BPD from Hell-This is for all the Newbies and Friends-I know how you feel

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Timeline of My Ex's Relationships: (My ex is 52 BTW. I am 32).


-Got pregnant with older man's baby at 22

-Dates first actual girlfriend #1

-Hangs out with bad crowd ends up with girlfriend #2 leaving girlfriend #1

-Meets girlfriend #3 in a crafting group

-Leaves girlfriend #3 for girlfriend #1

-Leaves girlfriend #1 for girlfriend #4 for who she meets online.

-My ex leaves girlfriend #4 for girlfriend #1.

-Girlfriend #1 and ex move to California.

-Girlfriend #1 and ex break up and girlfriend #1 moves to Michigan, My ex moves in with Girlfriend #4.

-Girlfriend #4 dumps ex because she cheated on her.

-Ex buys a condo and moves in with Girlfriend #5.

-Ex moves back with Girlfriend #4.

-Ex sleeps with Girlfriend #1.

-Girlfriend #4 breaks up with Ex and enters into a 10yr partnership.

-Ex goes on online and meets Cari. They last a week. Ex moves to Texas.

-Ex starts dating Girlfriend #6-After a year, Girlfriend #6 dumps ex.

-Ex starts dating Girlfriend #7 -Ex dates Girlfriend #7 for a year... .fraught with conflict (shocking).

-Ex dumps Girlfriend #7 and meets Girlfriend #8.

-Ex moves back to Tennesee and meets me.

-Ex tells me her ex #8 was a "stalker"

-Ex is talking to #8 one month into our relationship.

-#8 finds girlfriend and moves to New York. Ex starts talking to #4 whose relationship is done.

-Ex rages at me over something really stupid. Scares me. I tell her I don't think we should be together. Ex cries and begs me to stay with her so I recant.

-Ex leaves me for a week because I am unsure of being in this relationship. Blocks my phone number so I can't call her. We cannot communicate at all. She won't even listen to me, Week of Halloween. Comes back to me a week later.

-A day before my friend's party ex picks fight with me. Keeps me on phone for two hours day of party crying and angry at me. I arrive to my friend's house late. This is December. Ex returns two days before Christmas.

-Ex and I go away for NY. On NYD ex dumps me. Ex returns in April.

-Ex's ex #4 comes to town to visit in early July. I meet her. 

-I want to reschedule dinner plans for another day with my ex because something bad happened at work. Ex tells me "this is ridiculous. we are over".   

-Ex ends up making plans to see her Ex#4. Goes from wanting to be friends with me to threatening a restraining order. Tells me she wants no relationship with me, friend or romantic and to not contact her or she will call the police.

-Ex says #4 is her new girlfriend. Returns two months later calling me 50+ times on the way back. I stupidly take her back.

-Due to lack of trust I start seeing ex less and planning more activities with friends. Ex mentions a mutual friend of ours she thinks likes her and would be interested if we were not together. Red flags!. I think my ex needs more friends so I am happy they are hanging out (dumb me).

-Ex#4  starts a new relationship with a woman. Talks to my ex less now that she has been burned... .years later.

-Ex dumps me for new girlfriend # 9 and ceases all communication with me.


Moral of story: Do not get involved with someone who has more problems than you do.

[Pretty Woman]

Timeline of My Ex's Relationships: (My ex is 52 BTW. I am 32).


-Got pregnant with older man's baby at 22

-Dates first actual girlfriend #1

-Hangs out with bad crowd ends up with girlfriend #2 leaving girlfriend #1

-Meets girlfriend #3 in a crafting group

-Leaves girlfriend #3 for girlfriend #1

-Leaves girlfriend #1 for girlfriend #4 for who she meets online.

-My ex leaves girlfriend #4 for girlfriend #1.

-Girlfriend #1 and ex move to California.

-Girlfriend #1 and ex break up and girlfriend #1 moves to Michigan, My ex moves in with Girlfriend #4.

-Girlfriend #4 dumps ex because she cheated on her.

-Ex buys a condo and moves in with Girlfriend #5.

-Ex moves back with Girlfriend #4.

-Ex sleeps with Girlfriend #1.

-Girlfriend #4 breaks up with Ex and enters into a 10yr partnership.

