Unrelated to BPD, but Christmas is a hard time for me

[Chosen]

Today I woke up depressed.  That's because 3 years ago, I lost my mother to cancer on Boxing Day. 

uBPDh has been supportive of me but at the same time I'm afraid if I am depressed for the next few days it may trigger him, and he may think I'm unappreciative of his support (because it doesn't seem to make a difference, etc.).  Christmas is also a time of gathering with friends and family but I really don't feel like hanging out with friends.  I just want to be alone/ on our own, contemplating life, feeling my emotions.  I think I need some time just to be sad so I can get on with my life.  But I'm also afraid H will not understand and will think I let him down if I turn down those social events.  They're not even parties, just hanging out with friends, but for me I don't have enough emotions to deal with friends these few days  :'(

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[Seashells]

Awe Chosen 

I just saw this message.  I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling down and it is surely understandable to have those sad feelings surrounding the death of your mother.

I'm sorry this didn't get a response earlier.  How are you feeling now?

This is a tough one, and I can't see denying your own feelings in this.  I hope you let us know how you're doing and how you made out.

SS

[Tolou]

Sometimes you need to be honest with yourself and how you feel and do what it is that best for health... .If you do not feel like putting yourself in a certain situation, you shouldn't have to.  Let him know that you care but it just something that is overwhelming and difficult for you and you just need him to respect that.  Hopefully he will understand, and if he doesn't the most important thing is that you were honest about it and tried communicating that with... .Do what is best for you, sometimes when it comes to our health we have to be a little selfish.

[nodoover]

Find a few min and write yourself a list of all the things in your life you are grateful for, can be anything, kids, pet, your house, your job, your garden, anything, write as much as you can.

It's easy once we start down a path of depression with sad thoughts to let it spiral down especially during the holidays.

I took it hard when my dad died and after 6 months I joined a therapy group for people who lost their parents it really helped me a lot.  Try to remember the good times and know she wouldn't want you to feel that way, she would want you to enjoy life.

As far as your spouse, it's hard enough dealing with their stuff, when you have your own its twice as hard.  Maybe you can make a deal and go to just one event.

Distraction can help too, a few movies, a good book. 

[Chosen]

Hi all,

I was very pleasantly surprised that H understood my need, and actually cancelled the gathering with friends, etc.  to spend time with me, just the two of us.  We had a great time together, I didn't feel the need to mingle with people and pretend to be feeling very happy.  I was with a person who already knows everything I've been through and that's a nice feeling!