My update

[Chosen]

Hi Staying board,

I haven't been around much lately, but I'm still around, although I've been posting less.  Things are still going well, and it has been going well for 4, 5 months now, to the point in which I'm feeling a lot more secure.  And I'm not just saying for these few months we only had little episodes- we barely had any episodes at all, and many a times I found uBPDh being able to/ willing to control himself a bit better.

Examples:

- When H is frustrated, he is angry.  There was a time he was really frustrated while going to a restaurant to meet somebody (we went separately).  He almost shouted me over the phone, and I got scared, thinking it will be a huge episode, he's going to be angry, I'll never hear the end of it.  Then at the lunch he was fine, and afterwards he didn't talk about the issue again.

- A similar time he was frustrated with me (this time directly) because he needed my help on something and I kept on asking him questions instead of trying to help him (but it's because he didn't give me any details so I can't help him, I needed some information).  He almost shout at me over the phone again, and I managed to stay firm and asked him some questions I needed to help him.  After I helped him, he said thanks and dropped the issue.

And things are calmer not because our lives have been calmer- in fact, H is undergoing some pretty harsh times at work, but he is now more receptive to my validation (or perhaps I’m getting slightly better at it), and allows himself time for self-soothing too.  While he still has the tendency to feel things stronger than us (e.g. the stuff at his work wouldn’t have bothered me THAT much but it made him miserable), at least now he doesn’t *just* see it entirely in black- or maybe he does, but for a shorter period and he’s able to see some white. 

Still, I wouldn’t call myself a “success story” just yet, and I’m still taking the calmer times to practice on my validation and various tools.  At least now I have a longer period of peace for learning tools for myself!

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[zaqsert]

Glad to hear!  Well done!   

Feeling that stability does help to make it through the small episodes, and even helps those little episodes affect you less than they used to.  Keep it up!

[waverider]

This is good, the fact that you feel good is a success. If it relapses don't be too disappointed you will have learned enough to stop it falling too far back,



Feeling good and confident about yourself rubs off.

[coworkerfriend]

Thanks for posting an update.  It is good to hear that you are feeling more secure.  That is awesome.

[allibaba]

Congratulations Chosen.  Nice to see that the tools are working for you!

[Rockylove]

    Love hearing this, Chosen!  Rock on!  I'm in a similar situation right now and although the calm is wonderful, there are moments that I think he's going to go off and I cringe.  I'm making every effort to keep my memories from clouding my better judgment.

[Chosen]

It feels so good not to be walking on eggshells all the time, and I guess because I'm more aware of his emotions now, as well as my own, I don't add so much fire to whatever fire he has, and that has certainly helped. 

So I do recommend learning the tools for everybody, whether your pwBPD is diagnosed or not, high-functioning or low-functioning, because it does make your life easier. 

[Seashells]

Hi Chosen,

So glad to hear the update.  It's encouraging and so good to hear things are going well for you.