me, then I don't feel the same way about it.  And I don't really know anyone I can share things with... .  I was in a partial hospitalization, and I really miss the art groups that they used to have. 

My current coping skills aren't good.  I just sleep all the time, or sit on the computer for hours and take trivia quizzes... . 

[Coral]

Dear Deb,

So proud and happy for your accomplishments!   Having a BPD sis, I know those side winding arrows all too well.  I'll rarely dance and never in front of her because the last time I did, she said, "Ohh, if you want to learn to dance, let me know."   She is a great dancer.      Like you, I don't do anything in front of her... .bleech.   

You're doing wonderfully!