-Ex goes on online and meets Cari. They last a week. Ex moves to Texas.

-Ex starts dating Girlfriend #6-After a year, Girlfriend #6 dumps ex.

-Ex starts dating Girlfriend #7 -Ex dates Girlfriend #7 for a year... .fraught with conflict (shocking).

-Ex dumps Girlfriend #7 and meets Girlfriend #8.

-Ex moves back to Tennesee and meets me.

-Ex tells me her ex #8 was a "stalker"

-Ex is talking to #8 one month into our relationship.

-#8 finds girlfriend and moves to New York. Ex starts talking to #4 whose relationship is done.

-Ex rages at me over something really stupid. Scares me. I tell her I don't think we should be together. Ex cries and begs me to stay with her so I recant.

-Ex leaves me for a week because I am unsure of being in this relationship. Blocks my phone number so I can't call her. We cannot communicate at all. She won't even listen to me, Week of Halloween. Comes back to me a week later.

-A day before my friend's party ex picks fight with me. Keeps me on phone for two hours day of party crying and angry at me. I arrive to my friend's house late. This is December. Ex returns two days before Christmas.

-Ex and I go away for NY. On NYD ex dumps me. Ex returns in April.

-Ex's ex #4 comes to town to visit in early July. I meet her. 

-I want to reschedule dinner plans for another day with my ex because something bad happened at work. Ex tells me "this is ridiculous. we are over".   

-Ex ends up making plans to see her Ex#4. Goes from wanting to be friends with me to threatening a restraining order. Tells me she wants no relationship with me, friend or romantic and to not contact her or she will call the police.

-Ex says #4 is her new girlfriend. Returns two months later calling me 50+ times on the way back. I stupidly take her back.

-Due to lack of trust I start seeing ex less and planning more activities with friends. Ex mentions a mutual friend of ours she thinks likes her and would be interested if we were not together. Red flags!. I think my ex needs more friends so I am happy they are hanging out (dumb me).

-Ex#4  starts a new relationship with a woman. Talks to my ex less now that she has been burned... .years later.

-Ex dumps me for new girlfriend # 9 and ceases all communication with me.


Moral of story: Do not get involved with someone who has more problems than you do.

[Pretty Woman]

I do need to add about a month before my ex ended our relationship, this past Oct she told me her ex #8 was actually in the process of moving here when she met me and them getting back together!

So I truly believe they were still together when I met her and I was the other woman.

Serial monogamy at it's finest.

[iluminati]

If you're still interested in women after this, you're a better person than 99% of the planet.  LOL 

[Turkish]

EA,  you sound like a catch,  not even in comparison to your x,  but standing alone.

[Pretty Woman]

Illuminati,

  Your post made me pee... .

a little.  

I have to say... .this shiz runs rampant in the lesbian community.

I am NOT bragging but I am like the Kate Upton of the lesbian community in my area... .getting a date is not a problem... .dating someone normal is.



Last week I met someone super nice. I am not ready to date at all but talking to people. Well this woman tells me she wants to meet for coffee after her group therapy. I am thinking... .um what therapy.

Co Dependency anonymous.

Seriously.

Then the next week I meet someone who has been sort of hitting on me at events. We are at an event and she tells me "there is my ex". And I ask how long they were together and she says 2yrs. Then she tells me they last broke up in July and have broken up five times since they dated.

Yeah my ex boyfriend is looking better by the second... .

[Pretty Woman]

Thanks, Turkish.

I don't usually throw my personal info out there but in comparison to that mess (my ex's life) I think I am pretty good and worth much more than I give myself credit for.

I was raised by a BPD waif (I believe). My mom, even though I love her dearly resents me and the fact I have been able to do well for myself. Living with her so long probably warped me a bit and I do have core wounds. I was raised in a very humble lower-middle class home and had to teach myself a lot.

In a weird way I think my ex and I were mirroring each others mothers looking for approval. My T believes this yet any lesbian therapist dealing with lesbians like to say they have "mommy issues"... .

which they usually do!

It is amazing. I've always been an outgoing loner. I enjoy alone time. Why my life is so affected by this cyclone of an ex I don't know why. My life wasn't too bad without her drama in it.

[iluminati]

Illuminati,

  Your post made me pee... .

a little.  

