Thank you both for the replies.
I found that being vulnerable accelerated the healing process for me. I spend way too much time in my head, and my T pointed out how quickly I default to thinking instead of feeling.
I spend way to much time thinking and analyzing too.
I had a big breakthrough here on bpdfamily when I shifted my thinking from "I am afraid of him" to "I want to feel safe."
I don't feel a lot of fear, but your statement of shifting your thinking got me thinking - what is holding me back? And I think I haven't been able to let go of the family that doesn't exist. Intellectually I realize my FOO are incapable of giving me what I need and of being the people I want them to be. Someone on another forum used the example of it's like expecting someone with no legs to walk. I get that in my brain, but I have a hard time reaching that point emotionally. I still have irrational feelings that she's going to call and actually ask me how I'm doing, or tell me she loves me. So in that aspect I guess I need to work more on total acceptance.
I found that being vulnerable accelerated the healing process for me.
I don't know that feeling vulnerable is the issue, but I do wonder if I put myself in more emotionally triggering situations if that would help.
In terms of techniques, I know that some people try things like EMDR to help them access deeper feelings.
I wasn't familiar with this so I had to look it up. It looks to be something you would need a therapist for. Although I do eventually want to start seeing one, it's not realistic with my current situation.
My gut reaction is to encourage you not to try and rush things, but let it play out as it needs to come out. Too much at once is too much.
I probably am trying to do too much too fast. Sometimes I feel like I already lost too much time and I just want to move on to the next step. But realistically, I wouldn't have been able to process everything so fast without having a huge breakdown - which isn't realistic while having to be a wife and mother.
What helped me most was to look around and see what I can be thankful for. It is very easy to get sucked into looking at the negative all the time, but there are good things out there to be thankful for.
I do try to focus on the good things. When I find myself thinking negatively, I try to really look at the situation - is it really so bad? am I overreacting? what can I do to change it? where's the silver lining? It definitely is a conscious effort to be happy.
Another thing I did was to find things I enjoy doing (for me that would be sewing, quilting, embroidery, etc) and to stop myself in the middle of a project and tell myself how much I am enjoying it. This is me- this is what I like.
I am trying to do things I enjoy. However it's been hard. I was so enmeshed with my mom that sometimes I have to stop and think, ":)o I really enjoy doing this, or am I just doing it because my mom said I liked it?" On my birthday, I seriously spent 10 minutes figuring out if my favorite cake was really my favorite cake or if I just thought it was because my mom always told me it was. I find I am having to discover myself at the age of 30 because I was never allowed - trying new things to see if I like it or not, trying to discover who I really am. Sometimes I feel a little lost because I don't know who I am, but this has gotten me thinking, and I think when I'm done writing this, I'm going to write a list for myself of things I know I like and don't like to help me feel more like an individual.
You both have definitely been helpful and gotten me thinking. I need to give myself more credit for the progress I have made, keep working at it, and give it time. Thanks.
