Got back together...

[RedRose15]

After our strange NYE's breakup, with him coming home and packing up his clothes and leaving we are back together, but no longer living together.

After he left me on NYE, he texted me a while later and said "I'm not stalking you, but I'm going to be at the same venue as you are tonight but I'm sure you'll have fun with whoever".  We originally were both going to be going together.

At first I considered not going, but then I thought, why should I let him wreck this night for me.  He pretty much already had.

So, I went out and I was determined to have fun and deal with my pain the next day.  I saw him out of the corner of my eye when I first arrived but I didn't look over at him or go near him.

I probably drank a little more than I should, just trying to numb everything that had happened and to not have to think about it, but I wasn't drunk, definately tipsy.  I can honestly say I was having a fun night, with lots of dancing and flirting with people. I was dancing with another guy and just as the countdown for the New Year began, he pulled me into his arms and kissed me.  Not long after, we were still dancing and cuddling, myexBPDbf yelled something into my ear, but the music was too loud for me to hear what he said to me.

Then when I got home later on I noticed he had been back to our house and cleared everything last thing of his out, including any food he had purchased like the coffee and milo.

Then I saw he had opened up the picture frame which I had on my bedside drawer of him and I and had torn the picture in half and taken out the half with him in it, then put it back together with just me in it.  He did the same thing to a picture we had on the fridge of us both.


It hit me the next morning, I felt devastated and I thought that would be the end considering he saw me kissing another man.  

Later the next day he texted me and said "Not this this probably matters to you, but I still love you but you pushed me out of the house by your behaviour and other stuff"...

So we had a bit of back and forth texting, I said I still loved him too.  Then he came over later that night and of course we are straight back to where we were.  He said he was angry at how quickly I replaced him.  He thought I should feel guilty for that.  I said I didn't feel bad due to his breaking up with me and I was single at that time.

He said he was willing to get some help with learning how to communicate with me, but I also had to do that too.  I agreed we both needed to to that. We both trigger each other lately.

So, now I'm scared, somewhere not too far down the track I will suffer a payback for kissing this other man.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[RedRose15]

This is pretty much my own journal.  To look back and read and see what was happening in my life.  I'm not needing answers here.  

I don't know if it's just me, but it's like I suffer from amnesia after each episode we go through.  I seem to forget his bad treatment of me as soon as he starts putting me back on the pedastal and I just bask in his love and adoration of me again for however long it will last.  Usually it lasts until I wake up again and become human and assert my thoughts or feelings and come out of my love coma.

Why am I so desperate to have him in my life?  Why do put up with all the bad treatment?  These are questions I keep asking myself... I actually have noticed I become submissive to him after he has treated me without any love or respect. I am scared of losing him, I dont know why because on the outside I'm a very attractive girl, but on the inside Im not.

Yet he says it is me that causes this, he says if I disagree with him I am argumentative and he says he loves the highs but the lows are killing him.  It's me apparently that argues and makes him feel so angry so it's my fault that he walks out on me...  And even though I know it's not me, I still, when I am feeling scared of him abandoning me again, will bow down, beg and suck up to him so he does't leave me.

I know I don't have borderline personality disorder myself, purely because my therapist has said I am way too aware of my own issues.  But, I have fleas and they are really annoying me because it's like he can use them against me.  

He said to me last night, which was a little weird/scary, but he said it with a smile, if you ever cheat on me you know I will cut your virg*na out and keep in it my freezer.  No-one else will ever have you.  I think he said that because I kissed someone else on NYE when we were broken up.

[elemental]

  I have a lot of the same questions for myself.  Since he and I have had such a long term with a lot of ups and downs, I have spend loads of time giving it thought, looking to see what "disease" I have that I act so counter to what I should want or need in my life. Which is not someone who asks me to stay and then bails on me for weeks at a time. And I hate silent treatment.


While you are thinking about the answers to those questions, you can probably stabilize your relationship some by using the tools on this site. As you do, you will calm, gain some inner stability. What are your boundries?

You know what I learned? I felt very much the same way you do about losing my guy and ended up letting him walk all over me. then I started thinking about my boundries. So when he would do something disrespectful, I would excuse myself and leave the conversation. Pretty soon it shifted the balance enough that I felt better.

Sometimes you have to start very small and slowly.

Also, probably you are co dependent like a lot of the rest of us here. Check out what that means and how to step back from it.