Manipulation, or a cry for help?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Let me preface this by stating the following: my uBPDexgf has been unemployed for about 3 months. We have been apart for about 2.5 months.  The previous two breakups have always resulted in a replacement within about 48 hours, and typically the same person who she claims is just a “friend”. She tries to somewhat stay in contact with me, just saying she wants us to be friends. Lately, starting this past Friday, she has ramped up the text messages and voice mails saying she needs to talk. I, for the most part, have ignored these. She wants to talk about her issues. Texts have been coming frequently today……some saying she has negative money in her account, she is going to lose her house and her car, she only has ½ tank of gas in her car, she has no milk for her boys. Then follows that up with “I know you don’t care”, “I’ll be out on the street, but you don’t care”. She is adamant, she won’t stop.

Yesterday, texting me that she lost food and unemployment assistance and her parents aren’t helping anymore. And, just sent a text “Please if you like to hear what is going on then call…just quit taking things the wrong way”.

I know she is unemployed, that I know to be true. But why contact me when she has painted me black in the past, and has somewhat the past couple of days because, according to her “I don’t care”.

Manipulation? I’m thinking so.

[State85]

Let me preface this by stating the following: my uBPDexgf has been unemployed for about 3 months. We have been apart for about 2.5 months.  The previous two breakups have always resulted in a replacement within about 48 hours, and typically the same person who she claims is just a “friend”. She tries to somewhat stay in contact with me, just saying she wants us to be friends. Lately, starting this past Friday, she has ramped up the text messages and voice mails saying she needs to talk. I, for the most part, have ignored these. She wants to talk about her issues. Texts have been coming frequently today……some saying she has negative money in her account, she is going to lose her house and her car, she only has ½ tank of gas in her car, she has no milk for her boys. Then follows that up with “I know you don’t care”, “I’ll be out on the street, but you don’t care”. She is adamant, she won’t stop.

Yesterday, texting me that she lost food and unemployment assistance and her parents aren’t helping anymore. And, just sent a text “Please if you like to hear what is going on then call…just quit taking things the wrong way”.

I know she is unemployed, that I know to be true. But why contact me when she has painted me black in the past, and has somewhat the past couple of days because, according to her “I don’t care”.

Manipulation? I’m thinking so.

[Ironmanrises]

And, just sent a text “Please if you like to hear what is going on then call…just quit taking things the wrong way”.

That basically translates into "Please State85 i am trying to manipulate and pull on your heart strings because you are not responding the way you are supposed to according to the script that is in perpetual loop in my mind if you like to hear what is going on then call that way i can lure you back into trying to save/sooth me because i am unable to do that on my own and i want you to use all your energy and soul to do so because i will profit from your efforts to your detriment and i dont want you to know that because then you will see me for how i really am and leave or reject me. So please, follow the script and call me back so i can set forth all my manipulations in the guise of pity and love."

In bold is what she said to you, the rest is what she really was trying to say to you. The Janus-faced entity in all its glory. Do not reply.

[State85]

Amen Ironman!

[Ironmanrises]

My Morena(original face)/Medusa(other face) exUBPDgf used similar words as part of her overall strategy in her re engagement of me for round 2. Guess what that got me 5 months later? A discard. Please avoid this fate.

[ScotisGone74]

Lol... .Ironman I 'm framing that one!    

When Mom and Dad quit helping out there's probably a good reason.   Regardless of what they have done to others or the lies they have told They are Always the perpetual victim.   A damsel in distress cannot exist in the fairy tale without a shining knight to rescue her... .For them it is the same only in their mind.  

[fromheeltoheal]

This could be the good news.  When someone is all take and no give, eventually the victims of the parasite get fed up or used up, and she'll be forced to ask for help with genuine humility and openness, the situation too critical to rely on the time-tested games.  Who knows, here's an opportunity for her to get off it, and maybe real disclosure will lead to real help.  Sounds like she's already trashed what she had with you though, so let her find it elsewhere.

[State85]

I haven't responded, nor will I. Just wonder why she can't do the same to whomever (yes thats plural) she is running around with now. Maybe they've already caught on... .don't know.

She also sends me a voice mail this morning. She is supposedly at unemployment office, and goes off on me about why she isn't getting assistance anymore. And then tells me she is going to post office to mail me my f***ing christmas card. Then rants about it being the season of giving, and how I should be giving (to her). Unbelievable.

[Ironmanrises]

Just wonder why she can't do the same to whomever

Simply because you have let her back in before. It takes a lot of work for her to go out and work that horrifyingly godawful charm/poison on a new person. How to get that soothing met? By returning to someone in which that has worked on in perfectly chilling effect on, in this case, you. You see this same story on here countless times. She knows how to get past your defenses. It was no different with mine. 

[State85]

Ironman,

Probably true. But now, it is silent. You know why? Probably because she is with one of her "friends". She laid in on me this morning, now onto the replacement. And get this, one of them is retired (20+ yrs older than her), so he doesn't work either... .

Funny how I don't hear from her, and them "bam" all of a sudden she is blowing up my phone. But when she is getting attention from someone else, all is quiet.

It's f**d up for sure.

[fromheeltoheal]

Then rants about it being the season of giving, and how I should be giving (to her). Unbelievable.

Make sure and remind her that's giving, not taking.

[RecycledNoMore]

" oh state, I want to use you then dump you on your ___ in a pile of hurt and confusion again, is that o.k? Call me back xxx"

Please dont get involved

[nevertheless]

This must be a trait of BPD my ex emails me rants telling me all the things it have done wrong how much I have hurt him how I don't understand the real him. Then when I don't answer he will send me so sort of shocking text today was I stopped taking my medications... .great he is on two anti depressants and he just stops? Ugh he knows that will bug me so then I don't answer that he texts this evening my ex-wife won't let me see the kids this Christmas. I think it all manipulation, but it so hard I don't want to be so uncaring that it tugs so much at my heart I know he's hurting but at the same time if I engage him he would be right back at my front door and next month l will be back saying why do I keep taking him back. After 3 years I just can't go back into that crazy life again.

[mitchell16]

mine pretty much the same thing. It all manipulation to get what they want. and when it dont work it make them made. in my case it alwasy worked and I always gave in. Just last week mine invited to me to dinner to talk, Mind you we have been apart for 5 months. I have only contacted her once and that was whne she was in the hospital and that was to wish her well and a quick recovery. anyway during the dinner she said she was sorry and told me how she had been dating but cant find anybody that will replace me. LOL. and I didnt take the bait I didnt care anymore. The next day I get a raging tex message about me being on someone FB. we never mind she ahd did teh same thing and we have been been broke up for 5 months. BUt what was really makeing her mad was the fact that she could lure me back in for round 15.

[Changingman]

Prove you love me by letting me hurt you!

Why don't they use twitter to message all their victims, it would save time.

I would assume the worst. Cry for help! who is she mirroring? You?

[necchi]

But they seem so helpless when they cling on you, just like the devil has left their materialistic being and are back to themselves, back to soothe your pain and praise your efforts, than make your life a fu£king nightmare again looking at you ,face straight out,eyes peeking sidestill to you!

fortunately it does get way better,depend how much you want it, and the degree of abuse. No one else but you can do it. No matter how much magic thinking,god bs,astrology driven therapy. It is you.