are there others in uk?

[broken but not beaten]

Hi... .I don't post often as I read thousands of previous posts trying to gain an insight of what has happened... .I believe I've now experienced two BPD relationships and can't seem to make any sense. I've been nc for 3 days after much blame and words which cut to the core... .the empty feeling that's left after that person cuts you down is so difficult to deal with... .so much that I feel I've lost myself... .I work but can't function and have taken time off work to try pull myself together... .shamefully the only comfort I find in all this is drinking... .yes I feel weak and pathetic but part of me is lost... .y uBPDexgf targeted me when I was vulnerable and I accept along the way I made some mistakes... .in the uk we have a poor understanding or recognition of this terrible illness... .I don't want to see a therapist just need to talk to similar who have experienced the devastation and destruction left behind from these relationships. Apologies in advance if my post does not make sense

[fromheeltoheal]

I get it man, I've been there.  And yes, I did a bunch of drinking in the beginning; not a solution but it certainly worked in the short term.

The best thing you can do right now is learn as much as you can about the disorder and how people with it show up in relationships.  There's a lot of great information on this site; read all the articles right away.  As I learned about the disorder I began to realize that sure, I was far from perfect, but it certainly wasn't all me, not even close.  One way a borderline makes sense of their world is they need a scapegoat, someone to blame for everything when they get triggered, it's the only way to deal with the chaos in their head, it has to be someone else's fault, or their head will explode.  We all tend to do that at times of stress though, some more than others, but BPD is a serious mental illness so they take it to the extreme.

Also, learning about the disorder depersonalized it for me; she can't help the way she treats people and it could have been anyone.  It's very early for you, and staying here, reading and typing will really help keep you as grounded as you can be; I probably would have fallen for the crazy for months more than I did if I hadn't gotten a dose of sanity from the people on these boards.

While you're drinking remember that you are just checking out and numbing the pain for a while, and the next morning it will be back again, just as strong.  Start doing some things that truly take care of you, like eating right, exercising, sleeping right as much as you can, and things will get better faster.  And if you're doing that a lot, going out for a pint once in a while is not the end of the world, and it helps to talk to nice women who aren't fcking with your head all the time.

Take care of you!

[Calm Waters]

Hi I am in the uk in Gloucestershire and am about a year on from a devastating BPD / NPD relationship. I agree but it s not just in the uk its everywhere that it is little known. It seems that its only if you come in to contact or recognise it in oneself that you start the journey to hell and back. I have read a shed load of books that have helped me, as has meditation, however time is the main healer and being firm not to give in to them and re establish contact - good luck

[broken but not beaten]

Thanks for your replies... .heal to heel your right! Drinking only numbs it and the next morning its right back there again... .this sh!t really knocks you off your balance and I thought I was a strong person. Always looked upon life as a learning process and like others I've came through hard times and got through them but this is on another level... .its like being hit by a train and obliterated and not see it coming... .as if someones ripped out who you are and stomped all over your very being

[strikeforce]

I'm in the UK. My BPD ex called the disorder by the UK name of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. I'm not sure if it has since changed to the universal BPD.

But yeah the understanding of this disorder is terrible.

I hit the drink too after we split up and thankfully I am now off it. Mine targeted me when I was vulnerable and left me broken while continuing to try and recycle.

Time will heal you, just takes the time necessary  

[fromheeltoheal]

Thanks for your replies... .heal to heel your right! Drinking only numbs it and the next morning its right back there again... .this sh!t really knocks you off your balance and I thought I was a strong person. Always looked upon life as a learning process and like others I've came through hard times and got through them but this is on another level... .its like being hit by a train and obliterated and not see it coming... .as if someones ripped out who you are and stomped all over your very being

She may have stomped all over you, but she did NOT rip out who you are.  She presented you with a set of beliefs about yourself that you adopted and chose to believe might be true, and that will screw you up.  But beliefs are just like software, the ones you got from her more like a virus.  It will take a while to untangle, but start to look for the beliefs that you know to be true about yourself, down in there somewhere, regardless of what she said, and then when you realize that she has a serious mental illness and what she thinks doesn't count, you can reinstall the correct, empowering beliefs.  It's all still there, and you'll find it when you detach from the crazy.

[Calm Waters]

I have never heard of eupd but narcissistic personality disorder. borderline PD , counter and co dependancy, object constancy, toxic relationships, attachment disorder in infancy, emotional and sexual abuse in childhood, children of alcoholics BPD's and npd's. I have read about all of it extensively and I have finally made sense of my lifetime of depression being the son of a BPD NPD couple and why I was hooked by a BPD that knew exactly where my vulnerabilities were, unconsciously of course but devastating none the less. Happy reading

[fromheeltoheal]

I'm in the UK. My BPD ex called the disorder by the UK name of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. I'm not sure if it has since changed to the universal BPD.

