What do you do when you run out of this to say

[copeland]

I am dealing with the silent treatment again, and I am running into a problem I have - what do you say when you run out of things to say?  I talk to her about what is bothering her, and am told that she has heard all of this before, it means nothing, etc.  If I am quiet, however, I get told that I am not communicating, and that I prolong the silence and distance between us.  Any suggestions on how I can validate but avoid the "I heard this before" roundabout? 

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

What happens if you just get on with the your life and let her deal with her issue on her own?

You are not the "fixer", she will just string you along to validate her sense of control.

Have you tried just leaving her to it yet?

[theclam]

Copeland,

I am new to all of this and can't really offer any advice on the subject, but I completely understand where you are coming from. After I have validated, apologized for anything which I have done to contribute to any problem, and reassured H that I love him, he is still waiting for me to fix his feelings. When I have run out of things to say, the silence builds, as does his resentment and I am accused of not caring, not making him a priority, and ignoring the issues. Any conversation I try to make that does not directly deal with fixing what I have done or how he feels amounts to me avoiding and ignoring my responsibility.

It is a very tough place to be. 

Clammy

[elemental]

She sounds like a bored kid waiting to be entertained.

What I find with my guy is that talking about the relationship can get to the point where he just doesn't want to talk about it.

It really helps to change the direction of things if I suggest something active. Like, how about we go do something together. Get out of the house, go do something interesting. He is very very willing. And it refreshes what has become a very stale and often potentially argumentative situation.

What does your husband say to that sort of thing? Is he will to go for a walk or go have coffee somewhere? Or... .

[elemental]

I meant HE sounds bored. Sorry, I don't see an option to edit my original post.