my sister was found dead in her home yesterday

[stymied]

it's been a while since i have written, and things got so bad over the past few months.  unbelievable.  most of the family had gone limited or no contact with her.

my sister was found dead in her home yesterday. 

[froggy]

I'm not on this board but I am so,so sorry for your loss

[Blondy90]

Hi Froggy,

Just want to say I am so, so sorry for your loss. My dBPD has attempted suicide many times and I know she must have taken a part of you with her.

I would say please don't feel guilty. I know it's a natural reaction but suicide rates are very high in people with BPD and it is a hard mental illness to live with. Try and remember good things about her and forget the 'what ifs' that I know I go through all the time with my sister. There's nothing you could have done to change the circumstances and you can't take responsibility for what happened.

I don't know what else to say, you must be in turmoil. Just know there are people here to talk to. Take care.

[GeekyGirl]

Oh my goodness, stymied. I'm so sorry.   

How are you doing? Please know that there are many of us here for you. 

[Skip]

I remember your story about her past suicide attempts.  How very tragic.

We are here for you. I've lived through a completed suicide - it's really hard.

Skip

[Rapt Reader]

I'm so very sorry, stymied 

That has got to be one of the hardest things to deal with, and I know it must be so painful. My own BPDs36 has been hospitalized for Suicidal Ideations in the past, and I know the feelings of helplessness my husband and I went through during those dark times. Only by the grace of God did he not complete the desire, and I know you've dealt with that, too, in the past.

Please know we are here for you, and you are certainly in my prayers 

[crazedncrazymom]

stymied,

I am so very sorry for your loss.  I can't even imagine the pain your family is experiencing.  I truly hope you all can bond together and get through this terrible grieving process.  So very sad.  This can be such a horrible, life stealing illness.

-crazed

[BlushAndBashful]

Stymied, sincere condolences for your loss. Wishing you comfort and peace. 

[DreamGirl]

I am so sorry for your loss, stymied.

I've lost someone to suicide and it really is a whole different kind of grief to process thru. I pray that you can find as much comfort and peace right now. 

Please know that we are all here for you. 

~DreamGirl

[DaughterofDD]

Hi Stymied and 

My sincere condolences go out to you and your entire family.  It will probably be a tough grieving process, but remember that you are not alone. 

Your sister is finally at peace.  Please take solace in that.

I've read some of your past posts and know that you felt immense guilt over some necessary actions you took.  This was not your fault. 

[MammaMia]

Stymied

Our thoughts and prayers are with you.  Many of us are aware it could us posting the death of a loved one, and our hearts break for you.

Please know that in all likelihood there is nothing you could have done to stop your sister. Once pwBPD decide they cannot deal with the pain of life, they will find an opportunity no matter how hard friends and family try to save them.  You have not failed your sister. No one is to blame except her BPD.

Bpd is devastating and cruel.  Like cancer, our arsenal of weapons is not yet up to winning every battle, no matter how hard we fight.  I am so sad for your family.

Please let us know what we can do to help you get through this very difficult time.  We are here to support you in any way we can.  

You have our deepest sympathy.  

[Contradancer]

You have my sincere condolences.  Her internal pain must have been too much.

Best wishes.

[Tightrope walker]

stymied

   I know that there are no magic words to lessen the loss that you are feeling.  I am deeply sorry for you and am aware that it will make the holidays a tough time.  Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

                                                            Tightrope Walker

[SweetCharlotte]

She is at peace.

My uBPDh's brother took his life 14 months ago. We were frightened of him and had gone no contact. He was probably Antisocial PD; not sure he ever got a diagnosis. He collected weapons, threatened people, was estranged from his wife and children, was unemployable and in legal, financial, and medical trouble. Sometimes these people paint themselves into a corner.

It was nonetheless a shock to my H, as I'm sure it is to you. He developed some medical problems of his own that kept us concerned for several months. Losing a first-degree family member is always stressful, and suicide makes it doubly so. Please look after your health in every way.

After the initial grief, you may feel relief, like we did. That man had reached the end of the line and exhausted all of his chances with others. Left alone with himself, he self-destructed. It was the final stage.

[Surnia]

Hi stymied

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister.

Its a very hard time for yourself. I hope you have friends on your side.

You are in my heart and thoughts. 

[stymied]

Hello and thank you all so much for your kindness & support.  You all touched on so many feelings I am experiencing--I am grateful to not feel so alone in this.

