Unheard from for Ever More?

[ScotisGone74]

I know, I know, they usually recycle and that the best thing for me to do is not care at all,   But I'm just interested to see  if there is anyone Nons here that after a lenghty relationship with a BPD they just Never heard another peep out of them for ever.    In a way it really makes it easier not having to fight off recycles or having the past brought up, but at the same time it is rather astonishing that you could honestly have shared so much with another person and then they just seem to have dropped off the face of the Earth.     

[Ironmanrises]

Well after having gone 3 months NC after first round, to now 5+ months and counting NC after second round(not as lengthy i know but still long for me), minus the blocked call/unknown numbers/bizarre texts, i have not heard anything from my exUBPDgf either. Nothing. Just silence. I am even starting to forget the sound of her voice.

[Perfidy]

After the bizarre mindfu€k who would want to. Sure there were times when it seemed like a true partnership, although lopsided... .The end told me everything I needed to know. I am friendly with some exes. Not this one.

[ScotisGone74]

I'm now over 12 months of absolutely NC.   I blocked her phone and email but she knows where I live and has other email accounts.   Not one peep during that time.   I was basically with/around her most of the week for nearly two and half years before the trainwreck at the end.    I guess that just shows the true nature of the disorder

Whether you hear from them or whether you don't it still leaves a bad taste in your mouth.  

[Ironmanrises]

12 months is a really long time. I totally understand the bad taste, Medusa left a godawful taste in my mouth too. I dont want to make the assumption that she is gone for good well because i thought she was gone for good when she left me the first time; and then she reappeared. Although undiagnosed, what makes me think she is gone for good considering she already has returned once? If her behavior stemming from her disorder didnt change before, why would it now?

[ScotisGone74]

I agree with Iron.       I remember my R/S with her-how she went from telling me her ex was a thief, a cheater and I was just dumb enough to believe that could be possible, but I thought she was maybe just being dramatic about it... .to at the very end of our R/S she was telling me how her ex called to check on her and how he was going to pet sit her dog while she was out of town and that she would always love him.          Considering on how her and her ex's relationship ended there is no doubt in my mind that he NEVER once called her.      After all my time with her there is no doubt that if he were to have puledl up during the end she would gladly haved jumped into a vehicle with him and happily speed away.   

Emotional triangulation is mind bending

[Perfidy]

I kind of look at it like this... .If we weren't really friends when we were together why in the hell would we want to be friends now! Ok... .She's got another man. I would much rather be friends with MY girlfriend not somebody else's. plus... She was nothing but cruel at the bitter end. She doesn't qualify in a lot of ways. The positive: we weren't married. There were no kids. My pecker didn't fall off. Maybe there is a god!

[ScotisGone74]

definately, it could Always be worse.    especially when I think back to all the nutty $#%@ she did.   

Another reason she is probably got her hands full right now with that child she just had with the new white knight.   If I had to guess honestly I'd say the fairy tale dream will hit a big snag in about another six months. 

But again why should I care.   I have a half marathon to plan workouts for

[Perfidy]

That's the sh|t... Running. I used to run a lot. Did a little today. I was having fun. Running and sliding on the ice. Just like a kid. I started off just running and then I remembered how fun that was. My inner child came out to play. I was laughing at myself. A few months ago laughter was not part of my world. The longer I go without the crap the better I feel. I want to be my old happy self again.

[Oliolioxenfree]

In almost ten months no contact after my two year relationship.  I haven't heard a peep since I was left for my replacement.  I'm relieved.  In the past I would've jumped at the opportunity or would have been happy with a recycle attempt because I would've felt validated.  these days I don't need that validation.  While I don't want to hear from him because I know Id tell him exactly where to shove it,  I don't want to give him any satisfaction whatsoever of me so

Much as engaging ,  he no longer gets the priveledge of having insight into any part of my life.  Not even a response.  No contact helps this and quite frankly it's for the best. 

I think everyone's BPDex is different as the symptoms manifest in different ways.  In. Some respect I think that mine always knew I'd reject any contact with him after what he did so he's probably buried in his own shame and fearful of rejection or so fully immersed In my replacement to want to contact me.  Additionally  I doubt he'll ever contact me because he already knows he's the laughingstock of all of my friends.  Either way,  I don't give a fffkkkk f I ever hear from him again.

[magichat101]

From my experience you might not hear from them for years but they will contact eventually. From my experience my ex Borderline gf contacted all of her ex's throughout our relationship, some that she hadn't been with for 10 years! She's crazy, why does she think that they want to talk to her after all she put them through. I had a huge issue with her talking to her ex's in the fashion that she did... .I am not joking you while we were together she wrote and email to an ex saying " I want you to know that my heart will always be with you, I love you so much and miss you" and she fricking copied and pasted it to the other ex as well! HOW FRICKING DELUSIONAL! At this point we had been living together... .We have recycled twice but Im done now, no contact for 5 months - my choice, i'm just waiting for all those emails to start coming as well... .Borderlines are almost so predictable that their unpredictable... .

