Update . . . .

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I wanted to start this on a new thread.

I am feeling better today ... not great or anything but better.

I have been busy all day contacting people with rooms that are happy to have a dog ... I have 3 to look at, just need to organise HOW to go and see them while I can't leave the dog.

Work remains unresolved and I also have outstanding 'work' due in the morning - I have not been up to facing it but I am feeling a bit clearer in my head tonight.

It's been 2 days since I saw the ex ... he texted me yesterday to ask if I was OK and he has just sent me 2 more a few minutes ago. I am not answering these ones right away/if at all.

Being away from him just 2 days has cleared my head ... I feel better even though I am trapped in my room ... I feel human again and not just like a walking wound ... this is good. It's not necessarily progress but it's movement.

I forgot to say in my other thread that when he was leaving the other day, he told me to use his room and computer if I wanted to. His computer is an open book - dating sites, email/s ... the works. But not only have I not done this ... I have felt no compulsion to do so. I honestly don't have any desire to know what or who he is up to ... I just want him out of my heart and head.

Starting with not answering those texts.

[damage control]

I wanted to start this on a new thread.

I am feeling better today ... not great or anything but better.

I have been busy all day contacting people with rooms that are happy to have a dog ... I have 3 to look at, just need to organise HOW to go and see them while I can't leave the dog.

Work remains unresolved and I also have outstanding 'work' due in the morning - I have not been up to facing it but I am feeling a bit clearer in my head tonight.

It's been 2 days since I saw the ex ... he texted me yesterday to ask if I was OK and he has just sent me 2 more a few minutes ago. I am not answering these ones right away/if at all.

Being away from him just 2 days has cleared my head ... I feel better even though I am trapped in my room ... I feel human again and not just like a walking wound ... this is good. It's not necessarily progress but it's movement.

I forgot to say in my other thread that when he was leaving the other day, he told me to use his room and computer if I wanted to. His computer is an open book - dating sites, email/s ... the works. But not only have I not done this ... I have felt no compulsion to do so. I honestly don't have any desire to know what or who he is up to ... I just want him out of my heart and head.

Starting with not answering those texts.

[RecycledNoMore]

Baby steps damage, baby steps!

Cmon girl you can DO this!

[KE151]

Great news DC. The power of NC.

[damage control]

Thanks Recycled + KE

I have some good news.

I have a place to look at ... .hopefully tomorrow. A friend who I met online has offered to pick me up and drive the dog and me to go and look tomorrow ... I am waiting to hear back from the house but  ... fingers crossed!

I have managed to get the first 5 hours of my shift tomorrow away and will hopefully have someone to pick up the last 3 in the morning although that might be wishful thinking ... one thing/hour/minute at a time.

I have somewhere to go and see and a way to get there  ... that's progress!

Also ... I haven't answered either of the 2 texts and have no plans to do so. Let him wonder. I think I may be his dirty little secret again - ie: he is texting while the replacement is in the shower or whatever ... I am not playing that role a second time ... not this chickadee.

[Calm Waters]

good luck DC thinking of you and your doggy

[heartandwhole]

Fantastic DC!       

Keep focusing on you and what you want and need for your well being right now.  Step by step to freedom! 

[Starlight607]

You should be so proud of yourself. As previous post said " small steps". Taking control is the most empowering thing you can do. I was so pleased to read your new thread. Keep us posted and we are all supporting you.

[free-n-clear]

I have somewhere to go and see and a way to get there  ... that's progress!

You go girl! Today is the first day of the rest of your life!

[patientandclear]

That is all such great news DC!

One thought about the texts.  I am no fan of your guy  But I've found that in the end, it pays to be civilized and to act in a way that does not mirror their push-pull.

If you don't want to text, I'd suggest saying "hey, for my own peace of mind I need to disengage from texting.  Hope you understand."  That way you are not being passive aggressive or withholding without explanation.  Your stance is certainly warranted by his behavior (more than warranted) but not explaining it has no particular value in my book, and it feeds the drama.  This does not need to be a long explanation -- in context, the reason you'd want to disengage is perfectly clear.  But you'd be saying you are making a conscious decision, not just ignorig him.  Ignoring inflicts harm -- it suggests that the person isn't important enough to notice or bother with.

You could make the statement broader -- beyond texting -- too if you're ready. "Hey, for my own peace of mind, I need to disengage.  Hope you understand."  Or if an indefinite disengagement is too scary, "... .I need to disengage [from texting] for a bit. ... .".

I think you'll find that acting like you will help prevent regrets later.

[damage control]

Thanks guys

Things are seeming a bit overwhelming again this morning ... but, I shall see what the day brings.

Work is feeling a bit overwhelming right now - just getting to and from where I need to go is out of the question right now but not going means no money ... what a mess.

P+C

I answered the text ... I was/am definitely not looking to create any more drama.

I didn't write that I am disengaging ... if he comes back and I am still in this house then that is not going to be the case so ... it felt premature to be saying that (only to reneg on it perhaps). I just answered the text briefly.

[sadinnc98]

This is awesome! You can DO this!