I know I did everything in my power to help, but when my sister's behavior became more and more frightening, I had no choice but to go LC.  My little girl begged me not to answer the phone when she saw her aunt's number on the caller ID and I was getting sicker from the stress.

Now we are focusing even more on her daughters who sadly lost their father in early 2012.  That was the trigger for the ratcheting up of my sister's already engrained Bpd behaviors, and she descended into the depths of her own private hell, never to return.

Her need for contact grew like a mushroom and was insatiable, but her words were so vicious and terrifying, no one could be with her.  Her kids were being drained of their life forces and scarred so deeply on an emotional level.  I hope they are able to find their way to healing after this tragedy.  They are orphans now, but we are here for them.

I thank you all so much and am very grateful.  We haven't told our own child so she can have a 'normal' holiday season.  We will tell her about her aunty after next week.

Blessings to you all. 

[Suzn]

Stymied I'm very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. 

[Clearmind]

stymied, thinking of you! How are you going?

[LaSuede]

I saw your post-subject and just wanted you to know that you are thought of... .

I am not in this group, but here to say I am so sorry what you had to experience.

This disease hits hard.

I can imagine (or probably I can not... .) what you are experience right now.  :'(

[GeekyGirl]

stymied, I'm sending you prayers.   Let us know how you're doing, and you, your daughter and your nieces are in my thoughts.

[AlwaysTheQuietOne]

I'm sorry for your loss.   :'(

[stymied]

Hello,

Thank you, again, for the continued thoughts and support.

It has been a difficult few days, with my main focus being getting things squared at the mortuary.  My nieces are sort of in hiding, which I understand.  I have come down with a terrible cold and have been hibernating myself.  Guilt bubbles up to the surface, but my sense of relief seems to eclipse it.  I feel horrible saying that, but it's true.

Part of me is still in shock I guess.

If I didn't have little ones, I wouldn't even bother with Christmas this year.

Bless you all.  And thank you.  Xoxox

[MammaMia]

stymied

This is such a hard time of year to deal with a major loss.  Of course, you are still in shock.  Don't do any more for Christmas than you can deal with.  You have so much on your mind, and people will understand.  Not feeling well does not help.

We are all thinking of you and praying for you and your nieces.  May God bless you all with peace and the ability to find comfort in each other.

Feel better soon, and please take care.

[Changingman]

Love and thoughts to you and the children

Good luck to you all

[babyducks]

Stymied -

my sincere condolences.

words fall short of being able to convey the comfort and courage I hope to send your way.

'ducks

[Gidget]

Dear Stymied,

I am so sorry for your loss. I will pray for you and your family to find peace and comfort thru such a tragic loss. Know that her Spirit is close by you.

Will pray that her children heal from this tragedy although how do you ever.

Stay strong

[pessim-optimist]

Dear stymied,

You are being strong for the little ones... .

Such a terrible loss - I am so sorry you have to be going through this when the kiddos are expecting happiness and joy. It would be terrible at any time of the year. 

How's your health, are you feeling better?

[stymied]

Merry Christmas to those of you who celebrate.  It has been a bizarre day for my family.  None of us even feel like it's a holiday, but kept things going for the kids.  My mother didn't celebrate at all today.

I want to take advantage of everyone's offer of support here, but I don't know what to even ask.  I  finally on the other side of the flu and have just been moving forward, not feeling, not thinking.  I can't bring myself to look at the last emails she sent me.  She was begging me to call.  I couldn't do it, and I know that if I had resumed contact she would have only started the same sick pattern again.  I enabled her to just engage in these circular, raging tirades about everyone.  But there is a part of me that wonders... .

There probably always will be.

Peace be with you all.

[GeekyGirl]

I want to take advantage of everyone's offer of support here, but I don't know what to even ask.  I  finally on the other side of the flu and have just been moving forward, not feeling, not thinking.  I can't bring myself to look at the last emails she sent me.  She was begging me to call.  I couldn't do it, and I know that if I had resumed contact she would have only started the same sick pattern again.  I enabled her to just engage in these circular, raging tirades about everyone.  But there is a part of me that wonders... .

 Oh stymied, words can't express how sorry I am that you're going through this. Remember that ultimately it was her choice to end her life, and that's not something you were responsible for. It sounds like you know deep down that she was very unhappy.

You don't need to ask--there are many of us here if you need someone to listen.

[Calm Waters]

Stymied, I can imagine the pain and confusion you and your family must be in, having been through something similar, my thoughts are with you