future recycle

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I have read a few threads today that said past behavior is an indicator of future behavior. Maybe I miss the actual feeling of this chaos, after 14 years it's probably ingrained into my mind as normal. But after 14 years over 20 recycles and and hundreds of threats of a breakup, I guess I'm yearning for it. Should I expect a recycle and should I stay silent when it comes? I have a son (8) with her but have told her dad that she doesn't exist to me anymore and the last time I saw her was x mas eve and that's the last I ever want to see of her.  Thanks, arn

[arn131arn]

I have read a few threads today that said past behavior is an indicator of future behavior. Maybe I miss the actual feeling of this chaos, after 14 years it's probably ingrained into my mind as normal. But after 14 years over 20 recycles and and hundreds of threats of a breakup, I guess I'm yearning for it. Should I expect a recycle and should I stay silent when it comes? I have a son (8) with her but have told her dad that she doesn't exist to me anymore and the last time I saw her was x mas eve and that's the last I ever want to see of her.  Thanks, arn

[santa]

Lol.

Dude, you want a recycle so bad.

It's normal. We've all thought about it.

What are you really hoping for though? You want to get involved in the same horrible car accident over and over and over again? The relationship is guaranteed to be a disaster, every single time. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Why keep putting yourself through it?

I'm sure the sex is great. Sex with a lot of women can be great though. This particular one has F'd up your life so bad that you're on a website trying to figure out how to recover from it. Think about that.

I'm about as bad as you are. I still think about my ex. It's natural. It's a horrible idea though... . and we'd be pretty damn stupid to do it or even want to. It'll be a disaster. Don't put yourself through this again. Let this finally be it.

[Ironmanrises]

Pray to any/and all deities you believe in that she does not re engage you. Only hurt follows in the wake.

[arn131arn]

Ya'll probably right. I just don't want her to be with him. And yesterday it was different, felt empathy, but today I don't want her to be in a healthy/happy relationship. EVER!

Is there something wrong with feeling that way?

[santa]

Ya'll probably right. I just don't want her to be with him. And yesterday it was different, felt empathy, but today I don't want her to be in a healthy/happy relationship. EVER!

Is there something wrong with feeling that way?

Nope. I'd be thrilled if my ex got attacked by a jungle cat or fell into a volcano. It would make the world a better place. Lol

As much as I hate the thought of her being with another guy, I think it would help me to find closure to the relationship. I know I would never get back with her if that happened. It would really be nail in coffin as far as any reconciliation, so I think the finality of it would be good for me.

As far as the other guy goes, hey, one man's trash is another man's treasure, right?

[arn131arn]

I guess so, Santa? Would remaining NC with her for the rest of my life be good enough pay back for all the abuse she put me thru over the past 14 yrs? No longer be her fall back guy? No longer be that rock for her life's problems? No longer be there to boost her self esteem? Sorry, today has been reallt tough for me guys/gals

[santa]

I guess so, Santa? Would remaining NC with her for the rest of my life be good enough pay back for all the abuse she put me thru over the past 14 yrs? No longer be her fall back guy? No longer be that rock for her life's problems? No longer be there to boost her self esteem? Sorry, today has been reallt tough for me guys/gals

Remaining no contact with her would probably upset her, but I don't see that as a viable option with you guys having an 8 year old kid. I'm in the same boat because my ex and I have a young child together. Boy, it sure would be nice to not ever have to speak to them again, wouldn't it?

I think your best bet would be to just develop some kind of way to not give a damn about her. Total indifference is the thing they hate the most. The best way to get revenge is to just not care.

I haven't accomplished this feat yet, but I'm working toward it. If I can get myself to where nothing she ever does or says bothers me, I think that would be a huge victory.

[Perfidy]

Ya'll probably right. I just don't want her to be with him. And yesterday it was different, felt empathy, but today I don't want her to be in a healthy/happy relationship. EVER!

Is there something wrong with feeling that way?

Well arn... It's all about feeling good. When you get to feeling better you will have more of a positive outlook for her. Yesterday you felt a little better than you did today. When this gets behind you further you just won't care. Here is where you have to make a choice. You are the master of your own emotions. Choose. Here are your choices.

1. Feel good

2. Feel bad

[arn131arn]

I choose to stay NC with her for the rest of my life. I guess I can go to court and handle it that way if needed

[MrConfused]

Ya'll probably right. I just don't want her to be with him. And yesterday it was different, felt empathy, but today I don't want her to be in a healthy/happy relationship. EVER!

Is there something wrong with feeling that way?

No, I think it's only human. I really want mine to one day have a happy loving relationship that she stays in & doesn't cause the drama she apparently "hates", but deepdown I'll be upset if that happens as it means she would have finally listened to me, but wouldn't be with me. I would have built her up only for her to use that to get with someone else.

In reality tho, I don't think she's capable of it. She leaves a trail of destruction in her wake & likely will the rest of her life.

[MrConfused]

I choose to stay NC with her for the rest of my life. I guess I can go to court and handle it that way if needed

I wouldn't do that unless it's absolutely nessacary. As painful as it is, I don't think it's worth giving someone a black mark on their record for it. You can be instantly rejected from certain jobs for having any kind of criminal record/complant.

If she's leaving you alone, you don't have a cause for it anyway.

[arn131arn]

I choose to stay NC with her for the rest of my life. I guess I can go to court and handle it that way if needed

I wouldn't do that unless it's absolutely nessacary. As painful as it is, I don't think it's worth giving someone a black mark on their record for it. You can be instantly rejected from certain jobs for having any kind of criminal record/complant.

If she's leaving you alone, you don't have a cause for it anyway.

I didn't mean a restraiing order.  Sorry, I could go to court for child custody and tell the judge it is not healthy to have her in my life, and at theleast only communication could be email?

I'm done never going back, it hurts, sucks, but not going there. 

I am getting in my car and driving, I am going to fill up until I have no more money left in the bank, and keep driving.  When the wheels fall off, I am going to run as fast as I can until my legs are shaking, then run some more, when I can no longer run anymore, I am going to crawl... . get my point?

[arn131arn]

My last recycle was over the past summer.  She called me at 3 am drunk, walking around alone in the city,  no idea where she was.  After driving to get her while communicating with her about her whearabouts (street names, landmarks, etc) I finally found her.  On the ride home she told me that she loved me.  Blah, blah, blah and had sex... . The rest is history.

Now keep in mind we have an (8) year old son that she again "pawned" off to other family to go out that night instead of giving him to me.

Question:  If this happens again, how do I handle it?  She is the mother of my son, after all, and I don't want her to be hurt/killed in the streets at 3 am.

Thanks,

Arn

[MrConfused]

Question:  If this happens again, how do I handle it?  She is the mother of my son, after all, and I don't want her to be hurt/killed in the streets at 3 am.

If another family member can pick her up, get them to do it. Worst case you pick her up and take her home, but that's it. Nothing else. Personally tho I'd be kinda wary of doing even that in case she accused you of anything.

I don't know, it's a really hard thing to deal with.

[SeekingAdviceinCa]

but deepdown I'll be upset if that happens as it means she would have finally listened to me, but wouldn't be with me. I would have built her up only for her to use that to get with someone else.

I'm struggling with this myself. I invested SO MUCH time and energy into this person and was there for EVERY breakdown, bad day, rough patch. Everything. I can't help but feel that the two guys she's seeing now are benefiting from all the countless hours of hard work that I put in... . Even though she says I ruined her self esteem.