Moonie's back

[Moonie75]

Stupidly recycled, used, lied to & discarded.

Dumb dumb dumb ass for believing the crap!

Lesson for everyone, it only gets worse, harder, even more destructive & god knows more hurtful.

[mango_flower]

So sorry to hear this, Moonie

I wish I had some advice for you, unfortunately I don't.   Hopefully somebody who has engaged more than once will be along shortly to help you out.

I'm hoping you protected your heart a little bit this time round though?  I'm genuinely sorry it didn't work, but at the same time, at least you got out.  At least you had your second shot, and won't be wondering "what if?" again... .hopefully it will make it easier to heal. xxx

[Clearmind]

Pattern is certain to repeat itself for you and her unless we step back and see it for what the union is. Learnt anything different this go around?

[SweetCharlotte]

Missed you, Moonie!

Sorry you're back for this reason. I assumed you had gotten over her or had been thrown off the Boards for your occasional outbursts of rebelliousness.

[Perfidy]

Hi moonie... I never left. I'm still afraid to look outside. Welcome back my friend. Sorry it has to be this way.

[arn131arn]

Moonie,

I am arn, new to this board. Just joined this week.  

Good to meet you.  

I have just decided to ATTEMPT to get out of a relationship for good after 14 years.  I have no idea how I am going to do this right now; but I have been recycled or at the very least, threatened to be recycled over 100 times in the past 14 years.

I am literally out of my mind, I have been ostracized by her to our community, lost a career option in nursing because of her, have two misdemeanor DV charges on my record, and drank enough over the past 5 years to kill the Chinese army.

All I can say is, it doesn't get any better.  When you no longer love yourself enough to say enough is enough... .it's rock bottom time.  

Just don't wait so long, bro.  I know it's tough, but you will be much older and trying to recreate your life won't be as easy.

[Surnia]

Hi moonie and welcome back.

I was wondering what happened to you... .

So she finished it again or you?

[Moonie75]

Nice to meet you Arn & Mango Flower.

Hello again Surnia, Perfiddy, Sweet Charlotte, Clearmind.

If I don't get out of this cycle this time, the bpdfamily 'police' have my permission to edit my username to Moon The Loon!

I'll thoroughly deserve it if I don't get out of this. Well, I am out AGAIN, but you know what I mean, if I get sucked back in.

[arn131arn]

How many times was it for you Moon?

I have been either recycled or been threatened with splits over 100 times in the past 14 years... .

If it ain't that much, man... .do yourself a favor and save yourself allot of pain and heartache.

[necchi]

Well helllo there Moony.

You seem known from the community, do you think they've made bets when you left ?   

[Surnia]

If I don't get out of this cycle this time, the bpdfamily 'police' have my permission to edit my username to Moon The Loon!

We only support positive user name changes. Like Wisemoon.   

Hang in there, moonie, you can break the circle of push/pull.

[Moonie75]

I wouldn't be surprised marinro7  

Arn... .My story quickly... .Three year relationship, turbulent last 18 months. She devalued & discarded me summer 2012. Recycled two months later.

Summer this year I suspect I'm being triangulated with a neighbour & I leave. I'm proved right & she starts bedding the neighbour soon as I'm gone while painting me black. I don't chase, went NC & started rebuilding.

(bpdfamily was my classroom, my sanctuary & my Narnia, where all the people there understand, help & genuinely care).

Three months later its all over between them & she returns. She goes into therapy this time for issues going back to her dad leaving when she was five yrs old. She admits she has trust issues & a thing about needing to 'butterfly' herself around men!

A pub round the corner does happy hour on Friday 'early doors' and she has begun meeting some old school friends (male friends) there while I work Friday evenings till 10pm. Couple Fridays ago she invites me to join them after I finish work. I get there to find her at bar with two male friends, all three are drunk as skunks. She goes to toilet & one asks how I know xxxx. I tell him I'm her partner & he's visibly shocked. Then says "she's never mentioned a partner! We thought she was single!"  

We leave pub & head round the corner to my house. Her phone's going off & she's so drunk she starts reading the txt's out to me as we walk. It's the male friend from the pub. He's texting how jealous he is & telling how he was going to ask her out!

She laughs it off & tells me I've nothing to worry about because she's openly telling me about it & she's not interested in anyone else. She says that she will not go back without me & she wants to make clear to them that she's happy with me & not looking!

She then preaches "if some woman gets sweet on you it's not your fault & I have to trust my man will maybe be flattered, but will stay faithful!"

I tell her I'm not comfortable with how the evening unfolded & these male friends not knowing she was in a relationship. I invite myself to the next Friday night out to get to know these people. (I'm owed a few Friday evenings off work anyhow).

Following week she tells me she's going to her female friends for a meal & girly night in this Friday.

Friday evening comes & my gut tells me to get to that pub & I bet I've been lied to.

I ask my manager to let me go home because things there aren't right. He agrees & I lea e work heading to the pub. I walk in to see her sitting holding court in the corner of the pub with a group of men enjoying their 'early doors' session. She's the only female in the group!

She sees me across the crowded bar & I just smile, give her a thumbs up to let her know I've seen her, then I leave.

She txt's me shortly after with "I'm not doing anything wrong so don't you dare start on me".

(I don't reply)

8pm she calls me (I don't answer). She leaves voicemail telling me she's now on her way to Liz's for the meal. (Even saying "listen you can hear my shoes walking down the pavement I'm not in the pub any more".

Few more calls but I don't answer. Various voicemails pretty much all claiming she only popped in for an hour on her way to Liz's meal.