I have to say... .this shiz runs rampant in the lesbian community.

I am NOT bragging but I am like the Kate Upton of the lesbian community in my area... .getting a date is not a problem... .dating someone normal is.



Last week I met someone super nice. I am not ready to date at all but talking to people. Well this woman tells me she wants to meet for coffee after her group therapy. I am thinking... .um what therapy.

Co Dependency anonymous.

Seriously.

Then the next week I meet someone who has been sort of hitting on me at events. We are at an event and she tells me "there is my ex". And I ask how long they were together and she says 2yrs. Then she tells me they last broke up in July and have broken up five times since they dated.

Yeah my ex boyfriend is looking better by the second... .

This is a phenomenon I have seen gay and straight.  And I would lose the CoDA types.  Getting into relationships quickly isn't recovery for them.  It's like selling Jack Daniels at an AA meeting.  Not a good move.  Still, I'm glad I met you after I filed those papers.  I don't think my wife was that bad, and I may have hesitated to file.

[Pretty Woman]

Illuminati,

   Mine is NOT diagnosed but after the break in May she came over and didn't know I was home. I heard stuff crashing against my townhouse so I opened the door. She was seriously pissed. She told me she wanted her key back... .I couldn't find it. She actually pulled me by my hair up my stairs and threw a drying rack at the wall. My cats pissed all over the place out of fear. Then... .

she hocked and spit in my face. I stood there, tears running down my face looking at this person with so much hate and anger. She was like a wild animal cornered. Mistakenly I reached for her shoulders to calm her and she almost broke my arm.

Later I found out she almost head butted me. I could have been seriously injured.

I cried for weeks at work in the bathroom. I felt like this was my fault. I WAS BEING ABUSED not her.

I still took her back until she decided to move on to the next victim.

I am very grateful to be here even though I suffer from panic attacks and PTSD. I thought about suicide briefly but lucky for me I know that would be taking out the one that has potential for a happy life (me) and she could care less if I lived or died.

It's a hard road. I mean yeah this was my first girlfriend and I feel like I am the only one who has triggered her like this but I don't know all the other stories. I have no idea what else has happened. With a history like hers I cannot fathom I am the only one.

The funny thing is she only dates educated women. Phd's, Masters... .I was probably the least certification wise. Still, that just shows that even the brightest have some really bad self esteem issues.

[Turkish]

Illuminati,

   Mine is NOT diagnosed but after the break in May she came over and didn't know I was home. I heard stuff crashing against my townhouse so I opened the door. She was seriously pissed. She told me she wanted her key back... .I couldn't find it. She actually pulled me by my hair up my stairs and threw a drying rack at the wall. My cats pissed all over the place out of fear. Then... .

she hocked and spit in my face. I stood there, tears running down my face looking at this person with so much hate and anger. She was like a wild animal cornered. Mistakenly I reached for her shoulders to calm her and she almost broke my arm.

Later I found out she almost head butted me. I could have been seriously injured.

I cried for weeks at work in the bathroom. I felt like this was my fault. I WAS BEING ABUSED not her.

I still took her back until she decided to move on to the next victim.

I am very grateful to be here even though I suffer from panic attacks and PTSD. I thought about suicide briefly but lucky for me I know that would be taking out the one that has potential for a happy life (me) and she could care less if I lived or died.

It's a hard road. I mean yeah this was my first girlfriend and I feel like I am the only one who has triggered her like this but I don't know all the other stories. I have no idea what else has happened. With a history like hers I cannot fathom I am the only one.

Those behaviors demonstrate that she belongs in a mental prison hospital. Seriously.

The funny thing is she only dates educated women. Phd's, Masters... .I was probably the least certification wise. Still, that just shows that even the brightest have some really bad self esteem issues.

Ted Kacizynksi was bright, too, no? Bright does not equal smart, and it certainly does not equal being a decent human being.

Having worked in high tech for over two decades, I've come across two PhDs (one male, one female) that were dumber than rocks. One of them had to have gotten through school by either threatening to sue due to discrimination, or due to being enabled by peers. This person's writing was atrocious, and I caught her in blatant plagiarism. If I hadn't caught it, that would have been a huge embarrassment for the company. She also demonstrated other behaviors that indicated she most likely had some type of PD... .