The term 'borderline' has been around for a 100 years or something; early shrinks came up with it to describe someone who is on the 'borderline' between neurotic and psychotic.  It's now been learned that is inaccurate, BPD has a very specific set of criteria, and borderline psychotic isn't one of them.  There's been a lot of talk about changing the name of the disorder to Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder or something else to be more descriptive of what's really going on.  Before I knew all this I just called her fcking crazy.

[Eric1]

I'm from the UK. I tried telling a mate who is studying physcology that I think she has BPD & he had never heard of it.

[Jbt857]

I'm from Sussex. 

My ex was diagnosed but his T thought it was primarily npd. As I've learned I know it was predominantly BPD. I agree, it's virtually unheard of here and there is very little understanding or knowledge of it here.

[strikeforce]

I'm in the UK. My BPD ex called the disorder by the UK name of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. I'm not sure if it has since changed to the universal BPD.

The term 'borderline' has been around for a 100 years or something; early shrinks came up with it to describe someone who is on the 'borderline' between neurotic and psychotic.  It's now been learned that is inaccurate, BPD has a very specific set of criteria, and borderline psychotic isn't one of them.  There's been a lot of talk about changing the name of the disorder to Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder or something else to be more descriptive of what's really going on.  Before I knew all this I just called her fcking crazy.

Interesting. So why did my ex's doctor use the term Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder and not BPD?

[Pearl55]

Hello, I'm glad you you are all from uk. I've learnt about this disorder more 2 years and have talked to couple of best psychiatrists. I really don't care if they change the name of borderlines, they are mentally stressed ALL the time, there is not such a normality with a full blown borderline no matter how intelligent they are. After learning it for such a long time, I've reached to this point that I've wasted my time and I do understand why so many psychiatrist and psychologist even don't bother learning this disorder and many refuse even to see these patients and if they do, they have to go through counselling with other psychologists themselves because of their toxic minds. I agree with you, even many GPs don't have a clear understanding from this disorder. I married to GAMES and my OPPONENT. These relationships are zero sum games and the most important thing to remember that they are not victims, we are victims. I completely lost myself!

[broken but not beaten]

My mum is dBPD... however although I see many of the patterns described here on the boards and dysfunction she has committed to therapy and meds... she can recognise and apologise for her part in mistakes she's and is a great help in understanding previous relationships... .still though to be told "your not a man" because I stood up for myself after being placed on that pedestal make you question yourself in many ways. Many many red flags I chose to ignore... then to be told she was a mug after I spent a considerable amount of money on flowers and champagne to 'apologise' for my actions to only be told I'm not safe around her or her children is a kick in the b@lls... .tried feeling and working through the emotions but for me... .right now all that numbs it is a drink and that's not who I want to be buts its all I got right now

[fromheeltoheal]

I'm in the UK. My BPD ex called the disorder by the UK name of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. I'm not sure if it has since changed to the universal BPD.

The term 'borderline' has been around for a 100 years or something; early shrinks came up with it to describe someone who is on the 'borderline' between neurotic and psychotic.  It's now been learned that is inaccurate, BPD has a very specific set of criteria, and borderline psychotic isn't one of them.  There's been a lot of talk about changing the name of the disorder to Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder or something else to be more descriptive of what's really going on.  Before I knew all this I just called her fcking crazy.

Interesting. So why did my ex's doctor use the term Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder and not BPD?

Probably because although it's officially still BPD, and as mentioned there's talk of changing it, some shrinks think the term 'borderline' is inaccurate and has a stigma of its own, so they're using a new label already.  The label is helpful in a therapeutic environment but it doesn't really matter, as long as we recognize traits that are similar here to help us make sense of something that made no sense and was traumatic for us; it allows us to feel less alone.

[Littleopener]

UK here too. It's good to know I'm not alone. And I would love to talk to like minded people too. I'm nine months out but I never went NC as he guilt tripped me, saying everyone abandons him and I'm pretty sure I'm addicted. He broke me, I cry and I hurt and it's just hard as there's no-one to talk to who understands how hard it is. Our mutual friends all think he is a perfect lovely man. Heck, I did for a long while.  God knows I've tried to go NC, I just can't seem to do it.

