felt bad today

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Took the kids to church today. She got back about 3. Went to her moms. I was invited, but didn't want to go. I'm still stuck I'm the FOG, or whatever. Like maybe I really wasn't good enough for her. I wasn't good enough intimately, I didn't "hsndlr"  her right, I lacked strength to keep her happy.

I talked to my mom tonight, and she said she ran into the mother of one of my former schoolmates. She asked my mom if I was doing ok (I am friends with this person on fb, though I haven't seen her in years). My mom said I was having a tough time and that I was frustrated. The we oman replied that she didn't know why my x would have any problem with me... I thought that is nice (my problem taking compliments again), but no one was in an intimate rf/s with mr except my x. Maybe some of the stuff she told me about mysel is true.

Too go back to FOO issues, like my mom used to tell mr, "everybody thinks you are a great ki, but they don't know the REAL you that I get!" I moved past that with my mom years ago, but I may still keep some of it with me, like I am someone different when in an intimate r/s than in the "real world."

Ma be sjell do better now, and it was just me, very high functioning, but in reality a mess of a man,m I don't know... .

[Turkish]

Took the kids to church today. She got back about 3. Went to her moms. I was invited, but didn't want to go. I'm still stuck I'm the FOG, or whatever. Like maybe I really wasn't good enough for her. I wasn't good enough intimately, I didn't "hsndlr"  her right, I lacked strength to keep her happy.

I talked to my mom tonight, and she said she ran into the mother of one of my former schoolmates. She asked my mom if I was doing ok (I am friends with this person on fb, though I haven't seen her in years). My mom said I was having a tough time and that I was frustrated. The we oman replied that she didn't know why my x would have any problem with me... I thought that is nice (my problem taking compliments again), but no one was in an intimate rf/s with mr except my x. Maybe some of the stuff she told me about mysel is true.

Too go back to FOO issues, like my mom used to tell mr, "everybody thinks you are a great ki, but they don't know the REAL you that I get!" I moved past that with my mom years ago, but I may still keep some of it with me, like I am someone different when in an intimate r/s than in the "real world."

Ma be sjell do better now, and it was just me, very high functioning, but in reality a mess of a man,m I don't know... .

[blurry]

Wouldn't it be nice to simply not give a f whether you were right or wrong? I do the same thing to myself by the way. Deep down I know it wouldn't make a difference regardless though. Gotta remember all the times I got blindsided by the breakups before all the resentment had built up and made me become hypervigilant and sort of add to the problem by becoming passive/aggressive towards her, or over sensitive towards things that in a normal relationship wouldn't of bothered me in the least. Such a crazy disorder

[Turkish]

Wouldn't it be nice to simply not give a f whether you were right or wrong? I do the same thing to myself by the way. Deep down I know it wouldn't make a difference regardless though. Gotta remember all the times I got blindsided by the breakups before all the resentment had built up and made me become hypervigilant and sort of add to the problem by becoming passive/aggressive towards her, or over sensitive towards things that in a normal relationship wouldn't of bothered me in the least. Such a crazy disorder

I can relate to that a bit, the silent treatment on my side not too much but still there... .

[arn131arn]

I had the sillent treatment for 6 months... . Towards the end I handled it terribly.  She studying for her finals in my son's bed, me drinking heavily, I just couldn't take it anymore.  Yearning for her to talk to me, to hear her voice, understanding, that she cared. But she didn't, I guess she fell out of love with me.  But the 6 months of silent treatment has to be a form of abuse, I would think?

[Pearl55]

Turkish

It's not only you. I had these feelings too and sometimes I was talking to myself and keep repeating this, I should have stayed but when I talked to my psychiatrist he told me accepting the reality is too painful and our minds as a coping mechanism try to avoid it.

She is not going to be different with another man. Her pathalogical issues are very serious and you deserve a loving and caring woman who wants and needs you as an individual character not as a caregiver and provider to use!

[TakingWingAtLast]

Turkish,

I don't mean to sound trite when I say that you just had a single day of doubt.  Seems pretty expected to me.   I think that is pretty  much how it goes as you heal.  Those days/hours/minutes of doubt get less and less over time as you heal.   Be easy on yourself, brother!

D

[Perfidy]

When I can... . I get on my scooter and ride. That is some of the best therapy there is for me. It puts me totally in the here and now. It's about the ride not the destination.

In the grand scheme of things you, TURKISH, are perfect. Exactly as you are meant to be. Just because she doubted herself and made a judgement on you don't let that change you. We didn't ask for our lives. It is a gift. A gift from the universe to you so that the universe can experience its self. That is you. Your perfect the way you are. So is she. We all are.