One thing that really helped me when my relationship ended was this: instead of mourning the things I would miss as I'd done previously, I focused on remembering the behaviour I most definitely wouldn't. One biggie for me was the relentless, never-ending criticism - and being free of that has been like being let out of prison. In contrast I truly cannot recall ever saying anything unkind or unsupportive to my ex in all the time we were together. So this is a list of the things she had a - negative - opinión on:-
In no particular order. ... .
My car
My hair
My job - that's my "sad-arsed do-gooder" job to be precise
My make-up
My tone of voice
My family - aka my "f*****g freak family"
My clothes
My phone
My apartment
I was too thin
I gained a little weight. I was too fat. Arrghh!
And last but not least... . my vacuum cleaner - yes unbelievable but true!
Makes you wonder how she put up with me for so long doesn't it?
Can anyone add to that list?
Sounds like a lot of projection going on there. Mine thought she was too fat, so she started complaining about me (though I was no more than 10 lbs more than when we met, and I lost 23 lbs over the past few months due to stress... . not that she noticed, her mom did). She even said it interfered with intimacy, yet her new lover, by what I can determine online, is a huge football player type, who may be half my age and in better cardio shape, but he is large and looks more "fatty" than I do. So that once is easy to get out of my mind, that mental flea
My eating habits (reflecting on her since they view us as part of themselves, not as separate, autonomous beings)
The way I washed dishes... . she'd often take everything out of the drainer and re-wash
My vacuuming. Once she was in a cleaning rage and I had overvacuumed a small area rug. She then took the vc from me and proceeded to vacuum the same area for 5 more mins
Anything and everything to do with how I raised the kids... . though this got better. I showed a picture to my T today where my X had said our D1 was too cold (I took them into a small amount of snow). T said D1 looked happy and fine. But my X said, "I know my baby, and she was too cold! You put the wrong outfit on her!" I will have to deal with this for a few years... .
I could add to this, but I'll just say the constant walking on eggshells to not piss her off. Some days something would happen where I would perceive one of her triggers, and other days things were just fine. I was anxious all of the time though.
We were once at a party with then S2 and D6mos. I had the baby. She had our son, waiting in line for face painting. I think I had the greater responsibility, no? My X raged at me afterwards because she said I should have taken her something to drink since she sat in the line for 20 mins and was thirsty. No more ruined parties and holidays... . I am looking forward to that!
