My BPD family... thoughts on this

[State85]

Ok. As usual weekends are difficult. I don't hear from her on Friday night or Saturday night. Why... .you know why. But today, out of the blue, text... ."I'm miserable, got a cold, feel sick"

I'm tempted, but I won't, to text back and say "call one of your boyfriends, not me"

Why keep me in the loop.

I want nothing to do with your flipping exes that follow you around on social media, and wherever else... .b$&@ch

[Waifed]

Ok. As usual weekends are difficult. I don't hear from her on Friday night or Saturday night. Why... .you know why. But today, out of the blue, text... ."I'm miserable, got a cold, feel sick"

I'm tempted, but I won't, to text back and say "call one of your boyfriends, not me"

Why keep me in the loop.

I want nothing to do with your flipping exes that follow you around on social media, and wherever else... .b$&@ch

Better off not responding at all or with a simple "sorry". Don't give her the pleasure of knowing you care about her at all.

[Ironmanrises]

Narcissistic supply. That is why she sent you that text. To guilt trip you into feeling sorry for her so you can respond. Do not reply.

Why keep me in the loop.

To hurt you is by the far the simplest and most concise of answers.

[State85]

Waifed and ironman... .hear ya.

I want to be left alone... .

[State85]

Her latest text "I just thought you would ask if I needed something... .guess I was wrong"

[mango_flower]

She's appealing to your "Knight in Shining Armor" tendencies.  Making you feel guilty for not being there for her (the second text).

The first text - well, she's just checking you're still there... .

Mine used to do that too.

Until I just had enough and ignored everything.

It took 5 emails from her (one beautifully sad, one angry, one guilt-inducing and two about practical matters) until she got the hint that I wasn't going to reply and went off in a huff.

It's hard, I know.  We all know... .part of you will be screaming inside, that you need to answer, you need to be there for her, you need to show her she wasn't wrong about you, and that you ARE a great person... .

But really, it's just her game.

[State85]

Thoughts on this... .

When we we're still in a r/s. I bought her some gift cards for her birthday (August). She would not take them at the time... .a rage thing. Since then I have tried to give them to her several times. Her thinking is that she should not have to bring it up for me to give them to her... .I should give them to her on my own, without her asking. And according to her "don't mail them, that would be rude" I'm leaving town for Christmas tomorrow, but she thinks for me to be a friend, I need to get those cards to her... .on my own. Is this insane or what? And on top of that her texting me about not feeling good... .the original topic of this post.

I want to just take these cards out and be done... .no more ties between us... .but if I do I'm giving in. Am I not?

[Aussie0zborn]

I didn't follow the bit about the cards but the simple answer to all this is... .

NO CONTACT. You know that.

Block her phone number, block her email, block everything so that she can't get through to you and move on.

Why allow yourself to be played?

[Waifed]

Thoughts on this... .

When we we're still in a r/s. I bought her some gift cards for her birthday (August). She would not take them at the time... .a rage thing. Since then I have tried to give them to her several times. Her thinking is that she should not have to bring it up for me to give them to her... .I should give them to her on my own, without her asking. And according to her "don't mail them, that would be rude" I'm leaving town for Christmas tomorrow, but she thinks for me to be a friend, I need to get those cards to her... .on my own. Is this insane or what? And on top of that her texting me about not feeling good... .the original topic of this post.

I want to just take these cards out and be done... .no more ties between us... .but if I do I'm giving in. Am I not?

They are your cards now.

[mango_flower]

Personally I'd give the gift cards to charity.

Then, when she asks for them (as a way of re-engaging you), your answer is "You didn't want them.  I was following your wishes". (Or, just don't reply!) x

[State85]

Aussie

Her deal with the gift cards is, if she has to ask me for them... .she doesn't want them. It should be me thinking, on my own, hey I'm going to give her those cards today... .cause I was thinking bout her... .without her asking... .stupid I know.

Sounds like just another ploy for her to re engage.

[redkong]

state85,

This sounds like manipulation, pure and simple.  It's similar to another thread that has been active recently - something like "you're not saying it the right way" or similar.  Your pwBPD wants you to follow their script and they are pissed because you aren't following it to the T.  Unfortunately, it's almost impossible to really follow a pwBPD's script because as soon as you do it changes, thus meaning you still fall short or fail them again.

I agree with others - you've tried to give her the cards and she hasn't accepted them, so they are yours now.  Use them, gift them to others, donate them, whatever feels right to you.

[Turkish]

Ok. As usual weekends are difficult. I don't hear from her on Friday night or Saturday night. Why... .you know why. But today, out of the blue, text... ."I'm miserable, got a cold, feel sick"

I'm tempted, but I won't, to text back and say "call one of your boyfriends, not me"

Why keep me in the loop.

I want nothing to do with your flipping exes that follow you around on social media, and wherever else... .b$&@ch

"Yes, you are miserable. That you are 'sick' is the understatement of your life. Oh btw, sorry about the cold. At least that will get better!"

[ShadowDancer]

Ok. As usual weekends are difficult. I don't hear from her on Friday night or Saturday night. Why... .you know why. But today, out of the blue, text... ."I'm miserable, got a cold, feel sick"

I'm tempted, but I won't, to text back and say "call one of your boyfriends, not me"

Why keep me in the loop.

I want nothing to do with your flipping exes that follow you around on social media, and wherever else... .b$&@ch

"Yes, you are miserable. That you are 'sick' is the understatement of your life. Oh btw, sorry about the cold. At least that will get better!"

Touche!

[maxen]

Her latest text "I just thought you would ask if I needed something... .guess I was wrong"

     

[Oliolioxenfree]

Her latest text "I just thought you would ask if I needed something... .guess I was wrong"

Oh my, This sounds all too familiar.

A pwBPD had a loaded bond with you and has learned what your strengths and weaknesses are.  Mango_Flower is spot on. She is preying on you being a knight in shining armor and appeals to that, when you dont play the game, they get mad and will turn your own best qualities around on you.  Mine did the very same thing.

for me mine was independence, which he praised at first and then turned it around on me all of the sudden independent = ice queen when I didnt respond to his emails and texts.   unfortuneatly for me I was not aware of the disorder and his tactics got the better of me.

dont give in.  Its just to manipulate and control.

[fromheeltoheal]

I left my borderline ex because of the sht she pulled; she pushed it way too far and she knew it, and every time that happened she got mired in shame.  You could always tell, ice cream was her drug of choice, and when she plowed through a quart like it was her first meal in a week, look of death on her face, the shame was winning.

So when I left her, the texts stopped immediately.  They had worked to manipulate me for a long time, but she knew the jig was up and her silly little text persona, nowhere near the real her, was useless.  So I got a whole lot of phone calls with no message, just a hang-up, and 8 months later a long email: it said in part "I love you very much as a person and a friend, but... ."  Have we heard that a few times around here or what?

But that email spun me anyway.  Shouldn't have read it but I did.  My point is if you are certain you don't want a relationship with her, do yourself a favor and go to any means to eliminate contact.  She will try and try, trying to get some response, never connecting to how it's making you feel, never about anything but her, a full time job with overtime, and it will just hurt and hurt.  There's lots of untangling to do, a borderline is an expert at worming into our psyche, and that takes a while to eradicate; I'd call an exterminator, but better to do the work to heal, you'll be better for it in the end.  Take care of you!

[State85]

Thanks... .love my BPD family