desperately trying to let go of the memories...

[Calm Waters]

We set off at dawn

It was so exciting to be having an adventure with you

We drove through the cities and out in to the wilds, through the mist and up  towards the highlands

We stopped for lunch at that Creepy pub near Loch Lomond

We held hands as we twisted and turned up towards Glen Coe

We listened to Shooglenifty as we passed through the waterfalls

Eventually we arrived at the hotel car park and had a stretch and got ready for a walk

We trudged across the boggy fields fighting off the midges and the drizzle

Then we saw the cottage, for me for the first time, how exciting, remote and isolated but perfect

We got the door open and I stripped off my damp soggy clothes

You looked on and said ‘what are you doing, we have things to do’

What did you imagine?

We got the shutters off and the gas on, it was just perfect!

A week on my own with you in your special place, I felt so honoured and proud and in love

As we got ourselves organised the night crept in

I read to you from your favourite book whilst we sat on the window mullion together so close and entwined

We lit the candles and watched the sun set for the first time for me over Loch Linnie

You told me the story of the couple who found and rebuilt the cottage who later drowned in the Loch leaving their little daughter an orphan. You had just become an orphan yourself on the death of your father who had helped rebuild the place and had sat so many times in exactly the same place watching the sunset, perhaps with you in his lap.

We lay in each others arms and felt the warmth of our love and the beating of our hearts

The we climbed the steep wooden steps up to the mezzanine bedroom and made love

Falling asleep in each others embrace we could hear the waves lapping against the shore and see the moon through the skylight window

I could not have imagined that this would be the first and last time that I would ever spend time there with you and that in a few weeks  hence  you would try, and nearly succeed in ending your own life.

Over a year on It barely seems possible that our relationship could have brought up such profound issues for us both when back then we were just happy to be together, learning about each others lives in the anticipation that we might be together forever.

I still feel bereft even though it’s been nearly a year since it ended, I believe that I always will.

[patientandclear]

CW ... .  .  This is so moving.

I have a very similar memory of a weekend together with my ex in a special place a week before he ended our r/s.  We read together from his favorite book ... .yes, it's all but impossible to assimilate that we went from there to the end 7 days later.  I'm so sorry.  It's just excruciating.

[santa]

I couldn't take a weekend vacation with my ex without her getting us kicked out of our hotel or having to pay a room damage bill after one of her fits. Sleeping in the locked bathroom in the hotel room and coming home with a black eye. I'd have to pay off cab drivers for them to not press charges after her going crazy if they didn't know exactly how to get to whatever random place she told them to go to. Total maniac. Had to turn down a great beach vacation offer once because I knew it would be a disaster. A week at the beach with her? No thanks.

[broken but not beaten]

Yeah... .wow the memories... .that woman infected every pore of my home,my town... .constantly taking pictures of places I frequent as if our rs was a story attaching titles to pictures such as 'this is where the story began'... .yes maybe cute but a total mind fk... .can't even socialise without constant triggers of this person who promised so much yet delivered so little and devalued so cruelly,I'd like to hope one day those memories will fade although will never be forgotten and we can accept then for what they were... .a dream we was sold that never could be delivered