[shellsh0cked]

Illuminati,

   Mine is NOT diagnosed but after the break in May she came over and didn't know I was home. I heard stuff crashing against my townhouse so I opened the door. She was seriously pissed. She told me she wanted her key back... .I couldn't find it. She actually pulled me by my hair up my stairs and threw a drying rack at the wall. My cats pissed all over the place out of fear. Then... .

she hocked and spit in my face. I stood there, tears running down my face looking at this person with so much hate and anger. She was like a wild animal cornered. Mistakenly I reached for her shoulders to calm her and she almost broke my arm.

Later I found out she almost head butted me. I could have been seriously injured.

I cried for weeks at work in the bathroom. I felt like this was my fault. I WAS BEING ABUSED not her.

I still took her back until she decided to move on to the next victim.

I am very grateful to be here even though I suffer from panic attacks and PTSD. I thought about suicide briefly but lucky for me I know that would be taking out the one that has potential for a happy life (me) and she could care less if I lived or died.

It's a hard road. I mean yeah this was my first girlfriend and I feel like I am the only one who has triggered her like this but I don't know all the other stories. I have no idea what else has happened. With a history like hers I cannot fathom I am the only one.

The funny thing is she only dates educated women. Phd's, Masters... .I was probably the least certification wise. Still, that just shows that even the brightest have some really bad self esteem issues.

Sounds all too familiar.  Not just the inability for her to maintain a relationship, but the violence too.  My uBPXGF told me she was "follow you wherever you go tonight... .and I'm gonna have a knife"... .she did too.  Fortunately for me I knew she was hiding at my house waiting for me to come back because she always repeats patterns.  She went to jail that night.  I hated that... .it's hard watching someone go down like that you love... .For PI, Disorderly, and Domestic Violence.  The third one she actually got for the $4000 worth of damage she did to my car while she was waiting on me to come home.  She wound up getting only a 18 weeks of Anger Management because under pressure from her family (close friends) by manipulating them into getting me to have them let her off  (not show for court) when what she REALLY needed was to face the consequences instead of being enabled and allowing her behavior to continue... .maybe she could have gotten help?  But instead they chose to enable her because she threw up the "suicide card" as it were which threw them into a panic... .From what I hear she is still a wreck and has been in one turbulent relationship after another.  It took me about 16 months to really process what all had happened here.  It was a bad situation for sure.  By the way... .the reason for all that violence?  She thought (was CONVINCED) I was looking at other women at a gig my band was playing... .It was NUTS.  I honestly didn't know the girl or even paid her a minute's attention or gave her a second look... .I couldn't pick her out of a line up if I had to.  She let her have it too by the way for "acting like a whore".  Left this girl in tears from what I heard too... .Glad to be out of that situation! 

[Pretty Woman]

The violence part was scary.  Once we were driving and she has a huge pick up truck. There was construction and lanes were merging.

She hits the gas, takes out all the cones on my side of the truck and cuts off a BMW, slams on her brakes and jumps out. She races up to the driver.  People in the other lane are calling her names and flicking us off. I can hear the BMW guy calling her a b. She calmly gets in the truck and we proceed down the road.

All because she was sick of people in BMW's not letting people in.

[Octoberfest]

My BPDex is only 22 and she has also gotten pregnant and aborted a child, been married once, and engaged a few others times.  She has attended 3 different universities in 3 years, and moved to several different cities across the country (we are in a very western state, she upped and moved to Minnesota as well as Rhode Island at 18 years old) before moving back home.  She has a "slept with" list a mile long, both guys and girls, and been with *someone* continuously since 16 or so.  I wouldn't doubt if I ever caught up with her 20 years down the road that her relationship history will read much like your BPDex's.

It seemed fun or interesting or exotic for awhile... .but truthfully I would like to know where the person that I loved and commit to has been.

[Pretty Woman]

Oktoberfest,

 Sadly the woman you committed to never existed.

The sad thing for me is I know she is going to either die early or kill someone (or someone will die from this breakup pain). I am a pretty strong woman. I can't imagine weaker targets handling this well.

My ex also moved alot. She once threatened me that she would just move to get away from me. Looking back it was an immature statement, alot of her statements were so immature I was just blinded by my infatuation for her.

