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How to communicate after a contentious divorce... Following a contentious divorce and custody battle, there are often high emotion and tensions between the parents. Research shows that constant and chronic conflict between the parents negatively impacts the children. The children sense their parents anxiety in their voice, their body language and their parents behavior. Here are some suggestions from Dean Stacer on how to avoid conflict.
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Author Topic: struggling to stay NC  (Read 430 times)
Dog biscuit
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 193


« on: December 29, 2013, 09:51:44 AM »

So last night i decided to send a message to a female who posted some really awkward comments on photos of me on facebook. I dont know the female but she is a friend of the ex. Later on i noticed they werent friends anymore, and i asked exbf what that was all about. He gave me some weird explanation about the nature of their contact. I let it.rest back then. But last night i decided to message her asking what it was all about and why she posted the strange comments. She replied that she didnt understand what i was writing about, nothing happend according to her. So I replied " Ok, i must have misunderstood then, good day.

And immediatly recieved a mail from the ex  telling me he heard about me checking other woman out about their.contact with him, and that i.shouldnt do it, and that he truely loved me and that there was no one else,and so on.That he understands my need for answers and so on.

I dont want him to.contact me, i blocked his email but dont understand how this one got trough. i feel so stupid and angry.

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fromheeltoheal
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Broken up, I left her
Posts: 5642


« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2013, 10:34:15 AM »

I'm sorry you're going through that; I know exactly what it feels like and it's painful and crazymaking.

It doesn't sound like you trust this guy, I didn't trust my ex either, for good reason, and you're on the Leaving board, so you've decided to leave the relationship.  It's important at this point, since emotions are strong, that you eliminate ways to get any information at all about him, it will just add to the crazy and hurt, and prolong how long it takes to get over him.  I unfriended my ex on Facebook, and although I didn't block her I was so determined to detach that I haven't looked at her page.  Her texts, once her favorite form of communicating, stopped immediately, although I got emails and hang-up phone calls for months after I left. 

There are lots of ways to 'communicate' with all this technology, and you will be tempted, but it's like an addict going back for one more binge; the pull is undeniable, and it always ends in pain.  Do what you need to, to eliminate channels, block Facebook, delete emails, block the phone; this is a test of your commitment to break free, and you are strong enough.  Take care of you!
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