Hi All,
During 2013 my husband started therapy and it was a really rocky start. He got really depressed and didn't want to accept that he would likely be managing BPD all his life etc etc. We have had some very difficult times where I have been on the verge of stating that we need to separate - there is a charity local to us which offers respite stays for adults with severe mental health problems to give families a break and he has spent at least 8 weekends there over the course of the last 12 months. It was only this potential for taking time out that allowed us to stay together.
However he has made some real progress especially over the last 4 months. The changes I have noted which have been consistent are:
1) When he feels 'uptight' (his word) he takes a moment to identify and name the emotion. This has massively reduced the lashing out angrily
2) After identifying his emotion he asks himself what has led him to feel this way - sometimes he can identify that
"I felt angry with the girls when they were making a mess but when I thought about it I was actually annoyed that my computer wouldn't load correctly this morning so I knew I should go and take a time out because it wasn't the kids fault" (this works probably 50% of the time but it is such a huge relief to me that he is actually practising this)
3) When I do something or he thinks I have done something he will talk to me about it instead of stewing over it for hours. In fact we are both much more open with our feelings and talk much more. I think he has even been practising validation on me
So all of the above is beyond great (we even have had a good holiday period and although he got stressed he dealt with it really well and we all had a peaceful time enjoying being a family) - I genuinely never thought this would happen and I absolutely understand that we will backslide and things won't always go well and there will be times when he can't put into practise the above and we will both get frustrated. I think I am being realistic to not always expect progress and good times and there are definitely still areas we need to work on.
However sometimes I feel genuinely afraid and this fear hits me like a punch in the stomach. I think I am afraid that some event will happen that will throw us back to where we were in 2011/12. I don't think I would have the strength to go through all that again.
Do any of you have those moments of fear? Has anybody been on the path towards recovery with their pwBPD and then had some kind of major set back and what did you do?
I wouldn't say that this is a major issue affecting my life but the feeling of fear when it comes is so overwhelming that I just wanted to ask if others experience this too.
Thanks PT.
