How do you stop comparing your ex to new people?

[Depression = 72% of members]

My main worry is I will never find that connection again. We could talk for hours, she make me laugh, I'd make her laugh.

I obviously don't want the manipulative liar, but that connection was something ever never had before and I panic I won't find it elsewhere.

[Eric1]

My main worry is I will never find that connection again. We could talk for hours, she make me laugh, I'd make her laugh.

I obviously don't want the manipulative liar, but that connection was something ever never had before and I panic I won't find it elsewhere.

[Aussie0zborn]

Eric, Eric, Eric... .

That was YOU making yourself laugh, not her. She was mirroring you, Dude.

Someone will come along and make you laugh. And that person will be genuine and there will be no price to pay for those laughs, whether the relationship works out or not. Count your blessings my friend as I trust you can now recognise the red flags. 

[Cardinals in Flight]

I just said last night that it was ME who was so wonderful, the one I fell in love with.  Now it's time to be THAT wonderful to me.  

CiF

[Aw511]

Eric--I feel the same fear... .It had been a long time since someone got to me like he did. But before him, I had the same fear, and I found him, so we have to believe that there is someone else out there, someone healthy, that will make us feel that way again... .I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than with someone who treats me like dirt and makes me feel insecure and insane... .Plenty of love out there in the world... .At a much lesser cost. Hang on.

[heartandwhole]

Eric1,

You are not alone.  So many of us have felt that fear, too –it's so understandable.

You paid a high price for that "connection."  Is it worth it? 

[Eric1]

I thought about the mirroring, but she did things off her own back that had me in stitches.

It's not worth the agro tho, I look for honesty in a relationship, and she lied. I didn't know what to believe.

The reason I ask is because I have a date tonight.

[Learning_curve74]

Eric1, I wish you the best on your date tonight! 

I personally never compare other women to my exBPDgf, but that's just me. I agree with everybody that part of the appeal of a pwBPD is the mirroring (though most people also do this to an extent). Also as far as I can tell some people (not just pwBPD) "floodlight" you by overexposing themselves to you, making you feel like they are really letting you in. It is a way of short circuiting the usual get-to-know-you awkwardness most people have when they meet new people. You can feel like you had a very close connection after having such a soul-baring talk, but it's really a boundary busting technique to grab whatever empathy or feelings of closeness they need from you.

I do understand that I'm not immune to these types of communication. But I also am not really the kind of person who usually compares people and situations much. I do understand a lot of what drew me to my pwBPD is the intensity of the relationship at first, but I don't have any requirement for the other person to generate that "spark" for me. I guess maybe I am just happy to enjoy the company of another person who is simpatico because I generally am myself? That might not work for everybody else.

[huhhuh]

Eric1: It will come with time and when you start dating new people. Remember each person is unique. Both the healthy and unhealthy people.