The monthly recycle attempt

[blurry]

Whelp, she's about right on schedule... . and here I am as usual. Her BPD senses must of just kicked in because I've made more positive changes, making a move and getting involved with dating new women ect, and here she comes, full court press since new years.

Again, I have to assume she just got used by someone new for sex, realized again how good I was to her in every respect, probably talking to some new fling who's smart enough to not jump for a relationship with her but more than happy to have cheap meaningless sex with my wife who I haven't seen since august. She just circumvented me asking her if she's messed with any guys the past 4 and a half months. No answer=yes, in my mind, and no=yes, as well, because ill never trust her anyway and can't believe a word she says.

what the heck am I doing even responding to her texts, let alone saying I still do and always will, love her?

[blurry]

Last 6 weeks I was with her, I had something going on in my chest, erratic heart palpitations or tightness kinda. Literally, the week I ended it, it stopped instantly. Now tonight, going on 5months of no problems, texting and asking if she's slept with or gotten involved with anyone since the split, I have the same thing going on in my chest again. I gotta be out of my friggin mind doing this to myself.

[free-n-clear]

what the heck am I doing even responding to her texts, let alone saying I still do and always will, love her?

   That's one of the great mysteries of the hold they seem to have over us. We can refrain from contacting them, gets easier every day, then they contact us and we go to water.

[fromheeltoheal]

My shoulder started hurting when I was with her, and it spread until my entire arm hurt, badly, I couldn't even lift it. As soon as I left her it started feeling better and is now totally healed. Our bodies are talking to us, and it took a while for me to listen; emotions always come out somewhere, there's a wisdom there that takes care of us. But we gotta listen.

[blurry]

Oh, and I already know what her answer about sleeping with another man will be tomorrow. This is how cyclical these relationships are, since I've been through it repeatedly. She will say she has slept with someone else because she thought she'd never see me again and didn't know I still loved her... . almost makes me think its acceptable even though if I claim to forgive her, I know deep down I wont get over it, as I still haven't gotten over it the first two times it happened.

It'll definitely be that answer or some variation of it. But can I blame her, or shouldn't I just think "good for you" and really stop with this sick, deranged, irreparably damaged relationship?

[blurry]

What gets me is during the breakup, I tell her I love her and please don't go, I tell her that whatever she does, don't sleep with someone else, that I wont accept it or be able to forgive her again for it, and that she'll only be begging me to come back after, and it'll have done more horrific damage to our relationship... . and of course, I'm 100% right every time.

[free-n-clear]

shouldn't I just think "good for you" and really stop with this sick, deranged, irreparably damaged relationship?

  Yup. For your own long term happiness and mental health, yes.

[allweareisallweare]

Hi  Blurry, well, I bet that if she was a fly on the wall on the board, all these healthy objectors here maybe might make her see even with half an eye that the sick behavior   of not being able to understand the vast vast differences between sex and love, sex being a component of healthy love, love being a component of healthy relationships.

I recall that my ex - and she was diagnosed, man, what the heck, she was full-blown - said that for her relationships are sex, something like that. And you hit upon it, the ACE that we have as healthy people - when they understand in their loneliest of hours, one night when noone is available to be the stand-in, they will realise it that their previous relationships - we are all significant others versus these insignificants - were the best thing that ever happened to them, we were wells of love, hope, truth, belief - they will never get it back, their biggest fear is being alone because that is the apex of Borderline behavior (abandonment realised) And even if they are smart to quit the sex-BPD narrative and are ever likely to attract new love (some other fool) they know, surely, in their hearts if they have one that the BPD will ravage that, and they'll always, somehow, return to us but


we


have moved






ON!

[strikeforce]

Ah this is something I hope never happens again to me.

Its been total NC on both sides for over a month. I hope that's the last I hear from her.

[Mazda]

Last 6 weeks I was with her, I had something going on in my chest, erratic heart palpitations or tightness kinda. Literally, the week I ended it, it stopped instantly. Now tonight, going on 5months of no problems, texting and asking if she's slept with or gotten involved with anyone since the split, I have the same thing going on in my chest again. I gotta be out of my friggin mind doing this to myself.

Oh I had deep anxiety every time I spoke to hm, thought of him or saw anything to do with him.  When we were together I would shudder randomly.  Now it's stopped.  After a year, the anxiety has stopped.

[LilMissSunshine]

Last 6 weeks I was with her, I had something going on in my chest, erratic heart palpitations or tightness kinda. Literally, the week I ended it, it stopped instantly. Now tonight, going on 5months of no problems, texting and asking if she's slept with or gotten involved with anyone since the split, I have the same thing going on in my chest again. I gotta be out of my friggin mind doing this to myself.

Oh I had deep anxiety every time I spoke to hm, thought of him or saw anything to do with him.  When we were together I would shudder randomly.  Now it's stopped.  After a year, the anxiety has stopped.

Wow, same for me.  The palpitations were major - but only during the last two recycles.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey blurry, why is it that we can see the recycle a mile away yet still can get drawn into it?  I, too, participated in this unhealthy dance for years, until I finally had enough and took myself out of the game.  At this point, I am uncertain why you are doing this to yourself, but then again, I did it many times myself, so you are in good company!  Seriously, time to say "good luck with your new boyfriend" and move on?  Only you know when it's really over.  Lucky Jim