confused and frustrated

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I get really frustrated when my friends and family who are still friends with my BPDexGF on facebook like her photos that she puts up and status changes. It's hurtful, they know what I went and are going through right now... .I would never do that to them. I am no longer friends with her on Facebook so I snooped and signed in to one of my good friends account and saw the new pics she posted where take in mind she looks extremely happy and I am pretty sure she is dating someone new.

With all of this going on and my friends and family liking her pictures it re-affirms my belief that everything was my fault. I know logically that cannot be correct but I feel it. It's just been one of those weeks where I am thinking back through the entire relationship and seeing where I could've not gotten as frustrated as I did and maybe it would've kept the peace. I guess the hardest part of this is I continuously feel like I am the bad guy... .

[magichat101]

I get really frustrated when my friends and family who are still friends with my BPDexGF on facebook like her photos that she puts up and status changes. It's hurtful, they know what I went and are going through right now... .I would never do that to them. I am no longer friends with her on Facebook so I snooped and signed in to one of my good friends account and saw the new pics she posted where take in mind she looks extremely happy and I am pretty sure she is dating someone new.

With all of this going on and my friends and family liking her pictures it re-affirms my belief that everything was my fault. I know logically that cannot be correct but I feel it. It's just been one of those weeks where I am thinking back through the entire relationship and seeing where I could've not gotten as frustrated as I did and maybe it would've kept the peace. I guess the hardest part of this is I continuously feel like I am the bad guy... .

[redkong]

MH101,

I can really relate to what you're experiencing.  I don't have any family liking photos or posts from my ex, but several friends.  I wonder What the heck they're thinking.  But remember,  especially with high-functioning pwBPD, they don't show their real selves in public.  Often only those closest to them see their real truths. 

Regardless, I'm sorry you're going thru this.  You aren't the bad guy.  Trust your logic, even when it's hard.  Many of us have questioned whether we're the ones with problems (myself included).  Think about all of your other friendships and relationships.  If this was an anomoly, it wasn't you.

Take care.

[fromheeltoheal]

Welcome and good for you for taking care of yourself magic.

A couple of things:

Facebook is not real life.  We all post exactly what we want other people to see, it's a very easy way to put our best foot forward, and in fact if we're having a bad day, looking at how everyone else is doing so awesome, so they say on Facebook, can be depressing.  Looking at her page or posts of her will make you feel bad every time so don't do it, simple as that.  You have the power.

If your ex does indeed suffer from borderline personality disorder or exhibit traits, you were in a relationship with someone with a serious mental illness.  Try and get your head around that, it's intense.  And as we rehash the relationship and try to make sense of it once it's over, it's easy to accept all the blame; your borderline was probably blaming you for everything during the relationship anyway, and trying to make sense of the nonsensical can cause you to blame yourself, because it's the only thing that might make sense.  :)O NOT GO THERE!  I'm pretty sure you're not perfect, me either, I made plenty of mistakes, but you know what?  Normal people accept each other's faults as they build a relationship together, based on mutual trust and respect; was that ever the case in your relationship?  It sure as hell wasn't in mine.

So feel free to beat yourself up, but set a time limit, 15 minutes maybe?  And then get busy with your detachment, which includes focusing on you only and her none.  And when most relationships end people take sides, some will be your friends, some willl be hers, and it's important to surround yourself with supportive people who will help you feel good about yourself right now.  Take care of you!

[Tincanmike]

On some of my good days as of late, where I feel that I am in control of my emotions and strong, I have "peeped" at my ex's Facebook stuff.  And it never, ever has turned out well for me.  Yes, her friends are "liking" her posts and telling her how happy she looks.  The one that really hurt me was when one of our mutual friends posted a romantic song and devoted it to my wife and her new boyfriend.  She has always been the queen of putting on the "good face" for everyone out there. Living in a small town, full of rumors and acquaintances doesn't help. And either does Facebook. I have since blocked all posts from this person.  She had to know I could see this. And she also knows that I'm having an extremely hard time with the breakup of our 8 year relationship.  The longer I can go without contact, of ANY kind, the better off my healing has been.  You come to find out who your true friends are. 

I really feel that she is trying to get validation for her decisions which to most might seem kind of odd and maybe downright wrong, by putting out a Facebook smoke screen.  I can only hope that she has some sort of guilt and that she's not really, knowingly being that cruel to me.  And then again, maybe she is and just can't help it due to her emotional state of being. Keep on truckin'! Things are slowly getting better for me and they will for you too. There is no easy switch to pull and it does take time. (And therapy, medication, exercise, getting out of the house, petting my dogs, eating regular meals... .)

[RecycledNoMore]

Facebook is the devil

Why do we all put so much stock in what others portray on it? ( me included), its a fake world, and thats why I suspect pwBPD love it, projecting their false personas to anybody thats looking.

Im sorry your feeling frustrated by your friends and familys actions, it must really hurt,just remember, you know the truth behind that false smile.

[necchi]

You are so right recycle, FB and dating sites are hives of disorder.

Last year i was on a dating site and this girl came up to me, we chated(i hate the chat) anyhow, she from the beginning told me she had BPD so i used this new acquaintance  to get info on the disorder... .it flored me how her side of the disorder was on the filty side, i didn't get on very long with the discussions .This past may i get this fb invite on fb, its her saying please accept me, can i call you?... .she did call though i didn't play in her game but kept conversation alive to investigate her evolution/delusion.It was same merry go round even though she was aware and diagnose... .I'm not speaking of my uBPDex . Four years before this on the same d/s i meet this girl i dated for two weeks.nice, cute,... .on our first date, after dinner i said to her " you're bipolar right?"... .how do you know this ?" i just do". From her behaviors prior to that moment i was constantly psychoanalyzing her .when someone talk about him/herself in the third person like she was there got to be corrosion on the contact jonctions

[santa]

I haven't used facebook in years. Once older people started using it, I had to get out.

[Aw511]

Facebook is poison!   

I just had my lovely coworker change my password for me so I can't sign on... .it has worked for me in the past. My exes page is basically public so even if I am not friends with him I can still see it. Way too tempting. I've been down that road. Even if there is nothing there to upset me, I will find something. (An ex liking a picture, a new female FB friend... .etc) F that.

[fromheeltoheal]

Facebook is poison!   

I just had my lovely coworker change my password for me so I can't sign on... .it has worked for me in the past. My exes page is basically public so even if I am not friends with him I can still see it. Way too tempting. I've been down that road. Even if there is nothing there to upset me, I will find something. (An ex liking a picture, a new female FB friend... .etc) F that.

My thoughts are different.  I was Facebook friends with my borderline ex and I unfriended her when we broke up, but I like Facebook for what it is and we didn't have any mutual friends, so screw it, I post what I want, most of it public, and I haven't blocked her or visited her page, took a little will power at first, but every time I looked after we broke up upset me, so I haven't been back in over a year.  That girl did enough damage and she doesn't get to screw up something I enjoy, not any more.