My ex is in her 50's but looks older. Her eyes are wrinkled and she has dark circles. She looks great with a little makeup but she is worn and torn from her life.

Listen, I felt sorry. I had compassion. I still have compassion, I just lost focus on who I was. This person does not define me. This person can't keep a job more than three years and has had more partners than I would have in several lifetimes.

We all have hard lives and I know some of this is that she is the "family secret" and enabled by family with just as many problems. This isn't fully her fault, still it also isn't my responsibility.

A week before our break up I told my friend I was sick of being a caregiver, I wanted a girlfriend. Maybe she felt that? I don't know. She was so clingy and possessive I find it weird how she could just drop me so cold.

Maybe because she knew I was on to her.

All I know is this was probably the best birthday gift anyone has given me (her leaving to destroy someone else).

[Learning_curve74]

Listen, I felt sorry. I had compassion. I still have compassion, I just lost focus on who I was. This person does not define me.

This isn't fully her fault, still it also isn't my responsibility.

All I know is this was probably the best birthday gift anyone has given me (her leaving to destroy someone else).

It's always good to see the truth. Glad you started this thread and wrote it all out, Earth Angel. It helps me as I'm trying to remember the things you wrote above: This person doesn't define me and isn't my responsibility.

Thank you! 

[Pretty Woman]

Learning Curve,

We are only human. We can't save everyone and it's simply not our job.

I remember when I was first dating my ex. I wasn't sure if I wanted a lesbian relationship. Of course, not knowing about BPD I triggered abandonment.

Her sister approached me at work and chastized me... .told me to stop playing with her sister's emotions. I had no idea what the hell she was talking about.

For the longest time I thought her sister hated me and we were friends before I met her sister... .outside of work. Today we rode the elevator and talked. It was clear she was uncomfortable (because her sister smeared me as a stalker) but I know deep down she has to realize something is wrong with her sister.

Who knows. Again, I know she was protecting her... .probably because she would write them off if they suggested treatment.

Love yourself and the right person will love you. You project that self love.  There are so many people in the world. Hurts like an m'fer I know, but there are many soulmates otherwise people would not remarry.

Keep that in mind. Someone who treats you good is out there.

[myself]

Focusing on your list will keep the focus off of hers. How much of hers even matters to you now, except the parts where she hurt you? Having seen the painful truth, knowing you won't go through it any more, you can add this to your list: Moved on! 

[Octoberfest]

Oktoberfest,

 Sadly the woman you committed to never existed.

The sad thing for me is I know she is going to either die early or kill someone (or someone will die from this breakup pain). I am a pretty strong woman. I can't imagine weaker targets handling this well.

My ex also moved alot. She once threatened me that she would just move to get away from me. Looking back it was an immature statement, alot of her statements were so immature I was just blinded by my infatuation for her.

My ex is 42 but looks older. Her eyes are wrinkled and she has dark circles. She looks great with a little makeup but she is worn and torn from her life.

Listen, I felt sorry. I had compassion. I still have compassion, I just lost focus on who I was. This person does not define me. This person can't keep a job more than three years and has had more partners than I would have in several lifetimes.

We all have hard lives and I know some of this is that she is the "family secret" and enabled by family with just as many problems. This isn't fully her fault, still it also isn't my responsibility.

A week before our break up I told my friend I was sick of being a caregiver, I wanted a girlfriend. Maybe she felt that? I don't know. She was so clingy and possessive I find it weird how she could just drop me so cold.

Maybe because she knew I was on to her.

All I know is this was probably the best birthday gift anyone has given me (her leaving to destroy someone else).

But for a time, I sure wanted to believe that she did.

I think it comes down to believing that we deserve better.  Not because we are special.  Not because we deserve special treatment.  But because we deserve someone who can treat us with respect, who can be honest with us, who can be kind to us, and who can show us compassion like we show them.

My parents saw my relationship with my BPDex unfold.  I brought her home from college with me 2 or 3 times, and they heard all about what was going on between us as it happened, including all of the cheating and the lies.  My father told me early on that I should run... .simply given the fact that she has a diagnosed personality disorder. 

