imagine all the sour relationships there are where BPD isn't even discovered

[ogopogodude]

   Here it took me literally years to discover what the crap was wrong with my BPD wife. I wondered why she acted in the weird ways that she did, and why she had temper tantrums and so on.

    But just imagine how many relationships there are out there where one spouse is still in extreme confusion about their mate's behaviour.  This BPD thing should be more "advertised" and public aware, so one can investigate it more if their relationship is in peril. It seems that everybody knows what bipolar is, ... .Think of Michael Douglas' wife Catherine Zeta-Jones ... .she even made the cover of People magazine about her having bipolar disorder.

   It is about time that BPD is in the spotlight, ... .as it is my opinion that it is the disease that afflicts way more people.

[heartandwhole]

ogopogodude,

I agree with you.  I had never heard about BPD until my pwBPD told me he had been diagnosed.  After learning about the disorder, I see traits in friends and family, husbands of friends, etc. 

I actually don't know anyone in my circle of friends who has heard of it, except for a work colleague who used to be a therapist.  That said, I don't talk much about BPD with friends or family, but the ones I've mentioned it to, had no idea.

Becoming informed and learning tools to manage relationships would help decrease the amount of pain so many of us (BPD included) go through.

Thanks for bringing up the subject.

[ogopogodude]

I have to say that ever since I read the book "walking on eggshells" (and many more books on the topic) I have noticed the behaviour of those around me & see traits of BPD in all of us, ... .and in me as well... .but just not to the degree/extent of a BPD person.

[ogopogodude]

Also, ... I find when a person does want to find out more about this affliction I find that I always have to explain things really   s l o w l y   

... .meaning that I say this little blurb: "BPD stands for      b o r d e r l i n e    personality disorder & it is very much like bipolar but it is much, much worse in terms of argumentativeness and conflict."  Then the person I am talking to or informing typically says, ... "what's that called again?... .borderhit_ what?"

[ogopogodude]

Then I find that I have to "walk the person thru" actually saying it out loud... .

[ogopogodude]

Then that person typically says: "why is it called borderline?" (as they stumble saying the word borderline)

[ogopogodude]

Then (the medical training in me) I am tempted to say "well, it is on the border of being a neurosis and a psychosis" ... .but even that confuses me so I say "well, ... it is on the border of being crazy and not crazy" ... .to simplify things.

   Does anybody else (on these forums) have this issue of people wanting to know more but have trouble actually saying the phrase BPD?

[Jbt857]

I agree. I only really fully understood it after me and my BPDexh split, after 10 years of driving myself crazy trying to make it work between us.

He had been diagnosed with NPD about 6 months before we split, but he stopped T and at that time he was acting out big time on the NPD behaviours, so that's what I focused on.

Before this, I had no idea BPD existed. Then I came here and saw a zillion stories like my own.

And you know, now I know, I also know I had a relationship with a BPD before, about 15 years ago. At that time, I was totally ignorant and put it down to him being '40% nice guy, 60% b*stard' because I had no other way to justify how he had treated me. (He stalked me for 18 months after we split, and physically attacked me).

But it took me coming here to understand that. I'm so glad this board exists - to be able to put a name to it and understand what drives it is a godsend.

[Ironmanrises]

Bipolar is more accepted because the person can take meds for it to help control the mood swings, whereas there really is no medication for BPD(other then anti depressants to control the depression aspect, correct me if I am wrong), since it is a disorder of intimacy, a behavioral disorder. In my opinion, BPD is far worse then Bipolar(not to make it sound like dealing with someone with bipolar isn't hell), but this forum and the horrific accounts give credence to that.

[DivorcedNon]

I agree as well. I made a similar point some time ago that we who are here are blessed to learn about BPD. Then after learning about it I was shocked to learn how ignorant about BPD are mental health professionals.

However, BPD helped me start asking and answering the following questions: Why was I attracted to a person with severe mental illness? What is wrong with me? How can I get better and make better choices in the future?

[ogopogodude]

I was (and still am) attracted to my mate (who I have left and have a restraining order against).  She is physically quite attractive, petite, and can be very nice. But then she turns like a rabid dog ... .very scary.

   My wife was not like this when I married her... .she was awesome. This is my take on the evolution of her problem: She was always BPD, ... .i just didn't know it. She had quirks about her that made me actually attracted to her. But these quirks became ... .well, ... .weird. ... .just plain strange behaviour.

    By the time she was hitting 40 years old, she had exhausted all the typical ways to cope with situations. Then the "crazy" light switch was turned on and the real bizarre stuff started to occur.  The coping skills were now zero. She was able to hide things for decades until her forties.  Now all h e l l has broke loose.