How to handle a trigger/PTSD

[snappafcw]

Hi guys... .I hope you are all having a great day and travelling along well with your healing.

I thought I may have a good question that is relevant to a lot of us here. I am 11 months out from my breakup now. I finally seem to be moving along ok. When I feel sad which is usually a few times a day I allow myself to feel it and it generally passes. I have been strong enough not to check my ex girlfriends social media and I have not emailed/contacted her in months either. I do not know what she is up to and we all know that's for the best life goes on... .

But... .

What happens if i hear about her in passing or If I bump into her? What happens if I accidently see a photo of her happy with a new guy or even her ex. I just fear one of these events could honestly trigger some trauma I have experienced and bring me back down to square one. How have the rest of you handled this if you have been in this situation? As I said my healing is moving forward but I still suffer some PTSD as the breakup like for almost all of us here was one of the most traumatic things i have experienced.

Thank you 

[Surnia]

Hi snappafcw

Good to hear you are better now! 

My guess is about bumping occasionally into her: You will have increased heart rate, a little shock perhaps, some adrenalin. It will not bring you back to square one. For me it helps to think about my options, like "I don't have to talk to her."

[Hazelrah]

Hi Snap,

I think Surnia was pretty accurate with her observations.  You likely will have some form of a negative reaction, commensurate with where you are in your healing.  Personally, I have found that I do take a small step backwards when I'm in a situation that I need to communicate (via text or e-mail) with my soon-to-be-ex BPDw.  The thing is that I now usually bounce back a bit faster than I would have in past months (I'm about five months out, so the rate of improvement feels rather accelerated).  Seeing her in person will likely provide a considerable challenge to me, as I have not seen her since June (it is still hard to wrap my mind around the fact that she has stayed away for so very long considering the separation was so sudden), but the fact I'm in a better place now leads me to believe I will be able to soldier through it.  I bet you will be able to as well!

[Traumatized]

I ran into my BPDx one week ago today.  My response?  I had a full blown panic attack!  Two days after seeing her I foolishly checked her Facebook page, became suicidal, had an emotional meltdown, 4 cops and 2 EMT's showed up to my apartment and I ended up in a psych ward!

Since then I've learned about a technique called "Grounding."  It might be helpful to others who have PTSD (I have C-PTSD).  Here's a link to a site I found that explained it pretty good:

www.bcbhr.org/Articles.aspx?7

[snappafcw]

Thank you everyone for your feedback. I am so sorry Traumatized for what you just went through I can't even begin to imagine how painful that experience must have been for you and I guess that's what I am a little scared of. I hope things are a little better for you now and thank you so much for the information.

[Traumatized]

I am so sorry Traumatized for what you just went through I can't even begin to imagine how painful that experience must have been for you and I guess that's what I am a little scared of. I hope things are a little better for you now and thank you so much for the information.

Hopefully you won't have anywhere near the experience or reaction that I had.  What I went through was horrible!  After my visit to the psych ward, I had 3 relatively good days and even felt a sense of serenity.  Now I'm back to crying and dry heaving.  I dry heaved at least 30 times today.  I feel so sick.  I am emotionally exhausted.

I hope the grounding techniques work for you.  I've tried them out and they did help.  I just have to REMEMBER to use them. 

[Discovery]

snappafcw, Thank you for your question... .I've wondered the same, and honestly even thinking about it takes me halfway into a panic reaction in my body.

Traumatized, I'm so very sorry also to hear that you have gone through that. I haven't experienced what you did, but I do know the feeling of utter emotional and physical exhaustion. Like you, I'm guessing, I never ever could have imagined having to go through anything as agonizing as this emotional trauma, and it feels never-ending sometimes. I feel ill in my body off/on every day.

Thank you so much for sharing the grounding techniques. My somatic therapist does the looking around the room and naming things technique with me when working with my PSTD. I will try some of the other ones.

You are not alone. We're here for you, as we all walk this really painful path in our way.

[Johan]

I met her last month, for the 1st time in 11months since our break. Nearly broken up a year to this day.

I had not seen my ex once.

I was in a local bar and I met her on there same steps where I met her 1st time all those years ago, where in the RS she used always tell me about me and her waiting there together, how she remembers it n was nice moment (unusual to meet her there) and she looked SHOCKED, I was shocked too, her eyes looked really open, terrified intact, so scared, and she bolted out the door completely blanking me as If i was satan, literally inches from each other walking passed.

She then made a point of walking past by where I was with a male, i seen him turn to her as if it lied like are u ok? but she just walked head straight, now last week they have moved across the other side of the world together.

I will never forget that look on her face...   ever. It was as if i was a rapist who raped her. And it crushed me. I cried once home, i had some pity for her that night, even after the smear campaign, but I don't have pity now again because I feel so down in the last week because of this.

But it really hit home how disturbed this person is... .even after her 4years of therapy... .i don't believe she is fixed. To be in this relationship easily months after our RS... , and her seeing me and reacting how she did. It makes no sense. but what I learned from here over the months... it's a mental illness, is it meant to make sense?

(although i keep thinking now she over there, maybe it just me causes this reaction, and her therapy and all worked and it was just me she's like that with as she got better, and won;t be the same)

I wish you much luck snappafcw! Hopefully yours will be not like mine.