Where I am now, I do not want to spend the rest of my life with someone like my BPDex as a spouse or lover.  I don't want to live with a woman forever reminded of her past infidelity.  I do not want to be bound to a woman who cheats and who lies.  I personally do not want my wife to have slept around as much as my BPDex has.

I was prepared to deal with my BPDex's substance abuse and self harm.  I was willing to make the sacrifice to deal with a lover/partner who had some real struggles.  But her behaviors ate away at my soul.  And I'm sorry, but it is not fair to me to have to sacrifice my happiness in order to try and save her. 

It hurts to write that.  I still feel like I am turning my back on her somehow... .  so interesting.  When the relationship ends due to her infidelity and lies and other problems, I do everything in my power to shift the blame somewhere else but her... .as does she.

[Turkish]

Oktoberfest,

 Sadly the woman you committed to never existed.

The sad thing for me is I know she is going to either die early or kill someone (or someone will die from this breakup pain). I am a pretty strong woman. I can't imagine weaker targets handling this well.

My ex also moved alot. She once threatened me that she would just move to get away from me. Looking back it was an immature statement, alot of her statements were so immature I was just blinded by my infatuation for her.

My ex is 42 but looks older. Her eyes are wrinkled and she has dark circles. She looks great with a little makeup but she is worn and torn from her life.

Listen, I felt sorry. I had compassion. I still have compassion, I just lost focus on who I was. This person does not define me. This person can't keep a job more than three years and has had more partners than I would have in several lifetimes.

We all have hard lives and I know some of this is that she is the "family secret" and enabled by family with just as many problems. This isn't fully her fault, still it also isn't my responsibility.

A week before our break up I told my friend I was sick of being a caregiver, I wanted a girlfriend. Maybe she felt that? I don't know. She was so clingy and possessive I find it weird how she could just drop me so cold.

Maybe because she knew I was on to her.

All I know is this was probably the best birthday gift anyone has given me (her leaving to destroy someone else).

But for a time, I sure wanted to believe that she did.

I think it comes down to believing that we deserve better.  Not because we are special.  Not because we deserve special treatment.  But because we deserve someone who can treat us with respect, who can be honest with us, who can be kind to us, and who can show us compassion like we show them.

My parents saw my relationship with my BPDex unfold.  I brought her home from college with me 2 or 3 times, and they heard all about what was going on between us as it happened, including all of the cheating and the lies.  My father told me early on that I should run... .simply given the fact that she has a diagnosed personality disorder. 

Where I am now, I do not want to spend the rest of my life with someone like my BPDex as a spouse or lover.  I don't want to live with a woman forever reminded of her past infidelity.  I do not want to be bound to a woman who cheats and who lies.  I personally do not want my wife to have slept around as much as my BPDex has.

I was prepared to deal with my BPDex's substance abuse and self harm.  I was willing to make the sacrifice to deal with a lover/partner who had some real struggles.  But her behaviors ate away at my soul.  And I'm sorry, but it is not fair to me to have to sacrifice my happiness in order to try and save her. 

It hurts to write that.  I still feel like I am turning my back on her somehow... .  so interesting.  When the relationship ends due to her infidelity and lies and other problems, I do everything in my power to shift the blame somewhere else but her... .as does she.

It's justifying the unjustifiable. Sickness (as mine is now makng the excuse) or no, it's flat out wrong and abusive. By throwing in, perhaps, tiny nuggets of truth (as mine has), it becomes confusing, initiating the FOG on our parts. But in the end nothing excuses it, nothing.

You have it really together, dude, for such a young guy, something I never would have figured out just by reading your thoughts and observations. I think you'll be just fine and will have a great life (keep those red flags ina small reference card in your wallet just the same ;^)

[Pretty Woman]

Oktoberfest,

    I echo Turkishes sentiments. You are on the right path.  You are so young and have a great life ahead of you.

We will all be stronger people having been through this.   

[Octoberfest]

It's justifying the unjustifiable. Sickness (as mine is now makng the excuse) or no, it's flat out wrong and abusive. By throwing in, perhaps, tiny nuggets of truth (as mine has), it becomes confusing, initiating the FOG on our parts. But in the end nothing excuses it, nothing.

You have it really together, dude, for such a young guy, something I never would have figured out just by reading your thoughts and observations. I think you'll be just fine and will have a great life (keep those red flags ina small reference card in your wallet just the same ;^)

Oktoberfest,

    I echo Turkishes sentiments. You are on the right path.  You are so young and have a great life ahead of you.

