my ex blames me for her diagnosis

[redkong]

Yesterday I posted that my ex was officially diagnosed with bipolar.  Today she left several voicemails telling me she was also dx'd with BPD and how it's all my fault.  She never had problems before we were together, she said.  What the heck?   That's impossible.  We were only together a few months, less than a year.  Her BPD history stretches back to adolescence at least (20 years ago, minimum).

I know this isn't possible, but it was really upsetting.  I'm really shaken up and pissed off.

I'm blocking her number.  I refuse to serve as her vomit bag anymore.

[necchi]

I know how cunning those accusation can be... .and get stunt because there is really nothing we can say or do to justify this . Then it lingers in our mind... .

it does take les and less space after a while.

[Turkish]

Yesterday I posted that my ex was officially diagnosed with bipolar.  Today she left several voicemails telling me she was also dx'd with BPD and how it's all my fault.  She never had problems before we were together, she said.  What the heck?   That's impossible.  We were only together a few months, less than a year.  Her BPD history stretches back to adolescence at least (20 years ago, minimum).

I know this isn't possible, but it was really upsetting.  I'm really shaken up and pissed off.

I'm blocking her number.  I refuse to serve as her vomit bag anymore.

You mean you don't want to try the communication tools, like S.E.T?

"I can see how that can be upsetting. How do you feel about that? Do you know much about BPD? Here, let me send you some links... ."

(Good on the blocking, redkong... .sux to be blamed YET AGAIN for something that isn't your fault)

[Perfidy]

Well? How else could it be? Probably one of the most common things... .Sharing blame, assigning blame. She probably doesn't even believe that herself. Just saying it to keep the FOG rolling in. One of the things that I have noticed about this experience is how my thinking is changing. It was not brought to my attention before this... .How others attempt to control us with fear,obligation,and guilt. Clearly she's laying a little guilt on ya... .Pack your bags. Going on a guilt trip.

[redkong]

Sigh... .before I was able to block her number, she called and left 3 more messages about how sorry she was, that she didn't mean it, please give her one more chance, etc. 

So tired of the roller coaster merry-go-round.

I feel sad for her, I really do.  I also feel sad for me.

[necchi]

Do feel sad for yourself, no pity on her. Hard to do without acceptance

[GreenMango]

Hi Redkong,

It feels like crap to get blamed.  I promise you there is no way this disorder is your fault.  It's not hers either.  

It may have taken the intensity of her emotional experience to get diagnosed finally, but if its BPD and bipolar these are longstanding patterns.  And they probably cycled around.  She's just now getting to the point of needing  help.  ya know what they say people will keep doing things as long as it works for them - they reach out when the old no longer works.

As painful as it is for her this may be a turning point for her and opportunity to get a handle on things.  It may not happen though.

Take good care if you - both of those diagnoses are serious.

[seeking balance]

Ditto GreenMango

You are not able to be her emotional punching bag or her support right now and the kindest thing you can do for each of you is to not react and block her number.

Getting a mental illness diagnosis that is this severe could be very scary and she reached out in Fear - hopefully she will now get the support she needs.  It is ok to feel sorry for her, nothing is easy about what she is going through - but you don't have to save her.

Take care of you Redkong.

Peace,

SB