BPDs come in many levels...

[LivingLearning]

Been realizing that maybe my ex isn't as extreme as some others ex's here.

That reminds me to not revolve the world around me. To realize our experiences are different and similar.

It also helps for me to realize how this board helps me acknowledge something it took a long time for me to admit: I may be attracted to people who are mentally Ill. Even now, I still cringe at that phrase. Telling.

What does that mean of me? All the reading, boards, yoga, some meditation, therapy I've done over the years is actually helping... .

And help for us has come such a long way. Ins so glad for that for people who are new to therapy. Such hope and resources. Like this board.

[santa]

Don't beat yourself up over being attracted to someone who is "mentally ill". It's not like you're preying on someone with down syndrome or something. They're pretty neat people, in general. They don't turn into psychos until they fall in love with you... .and how were you supposed to know?

It's just one of those things.

[LivingLearning]

Hahaha!

Thanks Santa, good present.

Your "Whatevs, so you didn't realize what you're getting yourself into" perspective (if i have it right) is so great to hear.

[Changingman]

Ha ha

Yes just kinda insain when they get close. Who would know? Lovers (depending on how close they ) and therapists

[heartandwhole]

LivingLearning,

There's no shame in being attracted to another human being, disorder or not.  More than likely, this relationship felt familiar from the dynamics in your childhood.  It actually took me a while to see that, because at first glance it didn't seem like anything I had known before.  But with time and therapeutic digging, I found a deep well of stuff that needed attention!

What I experienced of my pwBPD was very loving and very aware.  Never raged or insulted me. He was in therapy and working hard at his issues.  A person easy to fall in love with, especially when you factor in the idealization and mirroring.    It still ended in tears, enough to drown a city.

I don't regret loving him, or anyone.  We're human and that's what we do, until we learn how to choose more wisely.   

[LivingLearning]

Thank you so much for the support and help. Frustrating day today at work and your posts were really warming to read. Was a bit hard to write back my ex today finally and be un-enmeshed. I do miss her, and more and more I realize what I miss is something else... .the joy of sharing, helping, Contributing, supporting. That's not her.

[LivingLearning]

(As in, those things I miss aren't her. Those things are things I miss that I experienced while I was with her. That I have myself. Figuring out how to give myself those things without her)

[Changingman]

LivingLearning,

There's no shame in being attracted to another human being, disorder or not.  More than likely, this relationship felt familiar from the dynamics in your childhood.  It actually took me a while to see that, because at first glance it didn't seem like anything I had known before.  But with time and therapeutic digging, I found a deep well of stuff that needed attention!

What I experienced of my pwBPD was very loving and very aware.  Never raged or insulted me. He was in therapy and working hard at his issues.  A person easy to fall in love with, especially when you factor in the idealization and mirroring.    It still ended in tears, enough to drown a city.

I don't regret loving him, or anyone.  We're human and that's what we do, until we learn how to choose more wisely.   

Don't believe they can recover, just to much. Too cold, seems to be what they are, no backbone, no self realisation, no empathy, no love.

That BPD woman on YouTube who is now a therapist/book writer, Mahrina or some nonscence name ( like a perfect false front )

The anger and bitterness she projects just scares me. Really messed up feel like she'd attack you.

Coasting is what I suspect is cure for them.

I'm hoping my daughter is not developing BPD TRAITS, trying hard but her mum is a great teacher of ***.

The love is coming from you... .X

Therapy? Too deep for a human to cure I suspect.

Crooked wood of humanity.

[Changingman]

LivingLearning,

There's no shame in being attracted to another human being, disorder or not.  More than likely, this relationship felt familiar from the dynamics in your childhood.  It actually took me a while to see that, because at first glance it didn't seem like anything I had known before.  But with time and therapeutic digging, I found a deep well of stuff that needed attention!

What I experienced of my pwBPD was very loving and very aware.  Never raged or insulted me. He was in therapy and working hard at his issues.  A person easy to fall in love with, especially when you factor in the idealization and mirroring.    It still ended in tears, enough to drown a city.

I don't regret loving him, or anyone.  We're human and that's what we do, until we learn how to choose more wisely.   

Don't believe they can recover, just to much. Too cold, seems to be what they are, no backbone, no self realisation, no empathy, no love.

That BPD woman on YouTube who is now a therapist/book writer, Mahrina or some nonscence name ( like a perfect false front )

The anger and bitterness she projects just scares me. Really messed up feel like she'd attack you.

Coasting is what I suspect is cure for them.

I'm hoping my daughter is not developing BPD TRAITS, trying hard but her mum is a great teacher of ***.

The love is coming from you... .X

Therapy? Too deep for a human to cure I suspect.

Crooked wood of humanity.

[GreenMango]

It also helps for me to realize how this board helps me acknowledge something it took a long time for me to admit: I may be attracted to people who are mentally Ill. Even now, I still cringe at that phrase. Telling.

What does that mean of me? All the reading, boards, yoga, some meditation, therapy I've done over the years is actually helping... .

Hi LL

It's good to hear you have some things that help with coping.  That's a positive step.

You mentioned maybe being attracted to people with mental illness.  You wouldn't be the first person here to notice that.

Here's a great workshop article on some of the why's and how's of partnering up with people who have these struggles.  It's a pretty popular one many folks see a lot of them self in it.

PERSPECTIVES: From idealization to devaluation - why we struggle

US: From idealization to devaluation - why we struggle

for members that have exited BPD relationships

Why is the idealization phase so intoxicating and the devaluation phase so painful for many of us?

The bond between the pwBPD and their partner is often complicated by lifelong emotional wounds each partner is unconsciously trying to sooth with the relationship.  When the relationship breaks, these underlying wounds often surface and make the breakup very traumatic.  

Recognizing how our own thoughts impact us as adults and taking steps to heal from our own lifelong wounds plays an important role in our recovery.

This workshop is an opportunity to explore why we feel that our break-up is so traumatic.  Let’s explore:

• What brought us into the situation?



• What vulnerabilities exist within us ?



• How does our own childhood play a role?



• Is this dynamic evident in our everyday life?



• How can you begin to heal?