We will all be stronger people having been through this.   

I appreciate both of your words.  I really came out of my relationship with my BPDex relatively scott-free compared to many here... .even though saying that part of me wants to scream at myself "YEAH RIGHT! SHE DID XYZ TO YOU!".  I am very young, and I am blessed in a way to have learned what I did this early.   This experience has really revealed and allowed for better understanding of some underlying issues that I have... .and I can work hard to resolve them to set myself up for success in a healthy relationship in the future.

[delusionalxox]

Oh Earth   this bit did make me chuckle

'The funny thing is she only dates educated women. Phd's, Masters... .I was probably the least certification wise. Still, that just shows that even the brightest have some really bad self esteem issues.'

I have a phD   and am proof of that statement- and now so does uBPD ex!

He finished his thesis while living with the woman he dumped me for when I was pregnant and had been 'overlapping' me with. Then he dumped her-apparently because he 'still loved' me. He started pursuing me again a few days later.

He has slept  with over 130 women in his nearly 37 years on earth. That includes 3 relationships of several years where he was 'faithful'- eg he only slept with other women 'during breaks' (he considers this to be totally moral and fine behaviour!   ).


He sleeps with transsexual prostitutes (please note no moral judgement from me on this- although he judges himself on it, and feels 'filthy' in his youth he had  sexual involvement with quite a few other men, but now claims to be totally straight.

Since May when he left me he has slept  with at least 6 people, including his temporary replacement girlfriend, a ts prostitute, a one-off threesome, and an attached woman having an affair! This while he was 'depressed' and 'in pain' over the 'loss' of me (! the woman he cheated on and dumped with total brutality).

I believe him to be a sort of sex addict. He is very beautiful, sexy and intense and  once admitted to me that he would 'f*** anything on 2 legs' (!   I know its not exactly funny, but in a way I have to laugh my ass off)

During our relationship he constantly accused me of infidelity and 'flirting'. Go figure.

[Pretty Woman]

Recent development:

I do not check my exes FB. I am blocked but do have another account if I really wanted to check.

While dating, if she was mad at me or we were in a breakup her profile pic would be some pissed off animal, like a wolf chewing on a tree branch or a lion over a carcass.

She stopped talking to me nov 4th and since there has been pictures of Christmas trees and happy stuff "how blessed" she is yada yada.

Now it's a bull with blood dripping down its horns (a cartoon bull with its fists up) and her back ground pic is a four leaf clover.

This was relayed by a friend.  I have to admit that scares me a bit. I told her to warn me only if the pictures got bad and this has been her pic since Dec 18.  I am seriously concerned. 

Hopefully it is that she hates me and the four leaf clover means she is "lucky to be done with me".

The irony is we both have matching four leaf clover tattoos.

Trying not to read into it. 

[Octoberfest]

Recent development:

I do not check my exes FB. I am blocked but do have another account if I really wanted to check.

While dating, if she was mad at me or we were in a breakup her profile pic would be some pissed off animal, like a wolf chewing on a tree branch or a lion over a carcass.

She stopped talking to me nov 4th and since there has been pictures of Christmas trees and happy stuff "how blessed" she is yada yada.

Now it's a bull with blood dripping down its horns (a cartoon bull with its fists up) and her back ground pic is a four leaf clover.

This was relayed by a friend.  I have to admit that scares me a bit. I told her to warn me only if the pictures got bad and this has been her pic since Dec 18.  I am seriously concerned. 

Hopefully it is that she hates me and the four leaf clover means she is "lucky to be done with me".

The irony is we both have matching four leaf clover tattoos.

Trying not to read into it. 

Your BPDex sounds super childish, needy,  and like quite the piece of work.  Which, considering the people we all know, says something.

[nolisan]

That's quite a history - made my head spin. If I were you I would print it off and burn it in some healing/spiritual setting. You don't need all that stuff in your head.

My ex said she had only 3 other serious relationships but also told me she had been "a wild child". She told me she was "a spinster" for several years before I met but I have my doubts.

The pattern of unstable relationships seems to be a defining trait in BPD.

