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Author Topic: Ex had her baby yesterday  (Read 964 times)
trevjim
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« on: December 22, 2013, 06:01:38 AM »

I logged onto my Facebook, and due to having many mutual friends, a picture of her, her boyfriend and her newborn where top of my Facebook news feed.

Its been a year since we broke up, give or take a couple of weeks,my life dream was to find the girl of my dreams, have kids and settle down (who's isn't?)

so when we broke up, I always dreaded the inevitable moment when she would have a child again.

so how did I feel when I saw the news yesterday?

I was sad and a tad jealous, however I know its not all smiles, Im happy in a sense for her, and I wish her and her children all the best I genuinely do. It wasnt the stab through the heart I always felt it would be.

I am a little depressed, I still crave wanting to fall in love and make a family and hope my time hurrys up.

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Surnia
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Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: 8 y married, divorced since 2012-11-22
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« Reply #1 on: December 22, 2013, 06:21:48 AM »

Hi trevjim

This is a difficult moment. Seing ex with her baby let coming up your own dreams and with it some pieces of the past. 

I think you handled it very well. Being aware with your own emotions and even some kind wishes for her.  Doing the right thing (click to insert in post)

So my wishes go to you, to find someone as a base for a family. 

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“Don’t shrink. Don’t puff up. Stand on your sacred ground.”  Brené Brown
arn131arn
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« Reply #2 on: December 22, 2013, 06:44:52 AM »

trev,

I admire how you can act with class right now.  I am not that healed.

I know it sounds trite or like I don't understand your situation, but, man, take it from me, you didn't want a child with a woman like her anyway.

Mine barely lets me see my son (8), which hurts him just as much as me... .that is what you would have to deal with for the rest of your life.  I hope you find someone who loves you for you, and loves you unconditionally. 

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heartandwhole
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« Reply #3 on: December 22, 2013, 11:00:43 AM »

trevjim,

I also think you handled that news very well.  I know it would be hard for me to see that.  I wish for you a really healthy and loving relationship and family.   

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When the pain of love increases your joy, roses and lilies fill the garden of your soul.
seeking balance
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« Reply #4 on: December 22, 2013, 11:19:16 AM »

I was sad and a tad jealous, however I know its not all smiles, Im happy in a sense for her, and I wish her and her children all the best I genuinely do. It wasnt the stab through the heart I always felt it would be.

I am a little depressed, I still crave wanting to fall in love and make a family and hope my time hurrys up.

My experience was similar to yours and my feelings as well.  I was a bit lethargic for a week or so, did the things I knew to do to process my emotions and eventually the depression passed.

I also understand wanting your own family and to love someone - that is the part that many single people whether they experience BPD relationship or not - go through.  We all want to love and be loved.

Thanks for posting - it sounds like you are managing your emotions quite good.

Peace,

SB
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Faith does not grow in the house of certainty - The Shack
caughtnreleased
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« Reply #5 on: December 22, 2013, 11:26:15 AM »

wow! It's been a year. Meaning it took her three months to find someone to have a child with... .what insanity. Even though you currently don't have everything you want in life, there's much more reward in having to work towards it, and part of that work includes letting the wrong people go.  You are handling it very well.
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The crumbs of love that you offer me, they're the crumbs I've left behind. - L. Cohen
huhhuh
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« Reply #6 on: December 22, 2013, 11:34:49 AM »

Ugh. That must be painfull to watch. I fear I will face the same situation at some time.

It must look like another person is living the life you are supposed to have.

My thoughts are with you. And I hope you will find a healthy person to share life with.
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Aussie0zborn
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« Reply #7 on: December 22, 2013, 04:13:44 PM »

Wow. She got pregnant just three months after separation?

As Arn said, this is not the right type of person to have a child with. Watching my former stepchildren suffer a BPD mother was painful enough, imagine watching your own children suffer and having them used against you? You're lucky it wasn't your baby and you probably  dodged a lifelong bullet. Glad to see you handled it well.
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GreenMango
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« Reply #8 on: December 22, 2013, 04:17:52 PM »

Excerpt
I still crave wanting to fall in love and make a family and hope my time hurrys up.

It will happen for you with the right person.  Keep looking up until then.

It's a new year soon and best wishes to you Trevjim.

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mango_flower
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« Reply #9 on: December 22, 2013, 04:24:28 PM »

So sorry to hear that Trevjim... .I remember talking to you way back, when all this kicked off.  The whole situation about your ex just makes me feel sick, to be honest

You're going to be all right though.  You will meet somebody, as you're a decent guy.  And you'll have that family you dreamed of, and you'll be able to sleep at night with peace in your heart, and your whole world being right - not having to worry about walking on eggshells or what tomorrow will bring.

Stay strong. x
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necchi
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« Reply #10 on: December 22, 2013, 04:44:10 PM »

Wow. She got pregnant just three months after separation?

As Arn said, this is not the right type of person to have a child with. Watching my former stepchildren suffer a BPD mother was painful enough, imagine watching your own children suffer and having them used against you? You're lucky it wasn't your baby and you probably  dodged a lifelong bullet. Glad to see you handled it well.

My feedback also!

you might not see this in palpable sense, but trust me, you "dodge" this bullet and lucky you did, you can't imagine how it's like to empathize for a child who lives and grow with a disordered

Lucky, ... .you have no idea!

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trevjim
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« Reply #11 on: December 23, 2013, 10:00:24 AM »

Wow. She got pregnant just three months after separation?

As Arn said, this is not the right type of person to have a child with. Watching my former stepchildren suffer a BPD mother was painful enough, imagine watching your own children suffer and having them used against you? You're lucky it wasn't your baby and you probably  dodged a lifelong bullet. Glad to see you handled it well.

My feedback also!

you might not see this in palpable sense, but trust me, you "dodge" this bullet and lucky you did, you can't imagine how it's like to empathize for a child who lives and grow with a disordered

Lucky, ... .you have no idea!

Thank you everyone, means alot! Im certainly learning to manage my emotions better and let them run their course, im feeling better even after a couple of days now!

and yes I dodged a bullet, I just hope the kids get the life they deserve.
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