This is why I want to isolate

[Perfidy]

I'm away. I haven't heard from anybody today. Christmas Eve. Of all the people I know and live not one has called me to see how I'm doing. Most people close to me know how I struggle with my feelings since the breakup and several other disasters. I have been on a kind of downward spiral as far as my feelings and emotions have been for quite a while. Several deaths, a fire that took most of my belongings. A breakup with a girl I thought loved me. I'm doing great physically, excellent financial health, I'm doing the best I ever have in those areas. My mental state is in the toilet right now.

I know the phone works both ways. I could reach out to them... All my friends and family. Lets see who cares enough to call me. Once again, I am feeling sorry for myself. I feel out of sight out of mind. I think about them all of the time and call them a lot. Almost every day. I sent cards and gifts to almost everyone. I shouldn't have to invite myself into their lives. So it's snowing. It's beautiful. Big,warm,wet snow. I'm walking. To hell with them.

[Contradancer]

 

Merry Christmas, Perfidy.

My sweetheart is out of town so I'm stuck cooking, cleaning, and being ignored by my FOO. I don't even care to try. If it were not for my church family, who have been texting holiday wishes and gave me both verbal and physical affection tonight, I'd be doing a major bah humbug.

Despite feeling low, I will force myself to text and call friends tomorrow. I know I'll feel better (human?) If I do.

Enjoy your walk. Peace to you.

[starshine]

Awwwww, I'm sorry you're feeling so down, alone, and disconnected.  Having the impression that you have no one that cares is really difficult, especially when it seems like you've gone the extra mile to participate.  Holidays are hard.  Keep taking care of yourself, Perfidy.  We're all in this together, healing post by post.   

Have a peaceful Christmas   

[Perfidy]

Merry Christmas , starshine  and contradancer. I guess it's how it's meant to be. I shouldn't be so ungrateful. I have plenty to be thankful for. Besides, it's Christmas and they all have their Christmas things to do. Selfish of me

[starshine]

Mmmmmm, I don't agree with you that you are being selfish.  Being alone is difficult, especially at the holidays.

Cut yourself some slack.  I'm glad you are sitting in a place where you can see what you are thankful for, also. 

 

[whirlpoollife]

Many of here feel alone tonight right with you. I was feeling at peace with it using spirituality at my companion. kids are with their dad,x2bh,  and coincidently I get a mystery text. I have gotten these before always when kids are not with me. I'm 99% sure its x2tbh but now I feel really alone because it still scares me.  

[Perfidy]

It's easy to have good feelings when everything is going my way. Not many will let me share my bad feelings. Thank you. My counsellor taught me how important gratitude is. When I'm feeling down I think of the positives that I have. I'm healthy. I have everything I need to live. A roof over my head, clothes to wear, food to eat, water to drink and air to breathe. I'm alive. I feel. This will pass. It will look different tomorrow, when the sun is shining.

[Jbt857]

Hi Perfidy,

It's just a day, like any other day. There's 364 more of them each year.

Vent, feel better. It will pass.

[maxen]

good morning perfidy.   i sincerely hope today is a bit happier for you. everybody here will let you share your bad feelings! i wish we could have a convention, we could all get genuine commiseration. in the meantime we can stay in touch on this board.

[Awakecj]

It's just a day, like any other day. There's 364 more of them each year.

Hi Perfidy,

I really relate to your post as I often have the same thoughts especially during the holiday season. I like what Jbt857 wrote, my therapist has often said that same thing to me and I'm working on incorporating that view into my life. For so long, holidays were family and so during the past two years when they came it was incredibly difficult because of the divorce from HWBPD of 33 years. Now however, I'm finding beauty and fulfillment in every day as much as possible, not so much the holidays. Actually, holidays are stressful and exhausting!

Today, Christmas, I'm sitting alone but I have a cup of coffee, Christmas tree lit, candles going and I'm at peace. I'm creating my new holidays. I had my adult kids and grandkids over last night and exchanged minimal presents. My new holiday is more relaxing and I'm beginning to experience a little peace in my life.

I think I may go for a walk as well and appreciate the quiet and peace I get to experience today.  

[damage control]

Hi Perdify

I hope you are feeling better.

I to was alone on Xmas day.My 2 sons sent texts and called but other than that ... .

I spent the day locked in my room with housemates who aren't speaking to me thumping around in the lounge area directly outside my room & the e away on his Xmas vacation ... it's all both meaningless and hurtful at the same time.

I actually found Dec 26th to be worse. Xmas day I was expecting to be bad ... the day after ... like an emotional hangover.

[Perfidy]

Thank you DC... .I am feeling better. Doing inventory helps. I'm sorry you are still struggling. I hope you can get yourself in a better living arrangement soon. I'm glad you at least heard from your sons.

[heartandwhole]

Hi Perfidy,

I'm sorry Christmas felt isolating for you.  I can relate very much to your feelings, although I am with my family.  I, too, do most of the reaching out, and one of my family members doesn't communicate with me at all, unless I do.  It hurts.

You have a great attitude, and I agree with you that gratitude is such a powerful game changer.  I think it's my favorite feeling. 

I think you are doing really great work, Perfidy.  It's a pleasure to witness your healing. 

[Perfidy]

Heartandwhole... Thank you... I am doing a lot better. Just a little matter of my memories to overcome. It will happen. I'm working on it. The past is gone.