Boundaries Setting or Controlling ?

[Wishful thinking]

I spoke to my psychiatrist some time back and I expressed how much I am in need of boundaries. That i suck at it

Anyways he said a few things like

1. If your BPDh dont do chores there needs to be consequences eg I dont have to give him his weekly allowance (Hes currently unemployed)

2. I can tell my BPDh that if I am aware that he is calling or communicating with a particular person then I can tell him that I wont talk to him for the day.

This sounds a bit controlling... .am i right that it is? Afterall this is from a psych  

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[Grey Kitty]

The first one sounds "reasonable" but that doesn't mean a pwBPD will do anything but go sideways over them. I'd also note that they sound reasonable as a way to treat a child, but not a reasonable way to treat an adult. And while a pwBPD may have the emotional capacity of a child, treating them like one doesn't make the household work better!

The second one sounds like a bad idea all around, especially if the "particular person" is somebody your pwBPD has/had an emotional affair or worse with.

They don't sound like enforcing boundaries to me--they sound like punishments for bad behavior, which is a completely different model.

The version of enforcing boundaries I learned here is effective at protecting you from the consequences of your partner's actions. A classic one is "If you verbally abuse me, I will leave the conversation with you."

That sort of boundary enforcement doesn't work as well for INactions, I'm sorry to say.