She was capable, just not willing--is how I feel

[geesunday]

Broke up 6 months ago with ex GF of 1 1/2 years.

Prior to us getting together I didn't know her for more than a few months and I she used to share pictures with me of herself doing all these outdoor hikes, rafting, fishing etc with big groups of people who were her friends.

When we got together she never wanted to do any of those things and she always declined to go out on her own so we spent most of her time sitting around her place watching TV. She would tell me about how the previous year she went on a three day outdoor camping trip and they ate very sparingly and showed me pictures of that time. I was able to get her to do an outdoor hike only once and she complained the whole time about how hungry and thirsty she was. That was only an hour hike because then she said she had a headache so we had to come back.

After we broke up, I saw her photos on social media (which I deleted her from) of her going out again and doing all these things that she never did with me.

For the first year of our relationship, I used to think she was capable of changing and that she was doing things deliberately and manipulatively. When I finally became convinced that she was unable to go on without me and that she needed me to be around for her as much as possible and quit pushing her to make changes, that marked the gradual end of our relationship.

I know deep down that she had some real problems but I cant help but feel like she faked a whole lot of it with me or is faking her polar opposite prior to and after me. And yes, I know, Im lucky to be done with her.

[TakingWingAtLast]

Geessunday,

Looks like you simply got deceived in the exact same way she deceived herself.   Yes, you are smart to be done and to move on!

D

[fromheeltoheal]

My ex enjoyed being in groups of people when she was single, since she would always dress in a 'revealing' way, to put it kindly, and the dynamic was just her flirting with all the guys and pissing off all the other girls.  Being in a relationship and showing up as a couple screwed up that dynamic, she was expected to keep a lid on it and act as part of a couple, and that just didn't work for her.  Truth was she was always maintaining relationships with multiple guys, if only on Facebook or by text, and the concept of an exclusive partnership with someone she was building a life with was foreign to her, she just didn't get it, and it certainly wasn't interesting.

[Clearmind]

Borderlines are very capable and resourceful. However once I was in relationship with my ex we both stopped doing many things. We also took on each others interests and we changed over time. What didn't change were the issues I brought to the relationship and the issues he brought.

A person does not change once in a relationship - flaws are exacerbated. I tried to change my ex when I had no right to.  Instead I let him go.

She wasn't faking - she was mirroring and wanting to know what you wanted to do. Borderlines serve until such time as it cannot be sustained then the relationship falls apart. We did much the same thing.

Work on you Gee and you won't be attracted to a Borderline.