[Signs]

Dear Unheard... .

no contact comes and goes like unpredictable storms or short term fair weather.

I have no answer but I have this to say:

She comes into my every 12 years... .i am thrilled and overflowing with happiness, She then leaves me cold.

This latest occasion she was trapped and had nowhere to run and this is when I finally realized her condition was BPD NPD HPD etc... .  She got a divorce, she went to mental hospital, she got herself arrested for battery, all over me? really over me? I said to her a few times, You are not raging over me... it is something in your past. 

But why oh why do I love her in the first place.

[Pretty Woman]

Yeah my ex is friendly with ALL her exes except the ones she really pissed off... .and the cop that dumped her.

Probably not a good idea to stalk that one.

Mine recycled me 6x in a little over a year. While she has now blocked me in everyway imaginable she knows I have her work email.

I ain't biting.

Personally, I think it will eat at her I don't try. Maybe it will confirm her fear of abandonment since that's what I did... .

even though SHE left me. That's how these psychos take it.

She is dating someone in our social circle who knows she recycles exes (I told her before I ever thought she would actually date her... .talk about someone not taking a warning)! I am sure after she realizes this chick isn't even a lesbian and has just as many issues as her she will chase after me.

I have women lined up chomping at the bit. I am not being conceited but I am very fem in a pretty butch environment. These women have been waiting for her to finally take off so they have their chance. Her biggest fear even when dumping me was that I would go back to a guy, I don't think she realized how popular and liked I am in this group.

Eat your heart out crazy pants.

No way in hell she will ever get this chica again.

[SicMDawgs]

My ex and I departed in 1990.  Dated from 1987-1990. I never  heard a peep from him in 23 years.  When he friend me on FB he had just gotten married in March 2012(June he friended me ). He was friendly for a few months then unleashed on me , a verbal assault. I destroyed him , ruin his life, caused him to drink and do drugs. Told me he was so unhappy in this new marriage , did not want to marry her. Of course I bought into it , tried to talk him into getting out of it, divorcing her. That was a year ago , he is still with her, says he is unhappy, but who really knows what the truth is!

He comes and go by text message , all sexually reliving our past. One day I hope I will quit answering.  He goes crazy when  I don't respond. I need strength.

[Pretty Woman]

Sic,

  Wow. Well I am hoping mine recycles with her ex in Minnesota. Would be great if she left the state!

[SicMDawgs]

Earth Angel,

Sad thing for me is I have been married to my non BPD husband for almost 22 years. I have hidden this from my husband.My ex had plenty of time to come and talk to me before I married on 2002. Our break up was not bad , I know he was very hurt. Instead of hating me for years like he said he did he could of come and talked to me about it.

Just think if I would of married my ex. He would be putting me through the same senerio his wife is dealing with today. Lies, deceit,  unfaithfulness , as she stated when she caught him texting me back in May.

[charred]

My exBPDgf... .dumped me about 27 yrs ago... didn't hear anything till 5 yrs ago... and ended up getting recycled about 7 times... was worse second go rounds... she hadn't gotten better, was more disordered. So "for ever more"... don't count on it with less than 25 yrs?

[Pretty Woman]

Dayum!

Charred, point taken.

Sic,

  Aren't  you grateful. Thank God he moved on to someone else. I could not handle years of this recycling. I mean, this was 15mo and it aged me. I couldn't imagine constantly being cheated on.

Mine wanted to move in and get married. I would have NEVER married her without a pre-nup. She is sue happy and even sued her own father. I would not trust she didn't bounce along and take 1/2 my money, my house etc. or I would come home to all my possessions missing.

No thanks!

[SicMDawgs]

I am greatful... .really I am. But my problem is his life is such a huge mess, that it is painful to know about how he turn out as an adult. I wish I never accepted him as a friend on Facebook or looked deep into his life. I wish I never had run across him today. Somethings are better just not knowing.

[Pretty Woman]

Sic,

  It's great to hear your perspective. Thank you for sharing your story.

I know it has to be rough and opens some wounds.

Again, not your responsibility.

We are too caring.

I am glad you got out and are a success story. Best to you and your hubby this holiday season   

Earth 

[bb12]

2 years NC this week. Not a peep. Silent treatment with no explanation.

One replacement after the other. No recycles between them.

Grateful for what I have learned about myself, but no denying that level of invalidation, dismissiveness, and betrayal is the most painful thing I have ever survived.

I have found my own closure. Don't crave contact or explanation anymore



bb12

[Iamdizzy]

I haven't heard a peep from her in over 8 months. In my defense, I called her out on MANY things during our last break up. Despite the fact that I had absolutely no knowledge of BPD or any PD besides the more obvious ones.