[Pretty Woman]

Nolisan,

  It is crazy.  Red flags galore.  I ignored everything because I hadn't dated in awhile. That was my problem. I knew something seemed off and I didn't trust my instincts.  This woman had a ton of problems. 

Like they say: don't date someone who has more problems than you do.

On this case, it rings true. 

I really thought I could save her. The problem is that is part of the ploy. It is not out job to save them.  We need to save ourselves.

[Pretty Woman]

Octoberfest,

   It's funny how I picked up on the Facebook thing during our relationship. In May when she left for her ex we both admitted to stalking each others profile. 

This time I deleted her when she dumped me and she blocked me.  When I tried to reverse block I couldn't as she changed the email it was connected to.

It's all games.  If I really wanted to contact her I could send her a message at work or send her something via mail.

I am not interested in a restraining order.  Plus I am not perusing someone who treated me so poorly this whole year.  She talked to exes our entire relationship. I do not believe she was ever planning to stay with me.

A week after she left me she was out with some friends at a bar. One mutual friend told me she was talking about the ex before me, that this ex wanted to retire her and for her to have her babies. My ex proceeded to say for the right price she would do it, only if she got a considerable monthly stipend.

This disgusted my friend who thought she sounded like a cad and a ho.

Ironically the ex she described is a psychiatrist whom was still dating my ex (unbeknownst to me) when she met me.

I had no idea. And she told me this woman was stalking her and she had to change her number. Funny how a few months later they were talking on the phone. 

[shellsh0cked]

Oh Earth   this bit did make me chuckle

'The funny thing is she only dates educated women. Phd's, Masters... . I was probably the least certification wise. Still, that just shows that even the brightest have some really bad self esteem issues.'

I have a phD   and am proof of that statement- and now so does uBPD ex!

He finished his thesis while living with the woman he dumped me for when I was pregnant and had been 'overlapping' me with. Then he dumped her-apparently because he 'still loved' me. He started pursuing me again a few days later.

He has slept  with over 130 women in his nearly 37 years on earth. That includes 3 relationships of several years where he was 'faithful'- eg he only slept with other women 'during breaks' (he considers this to be totally moral and fine behaviour!   ).


He sleeps with transsexual prostitutes (please note no moral judgement from me on this- although he judges himself on it, and feels 'filthy' in his youth he had  sexual involvement with quite a few other men, but now claims to be totally straight.

Since May when he left me he has slept  with at least 6 people, including his temporary replacement girlfriend, a ts prostitute, a one-off threesome, and an attached woman having an affair! This while he was 'depressed' and 'in pain' over the 'loss' of me (! the woman he cheated on and dumped with total brutality).

I believe him to be a sort of sex addict. He is very beautiful, sexy and intense and  once admitted to me that he would 'f*** anything on 2 legs' (!   I know its not exactly funny, but in a way I have to laugh my ass off)

During our relationship he constantly accused me of infidelity and 'flirting'. Go figure.

My xgf slept with several people during our “breaks”.  One HOURS after a big fight.  It was at least 3 others…maybe four.  I don’t even remember because I just put up with it…She accused me of my “immoral” behavior because I “oggled”…(yes, that’s how she spelled it…and mispronounced it too), but it was perfectly acceptable for her to sleep with other guys…”It’s not the same thing!  We weren’t together!”  Whatever.  I didn’t do that.  How could anyone?  When I am hurt I don’t go off screwing other chicks.  Even so…what I did (and really did not) was FAR worse than what she did. 

She once asked me a sexual fantasy I had…It was to watch a couple have sex in the flesh.  Not to touch, not to be involved…but to just watch.  So freaking what?  She then told me about a time where she invited her ex-husband’s friend to watch them have sex.  Okay…weird, but whatever.  A few weeks later we were in a club where a couple really needed a “room” and were basically doing it with their clothes on.  At the time we chuckled about it…but later it came up in a fight that I “couldn’t keep my eyes off them” that she was really disturbed by how “turned on” I was by it…Now she says I am a voyeur and a paraphilliac ...   That maybe I need to look on the internet for people that can fill my perversions…Hmmm…I never acted on it, but you let someone else watch you and your husband have sex?  And I am the pervert?  Wow…So many things…so much ___ I put up with…never again.