Ultimate betrayal

[dancinginthelight]

Hi everyone

Ive not been on forum for a while as needed to have some time out.

Its been around a year and a half NC from exbf, neither of us have tried to

make contact which is good i suppose, although I do still struggle daily with the pain of it all.

Not sure if I will ever get over the r/s.  I have not dated anyone else since the break up, I

have no interest in dating, tbh, the very thought fills me with dread and repulsion.

Anyway, I used to talk about the ex with my mother over the phone, she lives 365 miles away.

She was forever telling me in the beginning that the r/s would never work out due to the age difference,

me being older than him.  This used to bug me and found her comments unkind.

When we broke up she would constantly tell me what a good bloke he was, etc, blah blah blah.

Then to  add insult to injury, when I found out the ex was seeing someone else, the exact same age as

me, she thought that was great and was glad he found happiness 

During the last 3 months, my mother and ex have been in contact with one another.  Now my mother no longer

wants to have anything more to do with me, claiming I have too many problems and has shut me out of

her life.  She doesnt even want anything more to do with her grandchildren, my kids.

Not sure if Ive posted on correct board.

Want do you think?

[santa]

Sounds pretty messed up. 

I think your mom is acting ridiculous and I'm sorry she's letting you down. Her behavior is unacceptable.

As far as your ex is concerned, I'm sure this friendship he's formed with your mother is just another form of manipulation. I'm sorry that she's falling for it.

[dancinginthelight]

Hi Santa  *Hi!

I have always found my mum difficult to please throughout my life 

I always felt I never measured up, she took the other persons side if i

did wrong, she d punish me first before asking my side of the story

My older son, hes 28 thinks its disgusting, ive thought it was me being

paranoid and id deserved this, and my mum is right in all this

[Undone123]

Wow have you looked into your family at all?

I found that I probably stayed with my BPDex as she was safe and familiar... . Definitely have a father with NPD and my mother has some traits of BPD although I wouldn't say she had it. My mum did isolate me from my NPD dad as a child - not sure if good or bad but I have to accept it. Bottom line I was raised in a dysfunctional environment... . So maybe you should reflect on your own family?

Also I had the BPD ex in regular communication with my mother - my mother found it odd she was being contacted. My mother was always nice in response, Although she took my side as I moved in with her in the immediate aftermath of the break up... . So she saw the pain I was in. Anyway it was a control thing from my ex. It was horrible. My mother would always get contacted if things between me and my ex didn't go to my exes plan... . Anyway one day my ex contacted me saying I abused her! Lie! I lost it forwarded the communication to her mother and told my mother about it... . She stopped replying. My ex lost control... . Went to the police, and said "the police could caution you for harassment but I don't want them to"... .

Basically it's a control thing from your ex, and your mum is validating all of his bullhit... . Look into your family and yourself - maybe explain if you can to your mum that she is validating his chaos... . I was lucky mine listened.

Be good to you! X

[dancinginthelight]

Hi undone

I have only spoken to my mother once in the last 3 months. She does not wish to

be in contact with me.

My ex too would be on the phone for hours speaking to my mother while he was lying

in my bed ha ha.  Im laughing now but at the time it would really bug me. The ex would

say he was having an early night and when id go up to bed id find him on the phone... . to

my mother!

She was in this r/s more than me i think

[Arctic Monkey]

You poor thing,  I feel so sorry for you.  I'm a similar age to you with children around the same age so can really empathise. The funny thing is that I have agreat relationship with my mum now my BPD relationship has bitten the dust. There's an easy explanation though - she was incredibly pissed off when I got with a woman when my marriage ended . Absolutely terrified of the neighbours finding out. She's now wants me to find a man! Well we'll see. LOL. To be honest your mum sounds as if she has her own issues.  Maybe you should look into your family background more, as advised. I had a high functioning NPD dad. And at least your kids are on your side. And if she's punishing them too it's her loss.

PS. Glad it's not just me struggling with the idea of embarking on another relationship.