Going home after a major blowout- TODAY-NEED ADVICE

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello, Need to give a brief synopsis before going home, really scared.

As an only child and daughter of a single mother, I thought manipulation was a part of the relationship as I got older got married and started working. I've become afraid of confrontation because of my mother's temper and aggressiveness. However, after a divorce from not moving to my ex's country and then on top of that, not using my law degree by not being able to apply to jobs even two hours away; I realized that my mother couldn't just be getting over a lot of stuff and my mental health was in trouble. So there was one last trigger for me two weeks ago and I blew up. Then my current boyfriend gave me the "Walking on Eggshells" book and I finally stopped feeling crazy and knew for sure it was manipulation and I wasn't a "bad" daughter for wanting to work in my field and date. I also realized that I had helped make the situation worse for the last several years by going along with the manipulation because I thought it was just a mother healing and needing time to let me go (I'm soon to be 29 by the way). I also made it worse by blowing up at her after a few drinks (I guess liquid courage). My mom for almost the past two weeks as talked to everyone in my family and has said such nasty remarks in a rage, that my family members said for me not to move back home and stay away. I love my mother soo dearly, she has a big sensitive heart and feel guilt from wanting to do those two simple things, work as an attorney in NY and move on to date.

A few days ago my mom called me and asked if I wanted to spend the weekend with her. It is basically in the boondocks (were I was for more than a year, jobless, no car after graduating law school in isolation). I'm really afraid because after I spoke up and started yelling at her for the first time ever, she called the cops, threatened to shoot me with her gun (and told my family members), choked me and bruised my body. So I'm terrified, but I want to patch things up and I miss my mother (when she's calm). We are completely different and I've always been relaxed, chill and laugh a lot (which she has called lazy). I still have a lot of anger over the manipulation, but I know I can keep my chill, since I've been doing it for such a while before.

ANY ADVICE? HELP PLEASE? GOING HOME TODAY!

[anmarelan]

Hello, Need to give a brief synopsis before going home, really scared.

As an only child and daughter of a single mother, I thought manipulation was a part of the relationship as I got older got married and started working. I've become afraid of confrontation because of my mother's temper and aggressiveness. However, after a divorce from not moving to my ex's country and then on top of that, not using my law degree by not being able to apply to jobs even two hours away; I realized that my mother couldn't just be getting over a lot of stuff and my mental health was in trouble. So there was one last trigger for me two weeks ago and I blew up. Then my current boyfriend gave me the "Walking on Eggshells" book and I finally stopped feeling crazy and knew for sure it was manipulation and I wasn't a "bad" daughter for wanting to work in my field and date. I also realized that I had helped make the situation worse for the last several years by going along with the manipulation because I thought it was just a mother healing and needing time to let me go (I'm soon to be 29 by the way). I also made it worse by blowing up at her after a few drinks (I guess liquid courage). My mom for almost the past two weeks as talked to everyone in my family and has said such nasty remarks in a rage, that my family members said for me not to move back home and stay away. I love my mother soo dearly, she has a big sensitive heart and feel guilt from wanting to do those two simple things, work as an attorney in NY and move on to date.

A few days ago my mom called me and asked if I wanted to spend the weekend with her. It is basically in the boondocks (were I was for more than a year, jobless, no car after graduating law school in isolation). I'm really afraid because after I spoke up and started yelling at her for the first time ever, she called the cops, threatened to shoot me with her gun (and told my family members), choked me and bruised my body. So I'm terrified, but I want to patch things up and I miss my mother (when she's calm). We are completely different and I've always been relaxed, chill and laugh a lot (which she has called lazy). I still have a lot of anger over the manipulation, but I know I can keep my chill, since I've been doing it for such a while before.

ANY ADVICE? HELP PLEASE? GOING HOME TODAY!

[SeekingHealing]

Wow, i just dont know if you should.  The threats to shoot you could be a bluff to manipulate you, but why test it?  I would not want to be in the boonies with someone who is that mentally unstable.  The physical abuse is not acceptable.  You may feel like you can be strong emotionally,  but that doesnt mean you should be alone with her. 

[WiseMind]

In order to protect yourself, I'm not sure you should go. Are you in therapy? Talking to someone would probably help you tremendously with the guilt. It might be a good idea to separate yourself from your mom for a while and work on yourself. Perspective is a great thing. I know this time of year is so difficult, so big hugs to you. Remember, you don't deserve this sort of treatment.

-WM

[Sitara]

If you want to go, I'd suggest finding an alternative, perhaps have a friend with a car go with you.  It doesn't seem safe to put yourself completely under her control with that past history.  You deserve love and respect.  Keep safe.

[Bracken]

Hi

I agree with others posting here. It sounds like a potentially dangerous situation.

Having a friend come along sounds like a good idea.

Please ake care --

[Botswana Agate]

Physical violence acted upon you?  No way, hon.  Stay put.   

[anmarelan]

Yes thank you everyone.  I decided I'm not going.  I'm going to try to start having normal conversations over the weekend.  Just got off the phone and everything is still calm.