[Pearl55]

Littleopener,

For me no contact is impossible as my son lives with him. I'm out since last Sun but we have spoken so many times. It's so hard and I feel for you, nobody else understands it. I feel very empty, soo empty.

[broken but not beaten]

Pm me little opener if you want to talk... .I'm 12 mnth out of first rs with uBPD and 4 wk... .3 day nc with second rs... .yes I feel like and addict going through cold turkey withdrawl... .those who haven't been there don't understand

[Changingman]

Yes England,

As usual this disgusting disorder is virtually unknown. The NHS has a sanitised watered down emotionless piece about it. Care more about the 'impact' on women than the real victims.

A female friend of mine commented how she was disturbed by the constant reference to 'she' and 'her' in a BPD article.

I see it in England everywhere now, old news articles surface in my memory of heinous acts, that now have the hallmarks of BPD.

Amy Winehouse songs drip blood with Bpd thinking, drink, drugs, fighting, body mutilation, intense doomed RSs, cheating.

I'm starting to smell out the trail of lies, distortion and destruction from small details in articles.

Thankfully I'm getting to 5 months out. When I tell people about the illness they all know someone who displays the symptoms. A lot of good men/boys have een surprised that a certain sort of to be SO who has been confusing them. These all tend to be kind gentle thoughtful people, surprise? And not just men.

Met a gay guy who went through a mental breakdown from his dBPD ex. He knew and was taking him to therapy but still got frazzled.

I had no idea that the ability to feel and give love was not universal, this is life/game changing. Why are we not told?

Like I now have superpowers and can see people so clearly.

It all seems so obvious.

I have had to rebuild myself from ground up after a 4 year relationship ( ha ha ha, no ).

Nearly lost everything from my job to my soul.

[Pearl55]

Changingman

The Borderline is like a tornado that rips through your world, leaving only destruction and chaos in its wake. You can easily lose your home and family, your job or business, your health, your reputation, your friends, etc. soo true.

[musicfan42]

Amy Winehouse songs drip blood with Bpd thinking, drink, drugs, fighting, body mutilation, intense doomed RSs, cheating.

All this kind of stuff is generally seen as bad lifestyle choices and/or bad parenting. Parents need to teach their children right from wrong... it shouldn't be society's responsibility.

[Nearlybroken]

I am from the UK (north east) and I had never heard of BPD until my ex was diagnosed.Thankfully my GP had and referred me to a therapist who has experience of dealing with BPD and domestic violence.I had to wait quite a while (even though I was classed as an emergency) but am now getting treated on NHS.I took my ex to the doctor,supported him through his therapy (that he got through his job),dealt with his GAD and clinical depression also.Now he is living his life as though there is nothing wrong... .he seems so happy and I am left,after months and months of care giving and sacrificing everything,a total depressed mess.The irony isnt lost on me.Mind you, when I told my GP he had been diagnosed and asked him what I should do to deal with the disorder ,his advice was "If you want me to be honest and fulfill my duty of care to you I would have to say run while you can".God,how I wished I had listened to him!NB.x

[Pearl55]

Nearly broken

That was very honest of your GP that you've got the right infos. I accidentally visited a psychiatrist and after 2/5 hours accessing he told me "well I'm really sorry but you've been a loser all these years and you've got ONLY one option; LEAVE and DON'T EVER LOOK BACK. I didn't trust him and made app with other psychiatrists and all of them told me the same.

[Nearlybroken]

Pearl,

My GP has came out with so much information that ,at the time, I couldnt comprehend because it seemed so,well,mad.He told me that ,as my ex was BPD:

*he will never have any empathy for you.

*he will abuse you

*he will always have to be right

*it will all be about him

*he will pray on your vulnerabilties

and most importantly... ."unless you like being in a situation where you are apologising for being human and having your apologies twisted into an admission of guilt and then used against you,unless you always want to walk on eggshells only to have that delicate walking turned into a stomping heartlessly on his feelings then you have to go.And now.Walk away.What he tells you is the pain of your neglect is actually him feeling relief that he doesnt have to deal with an intimate relationship.Dont open yourself to abuse".

WHY DID I NOT TAKE HIS ADVICE?NB.xxxx

[Pearl55]

Well, some people including myself have to go through their own hell to wake up and sometimes is too late.when I look back to 13 years ago I must admit so many red flags I've noticed and I ignored them. I read somewhere, people get involve with borderlines and stay long are very IGNORENT. When I saw his abnormal behaviours and still didn't leave. I've to this point that I'm not able to forgive myself. I'm very indifferent to him, actually he's dead for me.