Her last words to me were "You knew me, You knew my past, it's your fault you're hurt, not mine!.

I gave her a piece of my mind, very blunt and to the point. It scared her because that's when the rage started. She didn't like how the truth sounded. I assume that's why some BPDs don't contact their exes. They have unboxed Pandoras Box of infinite darkness and ___., they know the ugly face behind the mask.

[Aw511]

I'm 1000% positive I will hear from mine again someday since he was "friends" with "all" of his exes, (Except the smart ones that ran for the hills) but I am going to do all that is in my power not to let that happen. He does not need me in his life and I sure as hell don't need him.

[MrFox]

I wonder about whether or not I will hear from the ex ever again.  She tried what I believe to be a few recycle attempts after the break-up, mixed in with some very awful texts and emails and a wonderful smear campaign...   I ignored all of them but finally sent her an email in which I called her on all of her crap.  The lying, the cheating, the manipulations.  She was engaged two days later.  Whether or not the letter prompted that, I have no clue.  Her last message to me was on my birthday, telling me how awful I was.  NC since then, not sure if there will ever be.  Most of me hope I never will.  Small part wants to hear from her just to tell her to F off.  A sliver wants to hear from her to know she still thinks of me.  I'm trying to rip that sliver out.

[arn131arn]

I hope so, but impossible with my son.

They got a gutter punk kid I work with that is into black magic.  He needs like a shoe, underwear, or dirty tampon that used to belong to her, and he says he can unleash a whirwind of terror on her.

Seriously, I was actually contemplating that s*!t today at work... .I was going to let some voodoo kid unleash black magic on her, and it sounded like a wonderful idea... .I said no thanks to the demons, but maybe speed up her karma!

[love4meNOTu]

Yes, I do hope to never see or hear of him again. I don't want to know what kind of destruction he will wreak in another woman's life (let's get serious here... it will be WOMEN PLURAL, because no one can put up with his crazy for long).

I do imagine visiting his grave in another 40 years and doing a little dance on it. But that's just silly.

Look- the guy used me, stole from me, tried to ruin my relationships. ALL of them, even the ones with my children. He had absolutely no qualms in trying to hurt me and be vindictive in every way. I do not care that he is mentally disordered anymore, he hurt all of us and enjoyed it. He even smiled once when he saw how terrified I was of him.

I do not ever, ever, ever want to see that man again. And someday? I will not care that he existed at all.

Good riddance bad rubbish. I got away from you, and the misery that would have been life with you. I win.

L

[Pretty Woman]

Mr. Fox,

   I think sometimes we want to hear from them to prove they have BPD but all it does is pull scabs off our healing  wounds.

We need to get past trying to make sense of the senseless.  It will never happen. 

The only closure I needed was finding out less than three days after my ex told me we should see other people but she loved me "very very much"... .

She tells everyone I'm a stalker, changes all her contact info and is bedding a mutual friend.


Not the closure anyone wants but it was enough for me!

[MrFox]

Mr. Fox,

   I think sometimes we want to hear from them to prove they have BPD but all it does is pull scabs off our healing  wounds.

We need to get past trying to make sense of the senseless.  It will never happen. 

The only closure I needed was finding out less than three days after my ex told me we should see other people but she loved me "very very much"... .

She tells everyone I'm a stalker, changes all her contact info and is bedding a mutual friend.


Not the closure anyone wants but it was enough for me!

Well in that area I guess I'm "lucky", as far as anyone can ever get lucky in these situations.  I know for a fact that my ex had BPD.  She neglected to mention this why we were together while I was trying to find out what the hell was going on with her I came across a blog she kept while she was still with her ex-husband.  In it she discusses being diagnosed with BPD at the age of twenty and was actually in therapy.  It didn't work.  Also, if anyone is wondering if it gets better with age, my vote would be no.  I'm guessing her ex-husband and daughter would agree.  Guessing her new husband will eventually agree as well.

[Amber3]

It's been over a year and not a word. I know part of that time he was with someone else, so likely was busy finding "something better"….but that too has ended I believe.

I, too, have wondered how you can feel so close to someone and then are just dropped out of their life like you never existed. I think he feels too much shame with how he treated me and doesn't want to open that all up. What gets me is, why not deal with those feelings and try to heal….like we all are trying to do? But then again, with BPD, their feelings are our fault, so in their minds, what is there to heal?

As bb12 said, even knowing they have a disorder, the level of dismissiveness is one of the most painful things I have experienced.

[Ironmanrises]

As bb12 said, even knowing they have a disorder, the level of dismissiveness is one of the most painful things I have experienced.

I just broke down in tears reading that. That dismissiveness is hurtful beyond words.