Personally, I don't think the meal & girly night in ever existed! I think she was genuinely on her way to Liz's when she claimed. But I think that was futile damage limitation. Shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted?

Nobody I know arrives for a a home cooked meal & night in at 8.30pm!

Next morning I bagged her belongings from my house, drove the five miles to her place & left her things in the back garden. As I left I txt'd her telling her that her personal effects were there.

My view (for what it's worth as I'm not an outsider looking in), is that I caught her bang to rights & I'm not wrong about the meal being invented to give her a night out with other men!

[Moonie75]

Surnia,

I think I finished it? Possibly just before she has secured a replacement?

I say that because she was still logged in to her email on my lap top when I walked. She's registered with an online dating website this week! So maybe I bolted before the new source was secured? She certainly seems to have cast her nets out (online) beyond the male drinking group. But I figure she's working on somebody in the pub or she wouldn't have lied about not going there & eating in with a female friend.

I think I left before anything/anyone was certain?

[arn131arn]

Here's my story of the last recycle attempt.

Let me know when you think you see a simliarity... .ok?

I call her dad, because I was no longer speaking to her.  I had some coffee with him, and told him I wanted to talk to him about what was going to be done about child custody.

I meet with him and tell him what I want and expect and if not we can go to the mattresses in court. (Her dad would have to foot all her legal expenses bc she cant for herself).

We agree to terms and the VERY next day she wants to meet up at a coffee house near our house.  She tells me how she has been talking to her pastor and he said that we can do ANYTHING through Christ, Jesus (the baby one, I think, not the full grown one on the cross).  Anyway, she wants to start new.  See me once a week (loving from a distance), start counseling bc she cant trust anyone at all... .NOONE. and she knows she has issues, right?

Well, I had moved out and she was living at her sister's house.  I was getting upset bc I told her she could stay at the house, while I moved out for a while.  She wouldn't budge.  She stayed at her sister's and I believe there is some triangulation going on by her house.  But I told her that if she wasn't home in a week I was moving back in.  She told me to call her later in the week to discuss.

I texted her after work, and asked her what her and my son were up to.  She said in a meeting.  I said okay.  Then I realized it was 1030 at night.  I said "YOU ARE A F in LIAR!"  She called me 10 minutes later and said she was in a church prayer meeting with a bunch of woman, and all of them were saying how I was no good for her bc I was being intolerant.

I said great! Where's this church meeting, I would love to talk to some of these women and explain my side of the story.  She wouldn't tell me.  But the whole time I know where she was... .She was at a concert bc I bartend near it and we were slammed beforehand, with everyone going to and from the concert.

I rushed over to her sister's house, and she was getting home (at the same time I was getting there), meaning she ran out of the concert, to beat me there.  I saw her run inside and she wouldn't come to the door and even threatened to call the cops IF I didn't leave.  So, needeless to say, I talk to her the next morning and she FINALLY admitted to me that she was at the concert.

The truth is, I don't know where she was, but we were going to put our faith in the Lord, this time, for he can do everything.  She started a new beginning with a lie from jump street.  She wouldn't know honesty if it hit her right in the face. 2 to 3 weeks ago, I changed the locks on my doors. I dropped her dogs off at her sisters' house, and am officially am walking away.

Do yourself a favor, don't do it for 14 years, man.  It ONLY gets worse and the pain hurts even more every time they betray you.  Then she starts calling the cops or smearing your name... .no need for that... .GET OUT.  Better yet, let's quit together?  what you think?

[Moonie75]

I'm in Arn man! Count me IN!

[Undone123]

Moonie! good to read you! Sorry to hear what you've been through man! CHIN UP!

[arn131arn]

I'm in Arn man! Count me IN!

two heads are better than one... .

[Moonie75]

Hey Undone! Good to read you too!

Arn, any normal person would accept they've been rumbled & go get under a rock!

Personally, I feel my (un-diagnosed) ex will know she's been rumbled yes! But her remedy seems to be to try to get 'under someone else'!

I'm a long way from 14 yrs experience you have, but the last two big break ups have given me roughly 8 to 10 weeks rest bite. I genuinely & sincerely want to not enter back into 'the dance' again & reckon on having approximately the same 8-10 weeks before she attempts her return.

Historically There's a cycle which I must own my half of. But as long as she can't own hers I must predict an attempt from her to return.

If you've also a history of multiple recycles I suspect you're facing the same?

[Pretty Woman]

Hey Moonie,

    Nice to meet you.  Sorry it's under these circumstances. 

 

Earth 

[Moonie75]

Hello Earth. Nice to meet you too. 

[necchi]

Moonie!

Nice move you made there! Wish we all had friends like here physically presents for slapping us back to reality when we start wandering of past the curb and into the crazy fields!

Seems that you are learning though.

[Octoberfest]

It is always a bittersweet thing to see old friends return to this board- sweet because we form bonds with each other as we travel our own roads of healing, but bitter because we see friends return to continue to walk their road, which they had departed already prior.

I am glad to see you back here Moonie.  Given the alternative, it is better that you are here and not there.

Both Arn and Moonie-  I am sorry to hear what both of you have experienced.  It dragged up a lot of negative memories for myself; not being able to trust, HAVING to verify, and each time finding more and more lies.  Having the person that you love lie to your face when you already know the truth... .it offers a window into just how deep the disorder goes, that this person could sit there and jovially lie to your face about some very serious things (trust, integrity, loyalty, etc).  Disgusting.

We are better off without them.

Glad to see you again Moonie.

[Moonie75]

You actually & very genuinely moved me then Octoberfest.

Heart felt thanks to you my friend. Good to read your kind, caring & friendly words.

I hope you're well man?