first hearing --nerves and outfit

[atcrossroads]

Tomorrow is my first hearing -- my attorney told me wed not to wear pants, to wear gray or navy as a base (not to wear an all black dress -- too severe looking), and to wear a little color, preferably solid and pastel.  I don't have any blouses and no sweaters that would be appropriate - I do have gray and navy skirts.  I had to work a 12 hour day today and my mom kindly volunteered to pick me up a few blouses - several have prints -- darker colors, not pastel -- and a couple are very bright (one is hot pink, one aqua).  I have ruled the bright ones out.  The smaller print one is ok, but it's navy and red.  I would likely wear a white cardigan over it.  I could swear though that I read somewhere that you should never wear red to court.

Suddenly, I feel nervous about the color of my blouse -- how much does that matter?

Maybe I'm just plain nervous.

[catnap]

Sounds like a nice outfit and appropriate for court.  I think you are just plain nervous. 

Best of luck tomorrow. 

[KateCat]

The navy skirt with the smaller-print navy and red blouse, with white cardigan? That would do just fine in the courtrooms I've been in. . . . . Best of luck!

[atcrossroads]

The navy skirt with the smaller-print navy and red blouse, with white cardigan? That would do just fine in the courtrooms I've been in. . . . . Best of luck!

KateCat and Catnap -- thank you!  The small print top turns out to be black and red -- small diamonds.  I'm going to wear it with a dark gray business skirt to knee and black cardigan with a ruffle with conservative jewelry and low black pumps.  

My white cardigan looked funny because it's one of those cropped ones.

It's not the outfit I would have picked out, but it seems to fit the bill.  It's not pastel as my attorney said, but I think it will do.  It's going to have to!  Thank you both -- nervous!

[Matt]

I think your attorney was giving you some good guidance - I'm sure she's probably had some clients who used poor judgment and came to court dressed inappropriately - but I would not worry about it too much.  Generally, in the US, colors considered ideal for business, legal stuff, etc. are navy, gray, and tan - mild colors that suggest strength, integrity, and moderation.  So your attorney's advice sounds good.

But how you act in court is surely more important than what you wear - listening carefully to everyone, not interrupting, speaking clearly and moderately when it's your turn, etc.  Be yourself and speak your truth!

[momtara]

The judge may be paying more attention to the attorneys than to you (depending on what kind of hearing it is).  Hang in there.  I was taking care of both my kids all year and trying to do legal stuff, while my husband could just handle legal stuff and not worry about the kids, so I know what it's like to work those long days and not have time for something else important.  But I made sure I was prepared, and felt confident (still scared, but confident) and it all worked out.  Good luck and report back!

[atcrossroads]

Thank you all!  I will update later.

[ForeverDad]

My family court has a long list of clothing not allowed in court, but apparently blue jeans are ok and so I've seen many parents wear them.  I've always worn a suit, after 8 years in and out of court it's now about 10 years old.   Maybe I will know I've 'recovered' when I finally buy myself a new suit?

I think the idea is to dress businesslike, not flashy or provocatively like you're advertising.  Yes, some disordered people have done that!

I had a friend who was Italian and he said wearing a red tie would show you meant business.  No, he was not in the Mafia.

Don't dress too well or else you might give the impression you're doing too well financially to need appropriate support or that the ex's poor behaviors didn't impact your life.  Businesslike or 'nice' will be fine.

[livednlearned]

But how you act in court is surely more important than what you wear - listening carefully to everyone, not interrupting, speaking clearly and moderately when it's your turn, etc.  Be yourself and speak your truth!

And take a notepad and pen! Take notes -- things are gonna happen fast, they're going to talk about things that are procedural and legal, and you'll have lots of questions. And it helps to have a notepad so you can scribble notes to your lawyer.

[Matt]

But how you act in court is surely more important than what you wear - listening carefully to everyone, not interrupting, speaking clearly and moderately when it's your turn, etc.  Be yourself and speak your truth!

And take a notepad and pen! Take notes -- things are gonna happen fast, they're going to talk about things that are procedural and legal, and you'll have lots of questions. And it helps to have a notepad so you can scribble notes to your lawyer.

I did that, and it helped a lot.  It helped me be calm, and when the other party said something that wasn't true, I wrote it down as close to word-for-word as I could, and then went over those false statements with my lawyer so she would realize what was happening and could deal with it.