The worst trigger

[Depression = 72% of members]

The worst trigger for me is feeling joy and being triggered by it.  I mean, who cares if I go to a particular restaurant or hear a song and that reminds me of her.  Anybody here ever find that upon feeling contentedness or joy that their reaction is to associate that with the guilt, pain, and sorrow from their past relationship?  That happens to me and it is really kind of annoying.  I get into a groove, everything is perfect, feeling happy as a clam, and then that reminds me of the ex, because she was the one who I am used that occurring with.  It's like I'm holding myself back from getting completely comfortable or I maybe feel somewhat guilty that I am experiencing that without her.  Not sure what that's all about.  Just thought I'd share.

[TwoCents]

The worst trigger for me is feeling joy and being triggered by it.  I mean, who cares if I go to a particular restaurant or hear a song and that reminds me of her.  Anybody here ever find that upon feeling contentedness or joy that their reaction is to associate that with the guilt, pain, and sorrow from their past relationship?  That happens to me and it is really kind of annoying.  I get into a groove, everything is perfect, feeling happy as a clam, and then that reminds me of the ex, because she was the one who I am used that occurring with.  It's like I'm holding myself back from getting completely comfortable or I maybe feel somewhat guilty that I am experiencing that without her.  Not sure what that's all about.  Just thought I'd share.

[broken but not beaten]

Can certainly relate to triggers,I can say these do get better in time,this is now what I believe to be my second BPD relationship and triggers were everywhere first time around... . we worked together,songs,films,places we visited. I remember how raw it felt for some time but it does get better. You can't force it,it just happens when you heal.

[BeHappyAgain]

Anybody here ever find that upon feeling contentedness or joy that their reaction is to associate that with the guilt, pain, and sorrow from their past relationship?

Yes this 100%

I don't often post here [but I read here - A LOT]. Smarter cookies than me may elaborate more on this for you, but I feel confident to say that the subtle point you describe has an established cause.

Due to the BPDs mirroring of your good qualities [during the idealization phase] what happens is you fall in love... . with yourself! Your own best qualities get mirrored back to you... . and you fall in love with those.

This relationship might have been the 1st time in years that you felt your own inner joy [albeit mirrored]?

Your still feeling your own inner joy its just that you came to associate it with your exPWBPD.

But it was YOUR JOY all along.

Reclaim it! Brake the link of association between what is YOUR joy and the exPWBPD

Its just a chain - delink it

2010's tour de force posts explain things much better.

They are all here [you have to be logged in to view them].

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?action=profile;u=38193;sa=showPosts;start=760