Christmas Present from BPD mum

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hey Guys

So I've been living abroad away from my mother for almost three years mainly just so I could get the hell away from her abuse. We stay relatively low contact but she always insists on sending me the most enormous Christmas parcel to my work address so that she can publicly show everyone I work with what a good mother she is. I have no say in this but she always makes a point of telling me how expensive not only the present was but how much it cost to get sent to where I live.

So she sent me a lot of E-mails trying to reaffirm what a lovely mummy she is lots of references to my childhood etc. I've been trusting my gut and not responding to them which has felt really good. I'm spending Christmas with my boyfriend, it won't be anything big because we're both working but it should be fun. We are making cookies for everyone in the office, having coffee in the morning, buying each other practical gifts etc.

I sent my dad (divorced) a nice present, he has made me a Christmas box that is on it's way.

I've made it clear that I want to talk to and stay in a relationship with my little sister who is still living at home so I've talked to her all the time.

Yesterday when I was e-mailing my sister to set up a skype date for Christmas day my mum sort of butted in and told me my Christmas box was still at the house. I think she is trying to tell me that I'm not getting a present this year... .and honestly I'm relieved.

I don't want that steaming box of overpriced guilt, it's not really a present at all it's an apology and I don't need that.

I've decided that if I do get 'given' her gift I shall give the contents to a charity unless it's something my sister has given me then I'll keep it.

[zubizou87]

Hey Guys

So I've been living abroad away from my mother for almost three years mainly just so I could get the hell away from her abuse. We stay relatively low contact but she always insists on sending me the most enormous Christmas parcel to my work address so that she can publicly show everyone I work with what a good mother she is. I have no say in this but she always makes a point of telling me how expensive not only the present was but how much it cost to get sent to where I live.

So she sent me a lot of E-mails trying to reaffirm what a lovely mummy she is lots of references to my childhood etc. I've been trusting my gut and not responding to them which has felt really good. I'm spending Christmas with my boyfriend, it won't be anything big because we're both working but it should be fun. We are making cookies for everyone in the office, having coffee in the morning, buying each other practical gifts etc.

I sent my dad (divorced) a nice present, he has made me a Christmas box that is on it's way.

I've made it clear that I want to talk to and stay in a relationship with my little sister who is still living at home so I've talked to her all the time.

Yesterday when I was e-mailing my sister to set up a skype date for Christmas day my mum sort of butted in and told me my Christmas box was still at the house. I think she is trying to tell me that I'm not getting a present this year... .and honestly I'm relieved.

I don't want that steaming box of overpriced guilt, it's not really a present at all it's an apology and I don't need that.

I've decided that if I do get 'given' her gift I shall give the contents to a charity unless it's something my sister has given me then I'll keep it.

[GeekyGirl]

Hey zobizou,

It sounds like you have a lovely Christmas planned for yourself.    I can imagine how the thought of an over-the-top Christmas gift from your mother might be unnerving, but I hope that you can enjoy the day and spend some quality time with your boyfriend.

The idea of donating to a charity is a nice one. What will you do if your mother does send a gift? What will you do if she doesn't?

Merry Christmas to you!